Secret (Ghostwriting Part Four)

Note: This is the fourth and final (planned) post in our ghostwriting series. Sorry they've been so spread out. Be sure to check out the first three posts: Moral, Famous, and Voice. If you've got questions, enjoyed the series, or just want to say hi, feel free to leave it in the comments.

As soon as I hang up the phone accepting a new ghostwriting offer, I'm giddy. I run around the house like a crazy woman; I giggle uncontrollably. You'd have to try really hard to remove the smile from my face.

Like good family and friends, people who see me ask why I'm so excited.

Here's the thing about ghostwriting: I can't tell them. The job of a ghostwriter is to be invisible. That includes not telling people she wrote that book, article, letter, piece.

When my family/friends ask, sometimes I tell them I have a new ghostwriting opportunity. Sometimes I just smile and smile and smile. Sometimes I'm a bad secret-keeper and blurt out my new opportunity. I am so excited I just can't keep it inside of me. Like a small child who purchased a parent a Christmas present, that present will not remain a secret until Christmas no matter how hard the child tries.

In the original ending of the Gospel of Mark, the women leave the empty tomb and don't tell anyone what they saw.

What if the story ended there?
What if they kept the resurrection of Christ a secret?

Imagine how different life would be. For you. For me. Imagine how different history would be.

Yet don't we do that all of the time? If you call yourself a Christian, then inside of you is the secret of the ressurected Christ. That good news should evoke the same emotion in you that ghostwriting does for me (only moreso). Unceasing smiles, uncontrollable laughter, looking so silly that people ask you what's up.

Um, hello, your debt has been paid in blood and you get to call the Creator of the universe "Daddy."

And I get excited over writing in someone else's name.

Through Christ, we get to live in someone else's name. Forever.

If you're ghostwriting for the Lord, you've got to blurt your "secret."

Are you a child-like ghostwriter bursting to tell or are you leaving the tomb in fear?

<>< Katie

Wacky Wednesday

Author's Note: The following are quotations taken from real conversations heard, read, or encountered during the month of November. Enjoy!
<>< Katie

Scott: My wife told me we're going baby shopping this afternoon.
Bob: Didn't you already buy one of those?
Scott: Two. We bought two.
Bob: Make sure you save the receipt.
Dawn: Were they on sale?
Katie: Two for the price of one?
Bob: He's an extreme couponer!

Christina: Lady Gaga is a singer.
Dad: Lady Gaga is a nightmare.

Linnea: If my baby is born with a beard, we're switching it in the hospital!

Random Man to Son: You were crying in your apple juice.  Do you know why you were crying in your apple juice?  Because you don't like apple juice.
David: Book! [meaning Writer's Notebook where I keep Wacky Wednesday quotes]
Jocelyn: I like your boob! [She meant book]
David: Book!

Christina: What does the guy from "Sister Wives" put on facebook [for his relationship status]?

Katie: Shaun Groves just Tweeted, "Googling the lyrics to my own dadgum song."
Christina: Who's Lulu?
Katie: What?
Christina: Lulu liked his song? Who's Lulu?

Brent [To some giggly high school girls at a Peder Eide concert]: Go bug Peder. Seriously. It'll take some pressure off of Katie.

[Reading the monthly cell phone bill over dinner]
Dad: Someone spent three dollars downloading a video.
Mom: Wait a second, let me see that, that three dollars was the [Dad's number] guy.
Dad: Oops.
Katie: So what I'm hearing is that Laura's a minutes hog, Mom only texts Christina, Dad buys three dollar videos, and Katie wins with the least usage of everything.
Mom: Yeah, whatever.
Katie: Whatever? I haven't gotten a text message in three days.
Mom: That's because your inbox is full. You need a new phone.

"No matter what this world does, you're valuable. The Lord gives you help for the hurt and hope for the future." - Bob Lenz

[Taking a photo]
Katie: One, two, four.
Peder: Miss Katie, we need to work on your counting.
Katie: I was an English major.

[After I'd been on the phone for twenty minutes]
Grandma: I'm glad she took sign language in college!

[Putting my number in his phone]
Mark: L-A-U-R-A
Katie: Um... I spell my name with a K.

Mom: Here, wear this step stool!
Sparkle the cat: I just did. Why do I have to wear it again?

Laura: Katie! You'll be so proud of me! I played The Alphabet Game yesterday and WON! TWICE!
Katie: Was the other person driving?
Laura: There was no other person.

