Wacky Wednesday

From Katie: The following is a collection of quotes and crazy conversations brought to my attention during the month of January. <>< Katie

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Taft: Wikipedia is blocked by HPPA.

Brett: I miss having hair. I used to have headaches when I had hair. Actually, I didn't. I never got headaches when I had hair but now I don't have hair and get headaches all of the time.

[Via text message]
Katie: We should catch up one of these days.
Kevin: We should catch up. Who is this?

Michael: This tastes like cocoa butter.
Stephen: Cocoa butter? That's for stretch marks!

Aunt Jett: Don't squeeze the cat. She might explode or something.

"Christianity can grow and flourish under some of the most difficult opposition, but it will prosper very little when people refuse to be changed by it." - Beth Moore, To Live is Christ, 130

Lauren: I'm so not ready for a big girl job. I still get excited about foamy soap.

Mom: The wind must be coming from the west. The train sounds like a dead cow.
Christina: A dead cow, Mom? You realize that dead cows don't make any noises, right?
Mom: How many dead cows have you hung out with? They could make farting noises.

Brit: Decaf? Are you trying to stay awake? [Beat] Wait. I mean go to sleep?

Uncle Jack: [Hands in the air] I didn't do that! [Beat] Did I?
Mom: No, you didn't put the meese peep on the marinated rug.

Rebekah: You're such a good kitty when you're not being a bad kitty.

"If we're waiting for the needy to walk through our church doors, we may wait a long time. God doesn't wait for people to come to Him. He goes to them and desires to intervene right at the point of their need. He's looking for a few brave people, like the Apostle Paul, who are willing to go rather than wait for them to come. He's not looking for show-offs. He's looking for people through whom He can show off His Son. May we be some of those people." - Beth Moore, To Live is Christ, 151

Danielle: You can't say "Indian style." It's offensive.
David: It's criss-cross apple sauce.
Casey: I'm allergic to applesauce. That offends me.

Aunt Jett [About her husband]: One of the best things about him is his ability to drive backwards.

Katie: Hank [the cat] let me pet him for a long time today! Like two pets.

Stephen: Why does everyone rub my head?
Rebekah: It's your spiritual gift.
Brett: Your head is my heroine.

Christina: Mom, does Dad's arm look swollen?
Mom: Yes, of course. He's been karate chopping live trees.

"God wants to be found.  He does not will for any to miss Him, and His is so gracious to show up right where we are looking--so He can take us beyond anything we've ever seen." - Beth Moore, To Live isa Christ, 151

Allyson: The overnight forecast is snow. Either that or stars.

Stephen: I read your blog faithfully except for recently. What's Wacky Wednesday?
Katie: If you read my blog, how can you not know about Wacky Wednesday?
David: Wacky Wednesday is arguably the best day of the month!

Evan: Twitter makes me like people I don't know. Facebook does the opposite.

Dad: What's the plural of moose?
Aunt: Elk!

Taft [praying]: Lord, don't smit us.

Rebekah: Then why doesn't he just say that?
Katie: 'Cuz he's a boy. They only think half-thoughts.

Bob: That shirt looks very nice on you.
Emily: You can't say that to her!
Bob: Why not? Gosh, I've been trying to work complements into my conversation and now you just ruined it! Katie, you're dirt ugly. Now you can just be mad at me; you can't have me arrested.

Brett: Hank. Don't eat electicity.

"It's very rare when you're following Jesus that you know exactly what you're doing and where you are going." - Jonathan Martin

Uncle Jack: Assuming this is a right angle...
Laura: Then you have three right angles. You can't have three right angles in a pentagon!

David: What if there was a food that makes you break bones? Like "I can't eat burgers 'cuz they make me break bones."

[Neal was cleaning up water on the floor]
Amber: Ethan got so excited about his cookie that he spilled his water.
Katie: Sorry, Neal, I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time.
Neal: At least it's clear.
Katie: I drank lots of water today.
Neal: Isn't that just inappropriate, Ethan, for a woman to be talking like that?
[Ethan was grinning like he wasn't sure what to do]

Rebekah: You smell like leather-flavored crayon.

Wife: How can you explain all of these awful things happening?
Husband: Easy. This is earth.

Katie: Since Christmas I've gotten a new camera, a new job, a new phone, a new-to-me computer, and a new house. Now I just need a new car.
Mom: Your brain is going to be mush. Next thing you know you're going to try to call with your camera, take pictures with your car, and scrapbook with your phone.
Katie: There's an app for that.

Brandon: I've told this story a lot of times but a lot of you haven't heard it because you haven't heard me tell it.

Dad: Oooowee!
Katie: You ok?
Dad: Yeah. That hurt! Somebody parked the vaccuum cleander in my coat.

Michael: When in doubt, pull out your actual Bible. If your cell phone doesn't know about Jesus, your actual Bible will. You never can tell about cell phones. I don't know if they're believers.

