Just another day in the life...
Christina (from the back seat of the van): Mom, can I text you a photo of my toe? It hurts.
Mom (passenger seat): No, I can probably see it just as well from here.
"That's not a llama that's a little girl. Oh, they put sunglasses on the llama's butt. That's obscene. Oh, it was a dog's butt not a llama's butt. Oh, look it's a little kid riding a bike again. I saw this kid already. No, it's a different kid. Why do none of these kids wear helmets?! Oh, wait, it is the same kid crashing into the mailbox. I don't know if it's the same kid or not. THESE KIDS NEED HELMETS! Woman tossing monkey. Monkey tossing woman. Now there's a gorilla on top of a post." - Mom's play-by-play of America's Funniest Home Videos
Christina: There's a cat outside somewhere.
Katie: Oh! I see it! It's a bunny.
Christina had just finished telling some "really funny" story and no one laughed.
Christina: OK, well, I guess it was just really funny in my head.
Mom: Well, I hope so because it wasn't really funny in any of our heads.
Laura's in the family room video chatting with her friend Jake who's currently in Louisiana. I was sitting there as well, and Jake asks for Christina to come downstairs and video chat, too, so we'd all be there. Laura texts Tina and she responds that she's sleeping. "Clearly she's not since she's texting," Jake said, picking up his phone. He then calls Christina. The two of us in the family room could hear Christina's voice from upstairs... through the computer... through Jake's phone... in Louisiana.
Dad: Why is there one egg on the counter?
Mom: I'm making cookies later.
Dad: Oh, of course, why didn't I think of that?
Katie: Gar! I don't want to read this manuscript. I want to write my own manuscript.
Mom: It is a writing internship.
Katie: I'm switching my POV from third--my favorite POV--to first because I think it will work better, but I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do that.
Mom: That's why Cindy keeps all of her choir music.
In the middle of a hamburger dinner I almost shot milk out my nose. Everyone looked at me, but I couldn't defend myself since I was at risk of choking... Instead I picked up the mustard and turned it around so they could all see the expiration date: June 4, 2007. I swallowed and we all laughed that the mustard expired before I graduated. (Throughout high school I'd keep track of what expired after I graduated, and I said the scary day would be when the milk expired after I graduated). We threw away that mustard and Mom went to the fridge to get another one. "Oh, good," she said, "now we only have four open mustards!"
Mom: You're writing this down? For your blog?
Mom: Great... I'm never going to be able to get a job again.
Katie: No, I blog you as "Para Salin" or "Sarah Palin."
Mom: Oh, ok, instead you're screwing the future of this country instead of just my future.
Katie: You're the weird one.
Laura: Katie, you talk too much!
Katie: Laura, you listen too little!