Wacky Wednesday

Author's Note: The following is a collection of ridiculous or profound statements and conversations heard throughout the month of December. <>< Katie

[In bed not wanting to get up on a Sunday morning]
Jennifer: Why can't we just have church here?
Katie: Those are called televangelists.
Amy: Or Katie could preach. My Bible's over there.
Katie: Oh, good. I need that.
Amy: Jennifer can be the pulpit.
Katie: Who's going to serve communion?
Amy: We're Baptist. We don't do that every day.

Mrs L: There's the cookie sheet I've been looking for! The flat one.

Mom: Awe, man! My new vacuum is parts as parts! With screws and everything! I just want to plug and play! I don't have time to put together a vacuum cleaner; I have to vacuum! The humanity!

Katie: What is that noise and how do we make it stop?
Mom: It's me washing the windows.
Katie: Oh. It sounds like Tina's farting ringtone.

Katie: This is your job for next week.
Uncle Jack: Put that vacuum together? That I can do. Is there more than one piece?
Katie: No.
Uncle Jack: Well, then we're pretty much done. What's the next project?
Katie: Fix the dishwasher. That's tomorrow's job. It can't wait until next week.

Uncle Boris: For senior photos I got: "Your head looks like a mushroom" or "your head looks like a plantain."

Amy: How do you only lose one boot?
Jo: I just kicked it off and I don't know. How do you need stitches once a week?
Amy: What?
Jo: I'm not kidding. Every Saturday I needed stitches. It was usually stupid stuff too like getting excited when the grandparents came over and tripping up the cement stairs.

Katie: Look! It's a bracelet I can wear as a belt and it's ok!

Dustin: Katie, what's one word that describes you?
Phil: Jobless.

Jennifer: Your volcanic pretzels look like an anteater nose.

Mom: Now you told Laura that she has big feet and Christina that she weighs more than the dog. You  need to go to bed. Go to your room!
Uncle Jack: Oh, do you need a complement, too? You look very nice up there dusting.

Alex: No more squeaking in the car.

Caroline: (something about) Britney Spears.
Katie: Does she have hair again?
David: I thought she was dead. I thought she D.O.ed. I mead ODed.

Laura: Girl, I have a knife and an onion in my hand. Don't mess with me!]

Jennifer: Katie, if you were on a desert island with email and a book, you'd be just fine.
Katie: Yeah, I'd just Tweet for someone to come rescue me.
Jennifer: You wouldn't have Twitter. Well, I guess you could just email someone.

Jo: How do you poop in your shoe when you lay on your back?
Amy: He's two months old. Who knows!

Mom: Look at those white caps!
Katie: Those aren't white caps; they're mud puddles.

Jennifer: So we put these there.
Katie: But these already have those.
Jennifer: "These already have those?" Katie, I wish you would write down your own quotes.
Katie: Sometimes I do.

Alex: Wal-mart is like a time-warp. You walk in and boom you've been there for an hour.

Katie: We have a tendency to be late to Peder Eide concerts.
Mom: No, you have a tendency to be late.
Katie: No, last time I was two hours early! But I might have been responsible for making the entire concert late.

Uncle: All of the sudden you get a gray eyebrow, and it's like, "I'm here, and I'm looking around! I can drive the car all by myself, thank you. Where's my beer?!"

Amy: By the time I get to church I'm tired.
Katie: Amy doesn't love Jesus!
Amy: No. [Beat] Wait. [Beat] What did you say?

Laura: Do we have any Dixie cups?
Mom: Yes, they're in the slow cooker.

Christina: Laura, I really like those pants. They make your legs look two inches deep.

Uncle Boris: If you give a moose a muffin.
Mom: If you give a pig a pancake.
Katie: If you give a squirrel a shrimp.
Uncle Boris: If you give a cow a cornflake.
Mom: If you give a mouse a cookie.
Uncle Boris: No, it has to start with the same number.

Grandma: The [Christmas] tree was giving me the finger in reverse.

Katie: I have "Live Like Christmas" stuck in my head.
Laura: Good! 'Cuz IT'S CHRISTMAS!

Tabitha: Sorry. My stomach makes weird noises after I eat.
Rebekah: It's called digestion.

Alex: You just stabbed yourself with my fingernail.