"Thank You that even in the wilderness You are Emmanuel--God with us." -Tracy

[On facebook]
Andy [to Elizabeth]: I love you!
Katie: I love you, too!
Andy: I think you misspelled two, Katie.
Katie: No, I only love you; not Elizabeth.
Andy: lol I completely saw that going the opposite direction! I love you too, Katie. And so does Elizabeth!
Katie: Success! I love you two and miss you, too!

Bob: Don't complain about being dress size one when I'm a sixteen!

Christina: How was Oscar's [the cat] surprise attack?
Mom: Well, the doctor cut off my wart today.

[Catch Phrase]
Linnea: The continent that--
Katie: Alaska!

Katie: With as little as I listen to the radio, when I know all the words to a song, it's overplayed.
[Laura burst out laughing]
Katie: Um... I didn't think what I said was that funny.
Laura: It wasn't! That... that bar we just... passed... had a... had a toilet... on the front porch!

Mark: I can walk and chew gum at the same time!

[via text]
Katie: I am at the coffee shop actually being productive on a Saturday for once!
Amber: Good for you
Katie: It's because you're not here.
Amber: Haha
Katie: But I am lonely.
Amber: That's why you're actually getting work done.

Jocelyn: They danced funnily.

Katie: Look at how these pants sit on me. If I didn't have my hips right here, they'd just fall right off. If something happened to my hips, I'd never be able to wear pants again... without suspenders.

Greg: We're going to catch a deer then put it in the back of the van and take it to the vet to kill it humanely.

[Mark was walking out of church with three empty cups]
Katie: Were you a little thirsty?
Mark: Yeah. Dehydrated.
Katie: You're going to have to go to the little boys' room.
Mark: No, I already--
Katie: You already went? In church?!
Mark: No. I'm wearing a diaper. [Beat] And you sat next to me. Does that make you uncomfortable?

Mom: Lies!
Laura: I wouldn't lie to you! You're my momma!
Katie: All the more reason to lie to her!

[At small group]
Dustin: No talking about Jesus! It's not allowed.
Katie: I'm not going to be able to come anymore.
Dustin: Wait, what? Why can't you come anymore?!
Katie: Because we can't talk about Jesus.
Dustin: Oh, ok.

Mom: Come here. And don't get excited because I'm asking you to follow me upstairs.
[Dad's face fell]
Mom: The balance ball is NOT a horizontal surface!

Charlie: I have this friend. I don't know if he's alive. I've been checking the obituaries but I haven't found him, so I'm going to call him. I figure if he picks up, that's a good sign.

Lauren: It's the same storyline just with different characters.
David: Twilight?
Drew: No, those are the same characters.

Katie: This shirt kind of makes me look fat.
Mom: Good! Wear it every day!

Hygienist: Do you floss?
Katie: Yes. Not like I should but yes. Especially after I eat popcorn.
Hygienist: Ok, every day at 3:00 you have to eat popcorn.
Katie: That I can do!

"Praise, not perfection. He wants my praise not my perfection." - Ann Voskamp

Life-Long Friendships

My dad's birthday was earlier this month, so while everyone else was out, I had the job of answering our home phone.  I don't usually pay any attention to the home phone because no one calls me there.  But this particular day I did and what I saw was an area code from Baptist Country.

Even though I knew the call wasn't for me, I got excited.  Talking on the phone to someone in that state made me feel closer to my college friends.  It was the wife of one of my dad's college buddies calling to wish Dad a happy birthday.

A few hours later we received another call from Baptist Country.  This time it was the husband of the woman who called earlier.  I answered the phone and passed it on to the Birthday Boy.

Even though he went into the other room, I could still hear their bantering, the inside jokes and stories that never get old, and the gut-busting laughter.  I couldn't help but smile.  Even though their relationship has been mostly limited to an annual dinner (thanks to having a daughter in the area... wait, that was me) and birthday phone calls, my dad and Mark still have a friendship.

That brought me an amazing amount of encouragement to know that even when we're not seeing each other every day, my college friends and I can still joke around, retell stories, and (yes, even) sass each other.  While the miles between us will change, our friendship will remain the same.

<>< Katie

PS: College friends who thought they were finally free of me and my sassy, sanitary self... so sorry!

Your Neighborhood Merch Sellers

Amy: Things like this only happen when I'm with you, Katie.

I subconsciously collect two things:
1. People named Mark (my family has FIVE family friends named Mark... we don't have any other duplicates).
2.  Odd situations.  I AM living a story worth telling.

On Friday night, Amy got another opportunity to experience this with me.  I wanted to go to Miracle in Bedford Falls, a musical in town, and Amy was the only one brave enough to go with me.