Beth: Sometimes I just breathe.

David: We all want to see your relationship succeed or fail, whichever is better.
Stephen: I hope you have many Lord of the Rings babies, and they don't look like gollum.

Katie: Brett! You heathen non-recycling Canadian!

Artemis: Daddy? When we go to Disney, Mommy said we could go for two whole days!
Daddy: Yup.
Artemis: When we are 10 or 11 years old.
Daddy: Yup.
Artemis: Where are we going to sleep? I mean, we could bring our sleeping bags and camp out in the back of your car.
Daddy: Or we could stay in a hotel.
Artemis: They have those there?!

Rebekah: Yeah, blinds take awhile to master.
Katie: Yeah, I don't have my master's in blinds yet.
Rebekah: I'm working on mine.

"If you write for God, you will reach many men and bring them joy. If you write for men, you may make some money and may give someone a little joy and you may make some noise in the world, for a little while. If you write for yourself, you can read what you yourself have written and after ten minutes you will be so disguisted that you wish that you were dead." - Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation

Wacky Wednesday

Author's Note: The following are quotations taken from real conversations heard, read, or encountered during the month of November. Enjoy!
<>< Katie

Scott: My wife told me we're going baby shopping this afternoon.
Bob: Didn't you already buy one of those?
Scott: Two. We bought two.
Bob: Make sure you save the receipt.
Dawn: Were they on sale?
Katie: Two for the price of one?
Bob: He's an extreme couponer!

Christina: Lady Gaga is a singer.
Dad: Lady Gaga is a nightmare.

Linnea: If my baby is born with a beard, we're switching it in the hospital!

Random Man to Son: You were crying in your apple juice.  Do you know why you were crying in your apple juice?  Because you don't like apple juice.
David: Book! [meaning Writer's Notebook where I keep Wacky Wednesday quotes]
Jocelyn: I like your boob! [She meant book]
David: Book!

Christina: What does the guy from "Sister Wives" put on facebook [for his relationship status]?

Katie: Shaun Groves just Tweeted, "Googling the lyrics to my own dadgum song."
Christina: Who's Lulu?
Katie: What?
Christina: Lulu liked his song? Who's Lulu?

Brent [To some giggly high school girls at a Peder Eide concert]: Go bug Peder. Seriously. It'll take some pressure off of Katie.

[Reading the monthly cell phone bill over dinner]
Dad: Someone spent three dollars downloading a video.
Mom: Wait a second, let me see that, that three dollars was the [Dad's number] guy.
Dad: Oops.
Katie: So what I'm hearing is that Laura's a minutes hog, Mom only texts Christina, Dad buys three dollar videos, and Katie wins with the least usage of everything.
Mom: Yeah, whatever.
Katie: Whatever? I haven't gotten a text message in three days.
Mom: That's because your inbox is full. You need a new phone.

"No matter what this world does, you're valuable. The Lord gives you help for the hurt and hope for the future." - Bob Lenz

[Taking a photo]
Katie: One, two, four.
Peder: Miss Katie, we need to work on your counting.
Katie: I was an English major.

[After I'd been on the phone for twenty minutes]
Grandma: I'm glad she took sign language in college!

[Putting my number in his phone]
Mark: L-A-U-R-A
Katie: Um... I spell my name with a K.

Mom: Here, wear this step stool!
Sparkle the cat: I just did. Why do I have to wear it again?

Laura: Katie! You'll be so proud of me! I played The Alphabet Game yesterday and WON! TWICE!
Katie: Was the other person driving?
Laura: There was no other person.

"Thank You that even in the wilderness You are Emmanuel--God with us." -Tracy

[On facebook]
Andy [to Elizabeth]: I love you!
Katie: I love you, too!
Andy: I think you misspelled two, Katie.
Katie: No, I only love you; not Elizabeth.
Andy: lol I completely saw that going the opposite direction! I love you too, Katie. And so does Elizabeth!
Katie: Success! I love you two and miss you, too!

Bob: Don't complain about being dress size one when I'm a sixteen!

Christina: How was Oscar's [the cat] surprise attack?
Mom: Well, the doctor cut off my wart today.

[Catch Phrase]
Linnea: The continent that--
Katie: Alaska!

Katie: With as little as I listen to the radio, when I know all the words to a song, it's overplayed.
[Laura burst out laughing]
Katie: Um... I didn't think what I said was that funny.
Laura: It wasn't! That... that bar we just... passed... had a... had a toilet... on the front porch!

Mark: I can walk and chew gum at the same time!

[via text]
Katie: I am at the coffee shop actually being productive on a Saturday for once!
Amber: Good for you
Katie: It's because you're not here.
Amber: Haha
Katie: But I am lonely.
Amber: That's why you're actually getting work done.

Jocelyn: They danced funnily.