Laura: I have to go pick up twenty things in my room because that's how old I am.
Mom: Or you could pick up for twenty minutes.
Laura: No!

Jamie: My goal this weekend is to make it in Katie's quote book.

Mom: Oh, there's a random plate in the fridge.
Katie: Better than a fork in the den.
Friend: Did I just walk into an alternate dimension?
Christina: Welcome to the Axelsons'!

Jamie: Ok, she never needs to wear her hair like that again. She looks like the girl from Star Wars--Glena.

Mom: If I'm going to get anything done today, I have to take off this sweater.
Katie: What?! If you want to be productive, you have to be naked?
Mom: No, no, no. That's now what I said. This sweater--
Laura: She already told me. That sweater you can't roll up the sleeves and the bottom's stretched out so it's BAAHUM PAAAAAH!
Katie: Is that a direct quote?
Mom: How do you spell that?

Chris: What will Andy say is your quirkiest feature?
Elizabeth: I repeat myself. I say the same thing.

"Rudolph is like the Bible--you can't take it out of context."

Uncle Jack: We didn't pray, you know.
Katie: I talked to Jesus already.
Uncle Jack: I find myself doing that a lot--especially with you guys around.

Jennifer: Save money. Buy pants.

Katie: Matthew, I really don't mind if you sing Christmas songs--even if your voice isn't cooperating. But we need Jesus Christmas songs. No Santa Christmas songs today.
Matthew: Well, if you paint Santa as a Christ-figure--
Katie: No.

Laura: Sometimes Miranda bites me.
Mom: Bite her back!
Laura: Zach did once, and she cried!

Katie: Jennifer, do I need my Bible?
Amy [serious]: No. We're only going to church.

Rhonda: Awe, man, I am tired! Claudia, it's going to have to be a fast bath.
Donovan: I am totally Tweeting that!
Rhonda, Claudia: No! We want jobs some day! Don't Tweet about us giving the cat a bath.

Mom: Katie's driving so that means she's ultimately the boss!

Katie: Does anyone know what the temperature is supposed to be today?
Amy: Check your email.
Jennifer: High of 51. So cold!

Mom: I have not successfully made burnt carrots yet!

Lauren: Do you spell your name as one word or two?
Maryrose: One with no capital "r."
Sarah: I don't think God cares.

Katie: What's for dinner?
Mom: I don't know yet. I don't know who's all going to be here. If it's just Dad and me, we're having steak. If everybody's here, we're having bologna.

Laura: If your socks and my socks had a baby, it would look like this scarf!

"God appoints people who disappoint to point to a God who never disappoints." - Ann Voskamp

Wacky Wednesday

Author's Note: The following come from real conversations. They are the crazy, funny, or profound things heard in everyday, sober conversation or discovered in a book. If you ever hear a great/weird conversation, please feel free to send it to me. Who knows, it may be featured in a Wacky Wednesday! <>< Katie

Katie: I'm going to write that down for Wacky Wednesday.
Jennifer: No! You have to wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow is Wednesday.
Katie: No, no, no Wacky Wednesday is only the first Wednesday of the month.
Jennifer: Well, tomorrow is the first Wednesday of the month you've been with me!

Allyson: I don't know why "bewares" camed out.

Dad: Do you need any help with anything before I go to bed?
Uncle Bill: You could brush my teeth for me or take out my contacts. I'll just lay there.
Dad: I'm going to hurt you in the morning.

Katie: What's the weather like outside?
Elizabeth: It's like medium.

Mom: Ooooh! Do these stoplights tweet like the ones in Baptist Country? Oh, no, those are real birds.

Katie: You've got candy all over your face.
Amy: Your face is candy!

Alex: You have to assert your manhood.
Jennifer: I don't have any manhood to search.

Dad: Do you growl at them sometimes?
Laura: [Sheepishly] Yeah. [Proudly] I even bark at them sometimes!

Laura: The capital of Honduras is To-gucci-golf-ball.

"I don't think I'm a failure because I have had fears, and I certainly don't think that it is a requirement for Christians to forgo fear in order to be good followers of Christ. I believe fear is the natural response to the question satan whispered, and I find that every day I have to adjust my footing consciously to move toward Jesus." - Angie Smith, What Women Fear, 4

Sara: You [Katie] only have good ideas today. And on Wacky Wednesday.

