3:42am

Let's admit it: we all face writer's block.  I've heard arguments that it deoes not exist, but reality is that sometimes the words just don't come.  Some days it's because you can't find the time and other days the blank piece of paper (or blank "Document 1") is just too overwhelming to produce anything, much less anything worth while.

A few weeks ago Nikki and I were emailing about the hectic schedules we face this summer and the lack of free writing time.  I suggested she take five minutes and just write.  Pen to paper... three, two, one GO!

But what to write?
1. Peanut Butter Bagel
"I had peanut butter on my bagel today instead of cream cheese, and I feel the need to write about it."

2. A funny or sad or embarassing or random story
It could be from fifteen years ago of fifteen seconds ago, no one really cares.  You don't have to justify why you thought about it right now.  Just write it.  Embellish if you feel like it.

3. "I don't know what to write but Katie told me to write so I am doing it."
MercyMe actually has an entire song about this (ok, without me). It's entitled "3:42am" and it's my prayer for life.

"3:42 am (Writer's Block)" by MercyMe

3:41am make that 3:42

time just keeps rolling on while I'm here stuck like glue

so many things cross my mind but nothing stays awhile... so frustrating

I just want to say something worthwhile... speak through me.

Say, say what You wanna say... and say it loudly

Say, say what You wannna say.

6:45am, man, that just can't be right

3 hours have gone by and this is all I've got

My common sense tells me I should get out of the way.... so You can speak

O, Lord, show up or I'll be here all day... speak through me.

Say, say what You wanna say... and say it loudly.

Say, say what You wanna say... speak through me.

If the idea's mine it's nothing but a waste of time.

So won't You say, say what You wanna say.

Say, say what You wanna say.

Say, say what You wanna say.

Say, say what You wanna say (say it loudly)

Say, say what You wanna say.

Say, say what You wanna say.

and say it louldy

Say, say what You wanna say... speak through me

If the idea's mine it's nothing but a waste of time

So won't You say, say what you wanna say.

Don't wait until you have time to write or you'll never write.  Make time.  And let Him use you.  Let the Writer write; you be the pen.

<>< Katie

Double the Mistake

There are about a million birthdays in April. Some of them I was able to write birthday blogs for but some of them I had to miss. If you didn't get one, I am incredibly sorry. Please, don't take it personally. :-)

Today's is a birthday I cannot miss. I'm often complemented on how I can see God in all sorts of weird ways and call them "God Moments." I haven't always been able to do that. Through a year's worth of God moments of her own, I was able to copy Natalie's lead and see God in little, weird things. Trust me, if you think some of my God moments are weird, ask Natalie about He spoke through the chemistry principle of microscopic reverse or anything else that relates to sports, science, and the bathroom.

Thus, for her birthday, I'd love to share one of her God moments. The problem is that I need to find a censored one that is appropriate for such a wide reading audience. Not mortifying Natalie isn't quite an option. Hey, she's the one that showed up to small group wearing a bathrobe to demonstrate how Isaiah walked around naked for three years (see Isaiah 20). She's the one that took our small group on Babylonian exile through the icy rain. She's the one that burned two bagels in less than a half an hour. She's the one that broke two fingers playing flag football.

After a few days of pain, Natalie finally decided she should go to the doctor for her two injured fingers. The identical x-rays were hanging side-by-side and, as she tells it, the doctor was looking from one to the other to her to her hands with a confused look on his face.
Doctor: These are two different fingers.
Natalie: Yes, sir.
Doctor: These are two different hands.
Natalie: Yes, sir.
Doctor: Please tell me this was the same play.
Natalie: No, sir.
She'd been playing a co-ed game of flag football here on campus when she reached for the flag of one of her opponents.  She got the flag but she also got her right hand tangled in his shorts.  Broken right middle finger.  She's broken enough bones to realize what she'd done but is way too competitive to remove herself from the game.  Besides, if she benched herself her team would have to forfeit.  A little while later she reached for her opponent's flag with her left hand and the exact same thing happened again.  Broken finger on the left hand.  Any sensible person would have learned her lesson and forced her team for forfeit the game.  She'd already not just taken one for the team but two.  Nope, Natalie kept playing.  In fact, she even scored a touchdown with two broken fingers; she said she carried the ball clutched between her forearms and her chest as she waddled towards the end zone.

By Monday at small group time she'd be amused by the identical x-rays and had two splints on her fingers. 
Apparently the flesh-colored splints make it look like her fingers were wearing hoodies, so she drew faces on her fingernails.  The right-hand one became Jesus and the left-hand one became John the Baptist.  Imagine Laura's reaction (her faithful co-leader who frequently reminded her "Be censored, Natalie!").  It went something like, "NATALIE!  You cannot flip someone off with Jesus!"

Thus was my small group freshman year, and as is common for Natalie, God spoke through such a bizarre series of events.

She went on to talk about how sometimes she makes the same mistake twice.  Sometimes she puts bagels in the oven and forgets about them until they're burned to chars and sometimes she does it again ten minute later.  Sometimes she burns two bagels again two weeks later.  Sometimes she breaks two fingers in the same football game.  Sometimes she had to make the same mistake twice before God gets her attention.  Do we do the same thing?  Are we so caught up in what we're doing that we forget to pay attention to what we're doing? That we forget to pay attention to God?

Luckily, there is good news for us.  Even out of her mistake of breaking fingers, God was still able to do something remarkable when He helped her score.  He can still do pretty cool things with our double-mess ups.  And frankly, I think that's a darn good thing.

I love you guys.  A lot.
<>< Katie

Accepted

I don't think I'll ever forget a simple breakfast (my breakfast, his lunch) I once had with a friend Kevin, commonly referred to as "Jesus Shoes."  I've blogged about this brunch before, but I'm going to do it again.  Kevin and I met at the toaster both anxiously awaiting our bagels.