Katie: Look at how these pants sit on me. If I didn't have my hips right here, they'd just fall right off. If something happened to my hips, I'd never be able to wear pants again... without suspenders.

Greg: We're going to catch a deer then put it in the back of the van and take it to the vet to kill it humanely.

[Mark was walking out of church with three empty cups]
Katie: Were you a little thirsty?
Mark: Yeah. Dehydrated.
Katie: You're going to have to go to the little boys' room.
Mark: No, I already--
Katie: You already went? In church?!
Mark: No. I'm wearing a diaper. [Beat] And you sat next to me. Does that make you uncomfortable?

Mom: Lies!
Laura: I wouldn't lie to you! You're my momma!
Katie: All the more reason to lie to her!

[At small group]
Dustin: No talking about Jesus! It's not allowed.
Katie: I'm not going to be able to come anymore.
Dustin: Wait, what? Why can't you come anymore?!
Katie: Because we can't talk about Jesus.
Dustin: Oh, ok.

Mom: Come here. And don't get excited because I'm asking you to follow me upstairs.
[Dad's face fell]
Mom: The balance ball is NOT a horizontal surface!

Charlie: I have this friend. I don't know if he's alive. I've been checking the obituaries but I haven't found him, so I'm going to call him. I figure if he picks up, that's a good sign.

Lauren: It's the same storyline just with different characters.
David: Twilight?
Drew: No, those are the same characters.

Katie: This shirt kind of makes me look fat.
Mom: Good! Wear it every day!

Hygienist: Do you floss?
Katie: Yes. Not like I should but yes. Especially after I eat popcorn.
Hygienist: Ok, every day at 3:00 you have to eat popcorn.
Katie: That I can do!

"Praise, not perfection. He wants my praise not my perfection." - Ann Voskamp

Wacky Wednesday

Author's Note: The following come from real conversations. They are the crazy, funny, or profound things heard in everyday, sober conversation or discovered in a book. If you ever hear a great/weird conversation, please feel free to send it to me. Who knows, it may be featured in a Wacky Wednesday! <>< Katie

Katie: I'm going to write that down for Wacky Wednesday.
Jennifer: No! You have to wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow is Wednesday.
Katie: No, no, no Wacky Wednesday is only the first Wednesday of the month.
Jennifer: Well, tomorrow is the first Wednesday of the month you've been with me!

Allyson: I don't know why "bewares" camed out.

Dad: Do you need any help with anything before I go to bed?
Uncle Bill: You could brush my teeth for me or take out my contacts. I'll just lay there.
Dad: I'm going to hurt you in the morning.

Katie: What's the weather like outside?
Elizabeth: It's like medium.

Mom: Ooooh! Do these stoplights tweet like the ones in Baptist Country? Oh, no, those are real birds.

Katie: You've got candy all over your face.
Amy: Your face is candy!

Alex: You have to assert your manhood.
Jennifer: I don't have any manhood to search.

Dad: Do you growl at them sometimes?
Laura: [Sheepishly] Yeah. [Proudly] I even bark at them sometimes!

Laura: The capital of Honduras is To-gucci-golf-ball.

"I don't think I'm a failure because I have had fears, and I certainly don't think that it is a requirement for Christians to forgo fear in order to be good followers of Christ. I believe fear is the natural response to the question satan whispered, and I find that every day I have to adjust my footing consciously to move toward Jesus." - Angie Smith, What Women Fear, 4

Sara: You [Katie] only have good ideas today. And on Wacky Wednesday.

Alex: Katie, what would you say are Jennifer's top three qualities?
Jennifer: You can't just limit it to three; I have so many. Humility is one of them.

[SC, 16, counting on her fingers]
Katie: Do you need me to take off my shoes?
SC: Huh?
[explained]
SC: But why did she make it sound like an insult?

Girl, 13: There are no cows here, so--!

Amy: What is that?
Katie: It's a flower on the top of the mountain. It was my attempt at being artsy. Apparently I'm not as good as Allyson.
Amy: No, I like it. I was just... confused.

Boy, 11: You can stay here and you won't even have to fold laundry!

Jennifer: I like your ring. Who made it for you? [She had]
Katie: I don't know. Some stranger.
Jennifer: Stranger than who?
Katie: Allyson.
Allyson: What?

Allyson: Wait! Was this morning Wednesday?

"The world is not going to teach us how to love God; only God can do that." - Angie Smith, What Women Fear, 43

David: The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker.
Rebekah: That's what little girls are made of!

Jennifer: My right foot writes well.

Carson: I don't really understand why girls like making their heads look like horse butts.
Girls: What?!
Carson: Ponytails. Where is a pony's tail? The butt.

Mother: We could cage him [the dog].
Son: We could cage Brother.

Rebekah: Like you licking Nikki?
Katie: NO!!
Rebekah: Sorry, Nikki licking you?

Mark: You [Katie] take the left over brownies. They'll look better on you than they will one me.