We showed up and the sign said the show was sold out.  I had four tickets on reserve, but we were only going to need two.  When I gave my name at Will Call the woman made an, "Oh!" face.  You know, the one that can only be followed by bad news.

Woman: We sold them.  We could only hold tickets for a week.  We tried to call you but we didn't have a phone number and you're not in the phone book.

When I spoke to a woman on the phone three weeks ago she never mentioned the week rule and I told her I was out of state.

They said don't panic.  Yes, the show was sold out but there were always no-shows, so they'd be able to find us two seats.  Just hang out for a bit.

Ok, great.  While we were standing in the atrium people watching, in came Mark.  This Mark happened to be the man who wrote the musical we were about to see.  Long story short, I know him.  We greeted each other with a nice long hug and some friendly chit chat.  I told him what had happened to our tickets and he apologized again.  As he was walking away he turned back to me.

Mark: Katie, can you stay after a little while and help me sell CDs?  [to Amy] And can you help too?

We didn't even have tickets to the musical but we were hired to sell CDs.  Of course, we said yes.

Amy: This is the second time this semester you've been asked to sell merchandise and I've been roped in to help.

She was right.  A few months ago we sold CDs for Shaun Groves and got to talk about Compassion.  It was the best job ever!  It was also moderately intense.  Everything I know about CD sales I learned from Ben, Shaun's merch and sound guy.

After the show, Amy and I set up the table to look nice, sold CDs, even made a make-shift cash box.
Mark: So, how many did we sell?  Two?
Katie: Five actually.  And you gave away two.
Mark: [Surprised] I'm glad you kept track of that!

Amy and I decided we're going to drop out of college and just become professional merchandise saleswomen.  We rock at this job!   Now, if only someone would pay us...

Amy: I have never done stuff like that in my life!  But I've done it twice this semester and it's because of you!
Katie: Either I don't know how to say no or I just know the right people.  Take your pick.

By the way, we did end up getting to see the musical.  We had third row seats even!  They were better than the tickets I had reserved.  God is good, right?

Have a great Saturday, and if you need someone to sell CDs, I know some good ones.  We could probably do books too.  ;-)

<>< Katie

Funerals and Weddings

My dad discovered my blog yesterday.  More like, he came to pester me while I was proof reading and recognized his own scribble handwriting on the screen.  Since then, he has been a bragging father sharing the url (which he still hasn't memorized) with his friends and colleagues.  He also printed yesterday's blog and made Mom read aloud it to my grandparents and sisters.  She almost made it all the way through, too.  However, all of this means I have to behave for the next few days while his friends investigate this site.  Sorry to disappoint but there will be no poop stories this week.  :-)

By the way, today my parents are celebrating their 24th wedding anniversary!

<>< Katie

The other day, I was standing in the church atrium with my favorite funeral director, Mark.  A wedding was about to take place, but we weren't there for the wedding.  We were loitering by the door.

"You know," Mark said, "there really is no difference between weddings and funerals.  I mean, there's a minister for both, and they're both an end.  The only difference is that one you're rolled in and the other you meander in."

I was kind of stunned by the pessimism in this statement, especially coming from someone as upbeat and fun-loving as Mark.  I feel the need to mention that he's happily married.  We kind of joked about it and moved on to joke about something else.

Later, I was thinking about our conversation again, and I realized he's right.  He failed to mention they both also involve crying and Mark greeting at the door.  In all seriousness, they are both an end.  But, at the same time, they are both a beginning.  A wedding is the beginning of a life together.  In the faith that Mark and I share, a funeral is the beginning of a new life, an eternal life.

It was only then that I realized Mark was not the first person to speak about weddings and funerals in the same way.  Jesus Himself did it.

In John 14, Jesus says, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me. In My Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

Sounds to me like heaven-talk.  Funeral words.  Yes, but it's more.  It's a cultural thing we miss, but His listeners would have been befuddled.  This was wedding talk.

Max Lucado writes, "We Westerners might miss the wedding images, but you can bet your sweet chuppah that Jesus' listeners didn't.  This was a groom-to-bride promise.  Upon receiving the permission of both families, the groom returned to the home of his father and build a home for his bride.  He 'prepared a place'" (Fearless 118).

Lucado goes on to explain that Jesus puts funerals and weddings on the same platform.  They share the same hope.  When walking down the aisle, the excitement felt by the pallbearers should be the same as that felt by the bride.

I have never planned a wedding.  Neither have I a planned a funeral.  I pray I get the participate in the former before the latter.  However, if that is not the case, will I face them both with the same hope-filled anticipation? 

Just some food for thought.

