May Day

May 28.

According to my daily devotional, that's today's date.  Grace for the Moment: A 365-Day Journaling Devotional by Max Lucado was a graduation gift from my suitemate Amy's parents. So the day after graduation I began reading it. I continued once a day until I went on vacation and the book was too bulky for my carry-on bag.

Instead I decided I would read it daily when I was at home (at my parents' house). Thus, it did not go to China with me, it did not accompany me on my month-long networking trip in October, and it did not come on our Axelson Family Unplugged trip over New Years.

Knowing this, it was very sad to watch the bookmark move closer and closer to the center of the book. Every day was another devotion, another page turned and in that another day in limbo, another morning greeting unemployment, another reminder that my life was not what I expected.

Well, today is not May 28. I have packed as many of my personal belongings as I could fit in the backseat and trunk of my car. Dad and I are driving across the country, back to the town where I moved away from when the calendar really read May.

Hope.

It's been a lot of days between real May and fake May. No, I'm not going to count them (English major). It's been a lot of tears cried, a lot of harsh prayers, a lot of mopey blog posts.

But today, May 28 to some, January 13 to others, the world starts fresh.

I hit 1,000 on my list of blessings. I am moving out of my parents' house. I am returning to the land I love. This is a new beginning.

I don't know what that means. It may mean that in three months I return to limbo. It may mean that I work at Starbucks for the rest of my life. It may mean that I convince myself to be a student again. I don't know.

But God does.

And I'm willing to trust that. I'm willing to cling to the promise that He has not let abandoned me nor will He ever. I'm willing to hope, willing to dream, and willing to not know what the future holds.

Hope. It's good. Just like God.

Hope. It's necessary. Just like God.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12

<>< Katie

Rediscovering a Favorite

Romans used to be my favorite book of the Bible.  Then I tried to teach it.  All.  In one semester.

Ever since then, I've kind of been scared of it.  Like my small group girls were going to leap out of the pages and call me a failure.

I've read Romans because I had to, but all in all I've tried to steer clear of it.

The other night, a verse popped into my head,

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12:2 NIV

I wanted to investigate something, so I reached for my Bible and flipped to Romans 12.  I started reading and nothing looked familiar.  Maybe I had the reference wrong?

No, I was reading the Message.  And I was loving it!  Words, phrases, and ideas I'd grazed over a million times were hitting me in a new way.  It was so powerful!

I read the chapter all the way through and immediately returned to verse one to read it again.  Words bounced off the page and into my heart.

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." - Romans 12:1-2 MSG

I know it didn't have anything to do with Eugene Peterson or the MSG, but it had everything to do with the Holy Spirit.  He used something different to get my attention.

And I liked it.  A lot.

TSD- Try Something Different

Excuse me, I have more passages to rediscover.

<>< Katie

What does that mean?

In my small group a few weeks ago we were struggling over Romans 10:5-9. We read the NIV and it didn't make any sense. So moved to the ESV. Silly me, I thought the "E" in ESV stood for "English." Clearly not because that doesn't make any sense. This passage made my brain hurt. We mulled over it for probably ten minutes before quiet Stephanie sitting across from me said, "I don't know if this will help or not, but I could read my translation." She read her NLT and suddenly the passage made sense!

Sitting right there in the middle of small group I had a God moment. God used that confusion moment (or confusion moments) to teach me about searching for answers.

How often do we search and search unable to find what we're looking for? We're confused, frustrated, and uncertain. We're crying out to him not understanding anything and then all of the sudden... BOOM! There is your answer! And low and behold, it had been right in front of you the whole time. If we'd have asked Stephanie to read her translation earlier, the passage would have made sense sooner but nooooo... we had to do our own thing and struggle with it on our own until she piped up and offered.

Pay attention to what's right in front of your face! Ask others for help in clarification. You don't have to do it on your own.

In Christ,
<>< Katie