Katie: Ok, I'm going to leave it blank.
Alex: Go to the bank.
Jennifer: Why are you going to the bank?! It's 11pm. They're closed.

Katie: I have helicopter parents: they hover but they don't choke.

Allyson: I don't think we were acting too strange.
Katie: We were pretty normal for us but strange for most people.
Allyson [light bulb]: That was it!

Nikki: MW did it, and if he can do it then so can I, maybe even teach at a better university.
Katie: Woah, woah, woah! First, did you just compare yourself to All Star English Major MW? Second, did you just dis our alma mater?

"Faith for my deliverance is not faith in God. Faith means, whether I am visibly delivered or not, I will stick to my belief that God is love. There are some things only learned from a fiery furnace." - Oswald Chambers in Run Today's Race

Allyson: Are you going to get your haircut?
Jennifer: I don't know where.
Allyson: Tah-tay-tow?

Neal: Are you blogging?
Katie: Are you making fun of me?
Neal: I don't make fun of people.
Katie: Neither do I.
Neal: You're not sarcastic either.

Sarah: He's not Slut Bucket; he's Garret the Ferret.
Rebekah: He's not a rodent!
Sarah: He's more of a rodent than a slut.
Garret: Hey, now!

Allyson: Katie's just so cool. She has good body language, too, and her thinking is so... inter... intermaculate. It's real cool. And, Katie, I like her walk.

"We don't just want to get them out of the dumpsite; we want to get the dumpsite out of their hearts." - Tania Meza

Wacky Wednesday

Ken Davis: People don't jump out of the boat at the first speed bump. Boats don't have speed bumps. Let me think that through.

[While trimming trees]
Mom: No, no, no. Leave that one.
Dad: Ok. We'll get it next year.

Mom: Those are cute pants.
Katie: Thanks. I found them in the bottom of my closet and by that I mean on the top shelf. I don't know where they came from.
Mom: You probably wore them in middle school.

Christina: KATIE! Toga expert! I need to borrow your skills [because] it's Salad Dressing Day tomorrow for Homecoming.

Dustin: Jews knew the Old Testament scriptures the way we know songs, so finding OT references in the New Testament not only reminded them of that particular passage but also the context of surrounding passages.

Katie: Jews waited for the Messiah with great anticipation and excitement. It was like waiting for Christmas that wasn't coming... literally!

[playing Harry Potter Wii]
Katie: Look! I'm riding the broom!
Boy, age 10: It looks more like you're riding a bull.

Grandpa: Stinkin' winter lasts all winter!

"Creativity is being comfortable with not knowing what comes next." - Ann Voskamp

Christina: Taylor's sleeping over, too!
Katie: She's sleeping over TOO? That means someone is sleeping over one! AH!

Christina: Michael's bringing Bridesmaids [to my campfire party] just in case the weather is bad.

Katie [Sarcastic]: Sometimes I drive around with two tennis hoppers in my trunk. [Serious] Actually, right now I am driving around with two Haitian drums in my trunk.
Mom: As long as it's not two Haitian drunks in your trunk.

Ezelis: I'm not okay with living in a way this world calls "normal." I am called to be different so people can see how God is real.

Katie: You think I made it up?
Grandma: You coulda; you're a writer. Nah, you wouldn't a thought of that!

Mom: Look! Four-hundred and ninety miles until empty! We can get halfway to--
Katie: Church.

Matthew: She's a transplant.
Katie: Yeah, I moved to Baptist Country but they spit me out.
Dawn: Why'd we take her back?

Katie: Do you pray before you go to bed?
Pastor's Daughter, 8: Sometimes.
Katie: Sometimes?
Daughter: Yeah. Sometimes we forget.

[Playing Harry Potter Wii]
Boy, 10: Just walk around while I'm doing this level. Don't go down. And don't kill yourself by going off the edge... again.
Katie: I didn't mean to! Either time!

"When He says something to you, it will be your own language, significant in a personal and specific way. It will be exactly what you need to hear. All you have to do is listen." - Susan Hill

Katie: You're busier than I am, so give me a call when you're free; I'm probably free too. And if I'm not, I will be free in the next half hour.

Mom: What are you going to do today?
Katie: Sit around and wish I was in Baptist Country.
Mom: That's what you did yesterday!

Automatic voice message: --will expire shortly. Consider this your last notification. To be removed from future notifications, press three.

Mom: No sleeping in the cabin sheets.
Katie: Ok and no eating in the dining room either.
Mom: No four-legged fish sleeping in the cabin sheets.

Mom: These subs are huge! No one can eat all that! Ok, Katie can, but no one else!

Charmaine: With God you gotta always keep a suitcase packed because you never know where He's going to take you!