"Where are you sitting?"  I asked. My bagel was done, and I didn't have a seat yet.
"With you," he said.  Kevin, a popular senior, could have sat anywhere, and he chose to sit with me, a sophomore.  That would have been enough to make my Saturday.  But God had greater things in mind for the day.  If I remember correctly, our conversation wasn't anything deep or life changing, just two siblings in Christ sharing life over bagels.  That is, until I became an obsessing perfectionist.

"It doesn't matter, Katie.  It only matters to One and His mind is made up."

I probably rolled my eyes.  While I wasn't happy to hear it, Jesus Shoes had a point (and an appropriate nickname).

Acceptance is something I really struggle with.  It's why I don't like sharing my fiction.  It's why I thrive on feedback (preferably positive, but I'm learning to appreciate negative, too).  It's why I make myself the third wheel.  I pull away before anyone has the opportunity to push me out.  I'm getting better, but it's a problem.

It's also what Neal spoke about last night.  After sharing parts of his experience in junior high, not unlike my middle school experiences, he went off on a slight tangent.  Neal's notorious for tangents but this was a really good one.  One I needed to hear and can be told again every day for the rest of my life.

"I don't know whose acceptance you're searching for but just stop because it's hopeless.  You're never going to obtain it and be satisfied.  You already have Jesus's so why are you still searching?  Is that person's acceptance more important than Jesus's?  You can't please them but you have already pleased Him and that's all that matters."

Sound familiar?

"It doesn't matter, Katie.  It only matters to One and His mind is already made-up."

Thanks for accepting my honesty.

Oh, and even though we're on a MWF schedule this week, out of reverence for Christ's death, there will be no new post on Friday.  It's coming on Saturday instead.  If you've never experienced a Good Friday service of darkness, I highly recommend it.  My prayer is that you see our Savior's death and resurrection in a new way this year.

With love,
<>< Katie

Amy: Guys, we're in a tornado warning; maybe we should seek cover.
Andy: Elizabeth and I have two blankets over here if you want one.

Wham

I really love that this is Celebration Week for one reason and one reason only: Nikki is busy being Captain of Logistics, so I can say all sorts of facetious things about her, and she won't see them for a few days. :-)

This morning I read StorytellERdoc write, "I thought I might be getting pranked by one of my smart-ass friends. Why do I let those types into my life?" Instantly, Nikki was laughing as she sat in the forefront of my mind.

Not a half-hour earlier I ate breakfast with her where she reiterated her enjoyment in this new-found game of licking things to gross me out. Did you know: supposedly if someone licks you on the back of the arm just above the elbow you don't feel it. Part of me hopes that's true, so I don't have to feel it when Nikki tries. The other part of me prays it's not because then she'll be sneak-attacking me around every corner. I'll never be able to wear short-sleeved shirts in her presence again!

"Sorry, I'm late," she said sitting down at breakfast with me. My bagel (with extra cream cheese) was half eaten already. "My hair decided it wanted to be uncooperative today."

"I'm sorry," I said with a smile, I understand all too well what it's like to be the victim of uncooperative hair.

"It's ok. Who really cares if my hair has this need to stick straight up on my head? Not me. There are much worse things that can go wrong than uncooperative hair."

I like that positive attitude. I need that positive attitude. This is why I let the smart alec types in my life: sometimes they make good points and the rest of the time they just make me laugh and squirm. With Nikki, even though one of her main goals in life is to vex me as she picks at my "particular personality," I still love her and desperately need her friendship and joy in my life.

<>< Katie

Ok, so I lied about why I love Celebration Week. I really love it because it gives our campus an opportunity to unite as "one voice, one spirit, one heart to praise Him. We are the body of Christ." Annoying Nikki without her knowledge is just an added bonus and a delightful change to the norm!

Burnt Bagels and Broken Fingers

So many birthdays lead to so many updates!

Yesterday was Natalie's birthday. I couldn't decide what Natalie story to tell and to still "be censored" (to quote Laura one small group). For some reason Natalie's stories always end of in one of three places: sports, science, or the bathroom. Did you know God can speak through the chemistry Principle of Microscopic Reverse? How about getting your eyebrows waxed? Using the same bathroom stall repeatedly? He's God and He can do anything but that doesn't mean He needs to speak through spell check. In hearing from Natalie how God speaks through bathrobes and lip stick, I've come to hear God speaking a lot more clearly through the strangest things.

My friend Natalie is an amazing woman, but sometimes the things she does makes me laugh at her. Natalie dislikes the way a toaster toasts a bagel, so whenever she wants a toasted bagel she has cook it in the oven. One afternoon she decided she wanted a bagel. Well, she put it in the oven and got distracted. She remembered the bagel a little while later and it was literally flaming in her oven. After getting the flames to stop, she realized the scorched bagel was not going to giver her body nutrition; she threw it away and made a second bagel. As luck would have it, poor Natalie did the exact same thing! On the third try she finally was able to have a snack.

A few weeks later, Natalie was playing flag football with a group of people when she once again made the same mistake twice. During a play she was reaching for one of her opponents’ flags when the flag slipped out of her hand and she got her finger caught. A wise choice perhaps would have been to stop playing for the day, but Natalie is way too competitive to bench herself. Instead a few plays later, using the exact same move with her other hand. She succeeded in fracturing two fingers on two different hands during two plays so exact to the point where the x-rays were identical.

Natalie needed to break two fingers in order to stop playing football and burn two bagels in order to pay attention to what she was doing. Sometimes we're incredibly stubborn to the point where we have to make the same mistakes twice before God is able to get our attention.

What does God have to do to get your attention?

<>< Katie

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received." Ephesians 4:1