Alex: Katie, what would you say are Jennifer's top three qualities?
Jennifer: You can't just limit it to three; I have so many. Humility is one of them.

[SC, 16, counting on her fingers]
Katie: Do you need me to take off my shoes?
SC: Huh?
[explained]
SC: But why did she make it sound like an insult?

Girl, 13: There are no cows here, so--!

Amy: What is that?
Katie: It's a flower on the top of the mountain. It was my attempt at being artsy. Apparently I'm not as good as Allyson.
Amy: No, I like it. I was just... confused.

Boy, 11: You can stay here and you won't even have to fold laundry!

Jennifer: I like your ring. Who made it for you? [She had]
Katie: I don't know. Some stranger.
Jennifer: Stranger than who?
Katie: Allyson.
Allyson: What?

Allyson: Wait! Was this morning Wednesday?

"The world is not going to teach us how to love God; only God can do that." - Angie Smith, What Women Fear, 43

David: The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker.
Rebekah: That's what little girls are made of!

Jennifer: My right foot writes well.

Carson: I don't really understand why girls like making their heads look like horse butts.
Girls: What?!
Carson: Ponytails. Where is a pony's tail? The butt.

Mother: We could cage him [the dog].
Son: We could cage Brother.

Rebekah: Like you licking Nikki?
Katie: NO!!
Rebekah: Sorry, Nikki licking you?

Mark: You [Katie] take the left over brownies. They'll look better on you than they will one me.

Katie: Ok, I'm going to leave it blank.
Alex: Go to the bank.
Jennifer: Why are you going to the bank?! It's 11pm. They're closed.

Katie: I have helicopter parents: they hover but they don't choke.

Allyson: I don't think we were acting too strange.
Katie: We were pretty normal for us but strange for most people.
Allyson [light bulb]: That was it!

Nikki: MW did it, and if he can do it then so can I, maybe even teach at a better university.
Katie: Woah, woah, woah! First, did you just compare yourself to All Star English Major MW? Second, did you just dis our alma mater?

"Faith for my deliverance is not faith in God. Faith means, whether I am visibly delivered or not, I will stick to my belief that God is love. There are some things only learned from a fiery furnace." - Oswald Chambers in Run Today's Race

Allyson: Are you going to get your haircut?
Jennifer: I don't know where.
Allyson: Tah-tay-tow?

Neal: Are you blogging?
Katie: Are you making fun of me?
Neal: I don't make fun of people.
Katie: Neither do I.
Neal: You're not sarcastic either.

Sarah: He's not Slut Bucket; he's Garret the Ferret.
Rebekah: He's not a rodent!
Sarah: He's more of a rodent than a slut.
Garret: Hey, now!

Allyson: Katie's just so cool. She has good body language, too, and her thinking is so... inter... intermaculate. It's real cool. And, Katie, I like her walk.

"We don't just want to get them out of the dumpsite; we want to get the dumpsite out of their hearts." - Tania Meza

Touch

Sometimes Elizabeth is struck with this uncontrollable urge to touch someone's hair.  It's really bad when she walks up to a stranger and starts running her finger's through this person's hair.

I had an "Elizabeth Moment" the other day.  Sarah was sitting beside me in class with a stack of blank paper in her notebook.  During the entire 50-minute class I had this barely controllable urge to run my hand along her beautiful paper.  I'm a writer; I can't help it.  Don't judge; it's the little things in life.  As soon as the professor dismissed the class, my left hand shot across the aisle and onto Sarah's notebook.  It happened at the exact moment that she was closing her notebook, sandwiching my hand between the new and the used paper.  She gave me a weird look, I explained, and the weird look continued.  But she let me touch her paper.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, what if had the same urge to touch lives in His name?

Christian told me this story about his first trip to Guatemala.  They were serving food outside the garbage dump in Guatemala City.  As the dump inhabitants came for food, Christian and some of the other members of his team sanitized their hands.

"The biggest thing we could do for them was to touch them.  These people were considered untouchable and when we touched them to sanitize their hands we accepted them," he explained.

Jesus did the same thing in touching the man with leprosy in Matthew 8. He could have said, "You are healed," and it would have been done. He's God. He has the power to do that. But He didn't. He made a point to touch someone that society had seemed untouchable.