"It's the art of seeing that makes gratitude possible, and it's the art of gratitude that makes joy possible, and isn't joy the art of God?" - Ann Voskamp

Sorry it's late. It was typed on an iPad magnetic keyboard from a house with no furniture smack dab in the middle of nowhere. I'll fix any grave errors when I have access to a computer again. I hope all is well! <>< K

Habit

I have this bizarre habit that resulted in incessant mocking from my suitemates.  Actually, I have many bizarre habits and sometimes even breathing results in mockery.

However, this one happened every time I entered the apartment.  It didn't matter if I came from class, the caf, or the coffee shop.

The first thing I would do was put my keys on the hook.  We each had hooks by the door with our names on them, hypothetically, so we'd never lose our keys.

Then I'd go in my room, put down my heavy backpack, take off my shoes (and coat), and hit the power button on my computer.

It's what happened next that got me mocked relentlessly.

If someone had started a conversation with me in those first twenty seconds home, I put it on pause until this next step was complete.

I would go into the bathroom and wash my hands.

I knew I did it regularly, but I didn't realize I did it every time I came home until they pointed it out.

The habit is rooted deeply back to elementary school.  My sisters and I would get off the bus and almost immediately were ushered into the bathroom to wash off our school germs.

I have no doubt that this healthy though bizarre habit was why chicken pox started going around my kindergarten class in October but I didn't get it until May.  I'm sure it helped my six year no-puking record, too.

Just from being taught to wash off my school germs as soon as I got home.  And it has become a subconscious habit.

I've got some of the habits Mom and Dad taught us growing up, but I've also got to build my own habits.

I need to be intentional about spending time in God's word.  I need to be conscious of my prayer life.  I really wish I could say they were habits, but they aren't.  They're hard.

The alarm clock says, "Get up! Go! Go! Go!"  The lunch break is short; the boss demanding.  The course load difficult; the homework plenty.  The after school activities are many; the free time is rare.  The days is long, the body exhausted.

I've confessed to you all before that some days I grudgingly read my Bible.  Yet still God works through it.

Soap doesn't only wash off my school germs when I tell it to.  It kills 99.9% of them every time I wash (or so the commercial says).

God doesn't just speak to my heart when I want Him to, when I'm willing to hear what He has to say, or when I have the right attitude.  Of course, those things are beneficial, but they're not necessary.  Sometimes God still speaks when I'm crabby, tired, distracted, or just don't want to be there.

And that makes it worth building the habit.

<>< Katie

Wacky Wednesday

Author's Note: Welcome to Wacky Wednesday! This post is a complication of ridiculous and profound statements made in everyday conversation or literature. We all say stupid stuff. Some of us more than others. Laugh, smile, be challenged. <>< Katie

"As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible." - Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, 33

Mom: If your right turn signal is on, your vehicle should not be veering to the left. Thought I'd bring that to your attention.

"In China, Christians are persecuted with beatings and imprisonment. In the West, Christians are persecuted by the words of other Christians." - Brother Yun, The Heavenly Man, 309

Amber: When are you due?
Bridget: Four months ago.
Amber: No, when is your baby coming?

Laura: It's a good thing I can't form sentences in my brain because otherwise I'd be a really mean person.

"God really is in the business of blessing His people in unusual ways so His goodness and His greatness will be declared among all peoples." - David Platt, Radical, 67

Kevin [20s]: I'm an old man.  I have some gray hair.
Elizabeth: It's time to get a box.
[Awkward pause]
Elizabeth: Of hair dye.
Kevin: Don't lie, you meant a pine box!

"God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself because it is no there. There is no such thing." - C.S. Lewis

Mom: You put the pregnant fish in the maternity ward and when the babies are born they're sucked up and shot into the fishy nursery.
Katie: As if being born isn't traumatic enough!

Jori [To me]: Oh, ye, writer person!

[1am]
Laura: Wait, you're not even in the bed anymore, you doofus!

"We learned a lesson that morning. When we arrive at the end of our own strength it is not defeat but the start of tapping into God's boundless resources. It is when we are weak that we are strong in God." - Brother Yun, The Heavenly Man, 194

Mom: Fat!
Katie [fake surprise, panic, excitement]: Where?!

Elizabeth: You know, Katie, I was the first person on University's campus to ever lick you. I take full credit for that.

"Joy is God and God is joy and joy doesn't negate all other emotions--joy transcends all other emotions." - Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, 176

Mary Beth: You know how there's always that one annoying cousin?
Katie: I only have three cousins.  My dad is that annoying cousin.

Laura: I love old people! This one time this old person did something and it made me laugh
Katie: Great story.

"The Lord has to break us down at the strongest part of our self-life before He can have His own way of blessing with us." - James H. McConkey, Life Talks, 103 (qtd. Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, 138)

Waitress: What size to go box?
Melia: The little one works.
Waitress: That's what she said.

"But the secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is." - Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, 138

Professor: For Jesus?
Student: Yeah! We go everywhere for Jesus!
Professor: Alright!

