Wacky Wednesday

Author's Note: The following are quotations taken from real conversations heard, read, or encountered during the month of November. Enjoy!
<>< Katie

Scott: My wife told me we're going baby shopping this afternoon.
Bob: Didn't you already buy one of those?
Scott: Two. We bought two.
Bob: Make sure you save the receipt.
Dawn: Were they on sale?
Katie: Two for the price of one?
Bob: He's an extreme couponer!

Christina: Lady Gaga is a singer.
Dad: Lady Gaga is a nightmare.

Linnea: If my baby is born with a beard, we're switching it in the hospital!

Random Man to Son: You were crying in your apple juice.  Do you know why you were crying in your apple juice?  Because you don't like apple juice.
David: Book! [meaning Writer's Notebook where I keep Wacky Wednesday quotes]
Jocelyn: I like your boob! [She meant book]
David: Book!

Christina: What does the guy from "Sister Wives" put on facebook [for his relationship status]?

Katie: Shaun Groves just Tweeted, "Googling the lyrics to my own dadgum song."
Christina: Who's Lulu?
Katie: What?
Christina: Lulu liked his song? Who's Lulu?

Brent [To some giggly high school girls at a Peder Eide concert]: Go bug Peder. Seriously. It'll take some pressure off of Katie.

[Reading the monthly cell phone bill over dinner]
Dad: Someone spent three dollars downloading a video.
Mom: Wait a second, let me see that, that three dollars was the [Dad's number] guy.
Dad: Oops.
Katie: So what I'm hearing is that Laura's a minutes hog, Mom only texts Christina, Dad buys three dollar videos, and Katie wins with the least usage of everything.
Mom: Yeah, whatever.
Katie: Whatever? I haven't gotten a text message in three days.
Mom: That's because your inbox is full. You need a new phone.

"No matter what this world does, you're valuable. The Lord gives you help for the hurt and hope for the future." - Bob Lenz

[Taking a photo]
Katie: One, two, four.
Peder: Miss Katie, we need to work on your counting.
Katie: I was an English major.

[After I'd been on the phone for twenty minutes]
Grandma: I'm glad she took sign language in college!

[Putting my number in his phone]
Mark: L-A-U-R-A
Katie: Um... I spell my name with a K.

Mom: Here, wear this step stool!
Sparkle the cat: I just did. Why do I have to wear it again?

Laura: Katie! You'll be so proud of me! I played The Alphabet Game yesterday and WON! TWICE!
Katie: Was the other person driving?
Laura: There was no other person.

"Thank You that even in the wilderness You are Emmanuel--God with us." -Tracy

[On facebook]
Andy [to Elizabeth]: I love you!
Katie: I love you, too!
Andy: I think you misspelled two, Katie.
Katie: No, I only love you; not Elizabeth.
Andy: lol I completely saw that going the opposite direction! I love you too, Katie. And so does Elizabeth!
Katie: Success! I love you two and miss you, too!

Bob: Don't complain about being dress size one when I'm a sixteen!

Christina: How was Oscar's [the cat] surprise attack?
Mom: Well, the doctor cut off my wart today.

[Catch Phrase]
Linnea: The continent that--
Katie: Alaska!

Katie: With as little as I listen to the radio, when I know all the words to a song, it's overplayed.
[Laura burst out laughing]
Katie: Um... I didn't think what I said was that funny.
Laura: It wasn't! That... that bar we just... passed... had a... had a toilet... on the front porch!

Mark: I can walk and chew gum at the same time!

[via text]
Katie: I am at the coffee shop actually being productive on a Saturday for once!
Amber: Good for you
Katie: It's because you're not here.
Amber: Haha
Katie: But I am lonely.
Amber: That's why you're actually getting work done.

Jocelyn: They danced funnily.

Katie: Look at how these pants sit on me. If I didn't have my hips right here, they'd just fall right off. If something happened to my hips, I'd never be able to wear pants again... without suspenders.

Greg: We're going to catch a deer then put it in the back of the van and take it to the vet to kill it humanely.

[Mark was walking out of church with three empty cups]
Katie: Were you a little thirsty?
Mark: Yeah. Dehydrated.
Katie: You're going to have to go to the little boys' room.
Mark: No, I already--
Katie: You already went? In church?!
Mark: No. I'm wearing a diaper. [Beat] And you sat next to me. Does that make you uncomfortable?

Mom: Lies!
Laura: I wouldn't lie to you! You're my momma!
Katie: All the more reason to lie to her!

[At small group]
Dustin: No talking about Jesus! It's not allowed.
Katie: I'm not going to be able to come anymore.
Dustin: Wait, what? Why can't you come anymore?!
Katie: Because we can't talk about Jesus.
Dustin: Oh, ok.