Now, I'm not saying run up to everybody and touch them.  There are ways to touch people without ever making physical contact.

Jennifer and Amy just sent letters to their Compassion children in the Philippines and Ecuador. Lives touched. The executive chef served some weakling from the self-serve ice cream cooler. Life touched. We packed seven Operation Christmas Child boxes last week. Lives touched. A grad student spent her birthday doing homework and grading papers, alone, until some friends invited her over to hang out. Life touched.

It doesn't always take much. A small act can have a huge impact.

May the Lord give us all uncontrollable urges to touch the lives of His children and those who do not yet know Him. Let's do it all in His name.

<>< Katie

PS: I was inspired to write this during church this morning. As I was revising tonight, I was thinking about how it was similar to this post I wrote for Kaitlyn's birthday. I just found out an hour ago that after two and a half years of medical treatment 800 miles from home, Kaitlyn finally will be able to go home this December! What a wonderful Christmas present!

Wacky Wednesday

We all say funny things.  Some of us more than others.  <>< Katie

Dad: I'm booking your hotel for Festival.
[This was literally two days after Festival...he clarified it was for 2011]
Laura: Mom said you already did that.
Dad: Yeah, well, hotels are weird.  Sometimes you have to call them twice.

Random Guy in the Post Office: You don't need a passport to visit Hawaii, do you?  Because it's in the same country, right?

Katie: What's the purpose of a foyer?
Mom: To welcome your friends into your house.
Katie: Last time I had a friend over it was October.  And we came in through the garage.
Mom: I'm sorry your friends don't live in this country.

Christina: What's another word for "mouth" that starts with a "b"?
Laura: Orifice.
Christina: That's it!

Peder: Hey, Festival, love your lawn chair.  Hug your lawn chair.  Take your lawn chair home with you otherwise it will go into the lawn chair morgue, and we don't want that.  We love our lawn chairs.  You can bring your lawn chair back at noon tomorrow.

[Easter Sunday morning]
Katie: What's in your pocket?
Andy: My pocket knife.
Katie: Why?
Andy: In case I need to cut something.
Katie: What are you cutting in church?
Andy: Who knows: sandwiches, pickles, leaves, people--I'm trained to handle that.
Katie: It's wrong to cut people.
Andy: What about surgeons?  They cut people.
Katie: That's a slightly different situation.
Andy: You're a slightly different situation.
Katie: So you're bringing your knife to church because we're going to have surgery in our church clothes?
Andy: No, they cut those off.

Mom: Tina, get the blue laundry basket off of the... um... what's it called?... um...
Katie: Chair.  Washing machine.  Couch.  Counter.  Mantel.
Mom: Deck!
Katie: I'm glad you figured it out on your own because I would have been shouting nouns at you for a long time before I came up with that one.

[a facebook conversation... no photo involved]
Brother One: Brother!  Nobody wants to see your poop!
Brother Two: Please?
Katie: I bet your dad's interested.
the dad: I'm as interested as Katie is.
Katie: I like poop stories better, thanks.

Sarah: I sleep in pajamas most nights.

[on the bus back from the NYG]
Katie: Pastor Russ, I don't have ample floorspace back here, so I put my flip flops under your seat.  If they slide up there, just kick them back to me, please.
Pastor Russ: If they slide up here, I'm throwing them in the garbage.
Katie: That's fine, but then I get to wear your shoes.
PR: Good thing I only have four different types of foot fungus.

[Mom had just used some relatively normal medical term... Christina's in high school]
Christina: I know I'm going to be a nurse and I should know what that means, but I haven't taken physics yet.

Uncle Bill: What are you holding?  A zucchini?  A cucumber?
Uncle Jay: A carrot?
Dad: A grape?
Uncle Jay: With elephantitis!
[it was a potato... a normal potato.... now forever known as a grape with elephantitis]

Christina: Daddy, why were you at the doctor?
Dad [creepy voice]: Bahlud.  Vampries.  Bahlud.
Christina: Did they take a pint?
Dad [serious voice]: A quart.  Might have been a half-gallon.
Christina: Oh.

Pastor Seth: Have you gotten dinner?
Katie: I ate lunch at like 3.
PS: So you had lunner?