"I hunger and thirst for filling in a world that is starved." - Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, 17

Laura: Sometimes I know I'm saying stupid stuff, but I just keep saying it. It's funnier that way.

Juanita: Vernon! Don't lick my curtains!
Vernon: I wasn't licking them; I was biting them.

"Ultimately, I don't want to miss eternal treasure because I settle for earthly trinkets." - David Platt, Radical, 138

Katie: I don't really use the term "Best friend" because basically if you went to University with me, you're my best friend.

"Having God on our side doesn't mean sailing a boat with no storms; it means sailing a boat no storm can sink." - Unknown

Katie: No, you don't touch the scissors again until I give you further instructions.
Jori: My TA is getting cheeky.
Katie: I'm the brain!

Mom: My fish are eating the cats!

"Anger is the lid that suffocates joy until she lies limp and lifeless." - Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, 177

Jori: If "biceps" were with an "s" it'd be "bis-eps.
Mike: Maybe that's what I have.

GPS: Recalculating.
Mom: Oh for heaven sakes!  We're just going to McDonald's to pee; you don't have to recalculate!

"But what if we don't need to sit back and wait for a call to foreign missions? What if the very reason we have breath is because we have been saved for a global mission? And what if anything less than passionate involvement in global missions is actually selling God short by frustrating the very purpose for which He created us?" - David Platt, Radical, 75

Michael Tait: Everyone who loves the Lord, shake your bonbons!

Katie: You ok, Dad?
Dad: No. Mom sent half of the water from that faucet up my nose!

"He always enjoyed seeing the happiness that the travelers experienced when, after weeks of yellow sand and blue sky, they first saw the green of the date palms. Maybe God created the desert so that man could appreciate the date trees, he thought." - The Alchemist, 87

Christina: Katie, will you babysit for this kid to show him how nice I really am?

Mom: Good night, Mary Ellen.
Katie: Good night, Jim Bob.
Laura: Good night, Laura.
Mom: Why are you saying goodnight to yourself?  That doesn't work!
Laura: Oh, good night, Suzy.
Mom: No, no, no.
Laura: What? I thought we were just saying good night to people who aren't here.

"Whether it is your family, the government, the religious establishment, or someone else, you will be hated." - David Platt, Radical, 167

Girl [age 14]: This is the first water balloon I've ever tied myself.  I'm going to save it and put it in my scrapbook!

Jori: We could do that.
Katie: Ok, let's do it. Right here on your bed.
["It" was really make peanut brittle]

Katie: I don't want a Tetanus shot.
Christina: Wait!  Are we talking doctor shot or alcohol shot?
Mom: I'm pretty sure there's no alcohol named "Tetanus."

Nurse: You've had so many shots they're blinding me!

"You're not doing the youth ministry until your youth are doing the ministry." - LCMS, Missouri District

Katie: It's a dove, not a kite. You can't tied a string to your dove.

Jori: Ok, I will not leave you.
Katie and Jori: Or forsake you!

"I learned we should never beat the sheep, but [we] must feed them if we want them to follow." - Brother Yun, The Heavenly Man, 174

Katie: He's on his way home.  By "he" I mean Dad.
Mom: I figured Dad was the "he" since he's the only "he" who calls you.

[in China]
Jeremy: Pancakes are just like noodles except not noodles!

"Stress isn't only a joy stealer. The way we respond to it can be sin." - Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, 146

Katie: I have a Peder CD we could listen to.
Laura: I'm petered out.

Katie: You aren't allowed in there.
Christina: Meh, rules are for sissies.
Katie: Yes, they are, and since you're my sissy you should get out.

"Prayer without ceasing is only possible in a life of continual thanks." - Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, 60

Dad: I'm going to put on a different shirt.
[He wasn't wearing a shirt]

Emily: Sorry, I guess I just get distracted when my clothes come off.

"Again, we don't think like this: 'If we would all just become like Jesus, the wold would really love us,' he say. The reality is that if we really become like Jesus, the world will hate us. Why? Because the world hated Him." - David Platt, Radical, 167

Katie [Fingerspelled]: Adrenaline.
Amber [Voiced]: I saw koalas.
Katie [Signed]: No, adrenaline. You know, the drug.
Amber [Voiced]: The letter C? I got nothin'!

"I've got to get this thing; what it means to trust, to gut-believe in the good touch of God toward me because it's true: I can't fill with joy until I learn how to trust: 'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow' (Romans 15:13 NIV). The full life, the own spilling joy and peace, happens only as I come to trust the caress of the Lover, Lover who never burdens His children with shame or self-condemnation but keeps stroking the fears with gentle grace." - Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, 146

Katie: Forty-nine bottles of beer on the wall?
Mom: No, forty-nine bottles of wine in the hall.

[Chinese people in China]
Sara: In America, this is a very good price.
Jim: In China, I get it for less.
Sara: Then maybe you should go back to China and buy it there.