Mom: Come here. And don't get excited because I'm asking you to follow me upstairs.
[Dad's face fell]
Mom: The balance ball is NOT a horizontal surface!

Charlie: I have this friend. I don't know if he's alive. I've been checking the obituaries but I haven't found him, so I'm going to call him. I figure if he picks up, that's a good sign.

Lauren: It's the same storyline just with different characters.
David: Twilight?
Drew: No, those are the same characters.

Katie: This shirt kind of makes me look fat.
Mom: Good! Wear it every day!

Hygienist: Do you floss?
Katie: Yes. Not like I should but yes. Especially after I eat popcorn.
Hygienist: Ok, every day at 3:00 you have to eat popcorn.
Katie: That I can do!

"Praise, not perfection. He wants my praise not my perfection." - Ann Voskamp

Wacky Wednesday

Author's Note: the following is a collection of ridiculous statements or deeply profound conclusions that I have heard, seen, or been told over the last month.  Some are meant in jest.  Some are not.  As always, some have been forgotten before they could be written down.  My deepest apologies.  Enjoy!
<>< Katie

Tracy: We cannot prevent the storm but we can prepare for it.

Neal: Have you already eaten?
Katie: Yeah, I ate over there.
Neal: Oh.
Katie: But if I sit next to Stacy long enough I might have to eat again.

Katie: Your shirt's crooked. I would have told you that immediately when you walked in but I was kind of like, "Meh, it's Nikki, at least she's wearing clothing."

Mom [walking into an empty kitchen]: So then we... wait!  Where is everybody?  It's the rapture and they've all been taken but I've been left behind!

Nikki: I got some llama slobber on my formal dress.

Pete Wilson: Your crisis will become less of a crisis when you replace fear of the unknown with a healthy fear of the known God.

Girl [age 10]: How do you stop turkeys from stargazing?

Amy: I wish tomorrow was Saturday.
Nikki: Hey, now, at this point we're not wishing away days.
Amy: No, just two Saturdays in a row.  Let's pray about that.
Stacy [running in from the other room]: Pray about what?

Men: Bro picture!
Michael: Let's stand somewhere with pretty flowers in the background.

Neal: Does everyone who sits at this table have to be loud?!

Katie: I can drink and dance at the same time; I'm Lutheran.

Amy: Jennifer!  Can you get the bug spray?  I don't want to lose sight of this spider!
Nikki: Don't smash him in the carpet!  That won't come out of the carpet!
Nikki, Amy, Jennifer: AHHHHHHH!!
Nikki: Wait!  We have shoes!  Why don't we use shoes?
Amy: Katie!
[Apparently I'm the only one with shoes]

Professor: The brain can only absorb what the seat can endure.

Amy: Katie, can I have another Crunch bar?
Elizabeth: Did Amy just use the word "coinstar"?

Martin Luther: God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone but also on the trees and in the flowers and clouds and stars.

Neal: I am like an elephant.
Katie: What does that mean?!  You're huge and you have a long trunk?

Chase: We are wired for worship.  We are made to worship. But often times we worship what was created rather than the Creator.

English misspeak and mock...
Katie: When you speak three languages, we'll talk!  And in one of the other ones.

Anonymous Female Friend: In heaven we will never have to wear a bra again!

Elizabeth: I'll take a coffee.  Do you have any specialty coffee?
Waiter: Decaf.

Elizabeth: And I want apple butter.  I'm requesting it.  The menu says "on request."

Teresa: Be intentional with your relationships and be intentional with your time unless you want them to be stolen away.

Jennifer: I want to buy someone to play guitar for me while I fall asleep.
Katie: Usually when the words "buy" and "someone" are put together we use the word "hire."
Jennifer: Ok, I'm going to hire someone to play guitar for me and eventually they'll learn to do it for free and then they'll volunteer.

Keith: I was averaging a book a week in that class.  I was booking it!

David: Ultimately life continues regardless of our desire for time to stand still.  God has given us each day so we should take joy in those moments.

Amy: It's like we always tell Katie: mockery is the greatest form of love.
Elizabeth: Katie, they are lying to you.  They just want to make fun of you.

"A story is only sad if there's no happy ending.  I guess I always believe in that ending." - Dr. Julia Cates from Magic Hour by Kristin Hannah

Mom: I don't know what brushing my teeth has to do with Christmas.

Pastor Russ: We don't enjoy the time in between.  It feels like a wasteland.

Adam [offering a poptart]: Want some?
Sara: What kind is it?
Adam: Cherry.
Sara: Dairy?
David: Yes, earring.

Nikki: Katie, I was really thirsty, so I pretended we were in a foreign country and drank some of your water.

Micah [preteen]: Um... don't slip.  Do you want to have kids?

Neal: Remember, the longer the story the more embellishing.