<>< Katie

Wet Willy

Growing up, when we went to a party my sisters and all of the other kids were always lost in a made up world somewhere else.  I, on the other hand, loved to sit at the table and listen to my parents and their friends tell stories and relive the Before Kids Days.  My favorites were the college stories, the post-college stories, and the ones from my dad's annual camping trips (the one that had to come to an end when he left my mom home alone with a one-month old very colicky baby who now enjoys telling these stories herself).  Of course, most of them involved alcohol... and extreme amounts of it.  Going to a dry school I thought/ was kind of sad I'd be missing these stories from my life.  Well, I'm not.  Mine just involve less (read "no") alcohol.

One thing I've never really understood is why my mom had the audacity to give Mark--a man she's not married to--a wet willy just for sassing her.  When I witnessed this first hand, boys still had coodies, and there was no way I would be getting anywhere near them much less close enough to stick my tongue in their ears.  Well, I now have friends who are male, and I discovered this weekend that it's only a matter of time before Nikki, Elizabeth, and Andy get hard core wet willies (no finger).

I was giving my goodnight hugs on Saturday night when Elizabeth and Andy were on the Platonic Loveseat being, well, not very platonic.  Instead of asking for goodnight hugs, I plunked myself down on the couch between them.  Half of me was on top of Andy and the other half on top of Elizabeth.  In about, oh, 1.5 seconds flat they flipped me on my back in the fetal position.  Amy and Jennifer watched this whole deal and said all they could see of me were my knees.  Not good!

"Watch my glasses!"
"Take them off!"
"No!  Then I'm consenting to this rough housing.  I don't consent!  I don't consent!"
"Ooooh!  Is she ticklish?!"
I am, but they didn't know that, and I sure as heck wasn't telling them.

Elizabeth and Andy decided the only thing to do to me in this situation was to lick me.  Are we not past this game yet!?  Elizabeth had the bottom half of my body in her lap, so she chose to lick the back of my right hand, not a big deal, I can wash that once I get free.  Andy had my upper half and opted for the top of my head.  I wasn't planning on showering before bed, thanks.

"I really want to lick her forehead," Elizabeth confessed.  It's kind of a long-term goal, and they had me in the proper position.  It was one of those "now or never" situations, and my goal was to make it a "never."

"Wouldn't that be awful?!  She could just watch your tongue coming the whole time!"

Yes, that would be awful.  I slapped my forearm to my forehead and held it tightly.  All of the sudden there was a firm grasp on my wrist as Andy gently but forcefully pulled my hand away from my face.  He's a "medical person;" he's done that before.  Not fair!  Elizabeth moved in for the kill but I beat her to the punch as my knees rapidly collided with my face.  Word of advice: don't do that on a regular basis.  A few more minutes of struggle and Elizabeth finally settled... her wet finger into my ear.  Much further into my ear than a finger should go, I might add.  I pushed her away with my feet and shoved Andy off of the couch.  No winding up before bed... de-rile, de-rile.

I don't know if our three-on-a-couch experience will stand the test of time and be placed among the great "college stories" in my repertoire, but I do know that at the next opportunity they both will be receiving true business wet willies, tongue meet ear style.

<>< Katie

Words are my Friends

We interrupt this program to bring you some important information...
First off, I got sick of the dots.  What do you think of the new page?  I'm still not completely happy with it.
Secondly, I can't find spell check on this new blogger.  Five points if you can tell me where it is.
Thirdly, I had already written this blog when I heard this quote.  It needs to be shared.

"It doesn't matter what you've heard, impossible is not a word. It's just a reason for someone not to try." - Kutless in their song "What Faith Can Do"

And now back to your feature presentation...

I don't think I'm alone in this, but to me words have connections. Typically it's the first time I heard/understood them but it's also when a word is very well used that it forms an association in my brain.  Some of them were teacher-enforced (Prussia: big army), but most of them aren't.

Here are some examples:

• "Gregarious" will forever be associated with my dad's friend Greg who kept talking, preventing Dad from helping me study for my 9th grade vocabulary test.
• "Gumption" will always remind me of a homeless man requesting a fish sandwich.
• "Vulnerable" always takes me back to 8th grade history when we were forced to memorize "Vulnerable: exposed or unprotected."
• "Verbose" is my former headmaster.
• "Vex" is what my flying monkey does to Bob.

Do you have words that are only associated with God?  Besides the typical church-y words like "holy" and "divine" I can't think of any off of the top of my head.  I'm sure there are some, so I'll keep thinking.