"He [Jesus] was calling them [the disciples] to abandon their careers. They were reorienting their entire life's work around discipleship of Jesus. Their plans and dreams were now swallowed up in His." - David Platt, Radical, 7

Jori: It flew from my peach!

Katie: I'd rather shoot myself in the face.
Dad: You'd rather ship yourself to Spain?

"Everything in all creation responds in obedience to the Creator... until we get to you and me. We have the audacity to look God in the face and say, 'No.'" - David Platt, Radical, 31

[Over the phone]
Neal: While we were praying it started raining here. Just shows it rains on the righteous and the unrighteous. Me being the latter.
Katie: It's not raining here.
Neal: Does that mean you're in limbo?
Katie: I'm luke-warm, dang it!

Curt: I'm teaching [the topic] strangers, then if I have more time, I'll teach friends, then if I have more time, I'll teach Vernon.

Amber: Katie, your dad is ridiculious. He gets away with things that no other human being would ever get away with.

"In direct contradiction to the American dream, God actually delights in exalting our inability. He intentionally puts His people in situations where they come face to face with their need for Him. In the process He powerfully demonstrates His ability to prove everything His people need in ways they could never have mustered up or imagined." - David Platt, Radical, 47

Wacky Wednesday

The following of a collection of profound or ridiculous things heard in normal conversation (unless otherwise marked).  <>< Katie

Katie: Don't lick her foot.
Laura [The her]:  I feel breath on my toes!

"God is not someone who can be tacked on in our lives." - Francis Chan, Crazy Love, 96

Mom: What's your plan for tomorrow?
Katie [Sarcastically]: Let me check my calendar. Oh, look: it's blank.
Mom: Does that mean you have nothing going on tomorrow?
Katie: That's what a blank calendar means.
Mom: Not Dad's!

"That night I learned that God sees no barriers, even when I do.  God is ready to use me.  And when I focus on God instead of my mountain, He channels through me His grace and His power." - Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray, 81

Andy: Can I get a to-go box?
Elizabeth: Can I get a to-go cup?
Allyson: Can I get a to-go fork?

Laura: I feel old: I get to sign for mail.
Katie: Oh!  It's probably my passport and China Visa.
Christina: It says refrigerate after opening.
Katie: It's probably not my passport.

Katie: I blogged.
Mom: How can you blog?  It's Sunday.
Katie: I can blog whatever day I want!

"To gather with God's people in united adoration of the Father is as necessary to the Christian life as prayer." - Martin Luther

"Adoration is foreign to most people, and you will probably feel clumsy when you first try it.  As with anything you take up--a new sport, a new computer program, a new job--you have to stretch yourself and work at it to do well." - Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray, 67

Katie: Ultimate flour sock.
Laura: What's that?  You shove a sock in your flower?  Wait.

Dad: Have you... gone potty?

Adam: Can I get a fourth of a cup of lemonade?  Do you know what that means?  If I have a 400-page book, I want 100 pages read.
Katie: Oh, I got it!  By why wouldn't you want to read the other 300 pages?
Adam: I'm saving them for later.

Katie: What is this all about?  I haven't been to church yet.
Pastor Russ: You haven't been to church yet?!  Didn't you used to go to like three services?  If you commit to praying for the high school ministry once a week, you get to paint a tile.
Katie: I have to pray?  Once a week?!
Bob: You used to be like [high-pitched voice] "Yeah!  I love to pray!"

Mom: We have a giant rabbit in our car.  No, parking lot. No. We have a giant rabbit in our yard.

Katie: What was the ridiculous thing you said earlier that I didn't write now?
Mom: Nothing!  Everything I say is incredibly intelligent!

Evan: Are you ready to walk and not faint?
Katie: Yeah, and run and not get weary, too!
Allyson: I'm glad you got that because I definitely didn't.
[See Isaiah 43:30-31]

Katie: In Chinese the days of the week are a number and then the word 'day.'  Like Monday is one-day.
Mom: So Tuesday is Two-day?  [Laughing]
Katie: Yes, today is Two-day Tuesday.

Katie: What time is it?
Elizabeth: It's 11:99.

"As we begin to focus more on Christ, loving Him and others becomes more natural.  As long as we are pursuing Him, we are satisfied in Him." - Francis Chan, Crazy Love, 104

David: You never know with Rebekah.  You turn around and she's throwing your five year old dreams out the window!

Katie: What did you lose in my computer?
Mom: I lost nothing; I found my jammies in your computer!

[Facebook conversation]
Katie: Was I the only one who wanted to stand up and dance during "Our God" at church this morning?
April: Why didn't you?  I do.  Maybe even sign a little!
Katie: When we were finally invited to sing I did clap my hands and move a little... but only a little.  It is Lutheran church.
Brit: Katie, you heard this morning: we're liberal in practice but conservative in doctrine.  I believe hand-clapping falls under practice.
Katie: What about dancing?  Is that law or gospel?