Mom: I need a Rav-4 Brochure.
Katie: I don't know what that means.
Mom: A Rav-4 is a car and a brochure is a little booklet.
I took her all of the little booklets I could find.

Speaker Dude: Your story isn't about you.  Look it up.  [pointing to a Bible]

Nikki: Keith!  I think I'm sick, I've blogged twice in a week and I have two others in draft.
Keith: If that is sick, rush me to the critical care unit.  And bury Katie; she's been dead awhile.

The Homeless Man

This story made the Gathering website, but I'd like to tell it again.  Although not directly involved in the story, I was in that line of people wearing an orange shirt and a green backpack.  I also witnessed the connection of the dots later in the day.  It was a powerful moment.
<>< Katie

Planting- 6:45am
Lisa noticed a homeless man on her way to the convention center.  She asked how he was, and he said he guessed he was ok because he was alive.  She had to continue her walk, so she said, "Jesus loves you."

Sowing- 6:50am
Unaware of the previous interaction, Sarah was caught off guard when the homeless man looked at her, continued the conversation, and said, "But why does Jesus love me?"  She struggled for a minute before telling him about God's love and being God's child.

Reaping- 6:55am
A few minutes later Andrew, also unaware, walked by on his way to the convention center.  The homeless man shouted to him, "Jesus loves you."  Andrew smiled at the homeless man's faith.

The Lord, OUR GOD, is Holy.

Every January, my school this week of three nightly services and two morning services (normally we have one of each). This years' speakers were not my favorite, and I contemplated not going. I finally decided I'd go not because I like the messenger but because I love the One sending the message.

Well, I got lots of messages.
- God calls us to practice and teach. (Not just teach).
- In Matthew 7, Jesus basically says, "You're a dork."
- "Let your yeses be yes and your nos be no. And let your actions agree.
- We're not free because we have a hard time freeing ourselves from our past, people's expectations, and and our perceptions.

For tonight's service, a friend and I were asked to quote some scriptures and handed a page to memorize. Just the two of us. An entire page of Bible verses. In front of a plethora of people. Memorized. Microphone. The whole schebang.

Remember the little 5th grade girl who could hardly be heard in the first row of the stage much less the back? Yeah, she's gone. My friend and I were told that we wouldn't really need a microphone, but they wanted us to have one anyway. We both stood at least an arm's width away from the mic, so I don't even know how much of us it picked up.

Well, we got through it, and I only stumbled over one word. I couldn't properly pronounce the word "awesome" because my mouth wasn't working properly. That's it. The rest of it was there. Nice and slowly, too! But I can't take credit for any of it. There were times up on that stage where I had no idea what the next line was, but it came out.

Before the service, we prayed (like eight times). I prayed that God would be seen tonight tonight. I said if people saw David or Katie or Tara or Nathaniel or Matt then we'd failed. We'd all failed. It's not the messengers that need to be seen. It's the One sending the message. (That was my personal theme for this week). Well, when I finished I sat back down in the same seat I've sat in for the last three nights (the company has just changed over time).
"I had no idea I was sitting with a star," Sarah said. I smiled politely but the inside of me broke. That was exactly the opposite of what I'd prayed for.

God and I had a little discussion. I'm sure it's not the last time we'll have to have this chat. Truth be told, the only thing I did tonight is get my lazy butt out of the chair and let Him use me. It was terrifying, but it was so worth it.

I was talking to Sarah again afterwards and she said she was going to go fellowship. I told her I was leaving before fellowshipping (SHOCKER! That's something my church does well!) because I was didn't want to hear people tell me I did a good job. In all actuality, it was God who did a great job! (And I felt really corny saying that).

I'm not one to pull the "Statue of Liberty" or even a "Fork Lift"... I grew up in a church where we were lucky if we got more than the praise team clapping. There are probably three songs where my hands will go in the air. Our last song tonight was one of those. What better way to end a fantastic week but by singing:

I'll stand,
with arms high and heart abandoned.
In awe, of the One who gave it all.
I'll stand,
my soul, Lord, to You surrendered
all i am is Yours.

God is good,
<>< Katie

"Ascribe to the Lord the glory do to His name. Bring an offering and come before Him. Worship the Lord in the splendor of His holiness."