Some words have connections, and some people have favorite words.  We all know Melissa loves "plethora" and "fruition," but what about everyone else?  Personally, I'm always looking for a great excuse to use the word "brouhaha."  Mark (the mortician) loves the word "ointment."  Most of my school friends like to hear me say words like "Chicago" and "pansy" because they emphasize my accent.  Five points to anyone (who isn't Natalie) that can correctly use the word "perspicacity" without looking it up.  Do you have a favorite word?

The psalmist did.  In Psalm 75 he(?) admits God's name is his favorite word.

"We thank You, God, we thank You.  Your name is our favorite word, Your mighty works are all we talk about." (Ps. 75:1 MSG)

Does this verse ring true in your life?  Is God's Name your favorite word?  Is it even a part of your active vocabulary?  What is your favorite name for Him?

In my Bible (yes, the Message today, sorry) it doesn't say which name for God is used here.  My guess would be "Elohim."  Personally, that's not my favorite name for God.  I'm a bit partial to "Abba" or the Aramaic for "Daddy." 

Just like in different situations we need different words because of their associations and connotations, at different points in our life we need names for God.  What name do you need today?

<>< Katie

Movie Review: Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

It's not a big secret: I collect quotes. Silly quotes, serious quote, life-changing quotes, awkward quotes, words of wisdom, and down right ridiculous... They're written everywhere: in the middle of notes of class, on post-it notes littering my room, in the margins of books, in my email, on my hand, on my blog... They really should all be in my Writer's Notebook, but they aren't. Instead I have them all saved in a powerpoint attached with photos for your (my?) viewing pleasure. Well, "had" might be a better choice of words; the powerpoint disappeared with my thumb drive. I've come up with many of them like "the plotline of Acts looks like an EKG" (you would, Natalie) and "I wish my name ended in an 'A'" (Melissa). Unfortunately, some other quotes have been lost forever. To combat this tragic loss, I am slowly rebuilding my quotes collection. Here is the latest addition: 

"I've been introduced many times in my life and that was the most... recent." - Mark

Actually, that one is about six hours outdated now. My real newest quote is:

"All stories, even our favorites, must come to an end. This allows for new stories to begin."

It's one of the opening lines to Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.  I'm not a big movie-watcher because finding an entertaining, enjoyable, clean, not super-sappy movie is an almost impossible task.  I own literally ten movies (I just counted; eighteen if you include VeggieTales).  However, I found a good one that will be added to my personal collection next time I'm brave enough to peruse the vicious $5 bin at Wal-mart.

The other day Andy, Elizabeth, and I (all of us at least 20) popped in Mr. Magorium and were completely enthralled.  Sure, the movie is aimed at kids but it's great for parents, too.  It's shallow enough for a child to play but deep enough for an elephant to drown (a professor once said that about the Gospel of John).

Basic plot summary: legendary owner of a magical toy store dies and his heir has to decide if she wants to continue the tradition or close up shop.

Except it's a whole lot deeper than that.  This movie includes themes like peacefully accepting death, making the most life, and beliving in oneself.  Honestly, a movie that begins with a great quote about stories can hardly be bad.  "All stories, even our favorites, must come to an end. This allows for new stories to begin." Wow. 

I don't give a lot of movie recommendations, but I highly recommend you go watch this movie.

<>< Katie

Dental Floss

I have a confession to make: I don't floss my teeth very often. Er, that's great, Katie, why do we care? Well, see, last night I had this urge to floss, but I couldn't find any. I looked in all of the cabinets in the bathroom and still no dental floss. I knew my floss was downstairs in the dining room (don't ask), but surely one of the two other people with whom I share the bathroom would have some. Negative. All of my searching ended in vain. Instead of going downstairs to get my floss, I gave up and went to bed.

Sometimes we all get like that with our Bibles, yes? You know it's good to read it. Your intentions are good, but you can't find it. Or, you know where it is but are too lazy to go get it. What if you start reading, in Genesis (because after all the beginning is a very good place to start). Exodus isn't too bad, but then by the time you get to Leviticus you're losing focus. Numbers? Forget it! That's like playing math. Anything that translates, "These are the names" can NOT be entertaining... Deutero--what? Maybe starting at a different beginning is better: try Matthew. Mark's short. Luke's detailed. John's loved. Before you know it you're four books in and you're still reading about the life of Christ! :-)

Just like brushing your teeth is good, reading devotionals is good. But flossing is harder yet better, just like reading the Bible.

Oh, and I recommend reading the Bible more than I floss. It's healthier that way.

These blogs are getting weirder and weirder, sorry! (Our God is creative; I'm just tellin' ya what He told me...)

In Christ,
<>< Katie

"Who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time." 2 Timothy 1:9