"God is a worker who completes His works.  Where is there an instance of God's beginning any work and leaving it incomplete?  Show me once a world abandoned and thrown aside half-formed; show me a universe cast off from the Great Potter's wheel, with the design in outline, the clay half-hardened, and the form unshapely from incompleteness." - Charles Spurgeon

[Driving through a storm behind an airplane on a truck bed.]
Andy: That's why they're driving.  If they were flying I wonder if the plane would drag the truck behind it, too.

Dad: I didn't understand why you were yelling at the dog.
Katie: I wasn't yelling at the dog.  I was yelling at you.
Dad: Same thing.

Katie: Laura has a monopoly on all of the friends.  [Beat] Laura, what are you doing?  You're weird.  [Beat] How do you have all of the friends?
Mom: She's less weird than you are!

[Telephone Pictionary]
Girl, age 14: Is "sexy" a bad word?  I'll just use bodacious.  How do you spell bodacious? 
[The sentence] A bodacious angel wearing tight pants.

Katie: I'm trying not to sound like a dork in this email to Dr. T, and it's not working.
Elizabeth: Katie, it's Dr. T; he already knows you're a dork.

[Dad misbooked
Dad: Well, this is the dumbest, most embarrassing thing I've ever done.
Christina: No, it's not.  Remember that time you double-booked Katie on the airplane so she had to sit next to herself?
Katie: Or the time you knocked over the full luggage cart in the parking lot?

"You cannot be everything you want to be, but you can be everything God wants you to be." - Max Lucado

Katie: What's your favorite ice cream?
Boy, age 4: Tomato.
Katie: Tomato?  I've never had tomato ice cream.
Boy: NOOO!  Cookie dough!

[Bananagrams]
Mom: I wish I had a W to make dwarf.  No, I wish I had a D; I have four Ws.

Katie: VBS does a great job of reminding me that I love children but I made the right choice not to go into education.
Laura: Oh.  I'm the opposite.
Katie: You hate children and you're glad you're going into education?

Jackie, age 14: We need to all save up our money to buy a house and that way when you all die it can be mine.

Grandpa: What was that noise?
Katie: My fault.  I pushed against the table to push my chair back, but apparently I'm heavier than the table.
Mom: First time in her life!

Christina: For my CNA stuff it says I have to be able to lift 50 pounds.  How much is 50 pounds?  Daddy, come here!
Dad: I weigh more than 50 pounds!
Christina: Ok, Katie, come here!
Katie: I weigh more than 50 pounds, too!
Christina: Fifty-two is close enough.

Mom: Katie! Dad's new scale is busted! It told me I weigh 300 pounds!
Katie: Let me try it. How does it work?
Mom: It doesn't.
Katie: It told me I weigh zero pounds.
Mom: You can have some of mine.

"[B]eing on a God-guided adventure truly is living life on another level than merely competing for wealth and achievement and prizes and toys of this work." - Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray, 173

Christian: But I believe in the Trinity!
Melissa: And Pastor Russ doesn't?

Uncle Jay: I'm the alien bringing the hay!

Auntie Gwennie: Are you practicing your Cantonese or your Mandarin?
Katie: My Mandarin.
Auntie Gwennie: Bok choy!
Mom: No, that's a vegetable.

Christina: Look!  The moon!
Katie: I don't want to see anyone's moon!
Christina: God's showing us His moon.

Mom: Stop using my arm as a drumstick!

"Prayer is a way to turn dry theological descriptions into warm, living, personal realities.  When we live in constant communication with God, our needs are met, our faith increases, and our love expands." - Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray, 166

Mom: Do you want milk?
Uncle Bill: No, we have red milk. [wine]

Auntie Gwennie: "Open away from face."  What the--?  It's a coffee filter, for crying out loud!

Christina: What's she getting?
Joe: I'm a he!

Uncle Bill: I strike on Fourth Street.
Katie: Good thing there are only three streets in cribbage.

"The point of your life is to point to Him." - Francis Chan, Crazy Love, 44

Life-Long Friendships

My dad's birthday was earlier this month, so while everyone else was out, I had the job of answering our home phone.  I don't usually pay any attention to the home phone because no one calls me there.  But this particular day I did and what I saw was an area code from Baptist Country.

Even though I knew the call wasn't for me, I got excited.  Talking on the phone to someone in that state made me feel closer to my college friends.  It was the wife of one of my dad's college buddies calling to wish Dad a happy birthday.

A few hours later we received another call from Baptist Country.  This time it was the husband of the woman who called earlier.  I answered the phone and passed it on to the Birthday Boy.

Even though he went into the other room, I could still hear their bantering, the inside jokes and stories that never get old, and the gut-busting laughter.  I couldn't help but smile.  Even though their relationship has been mostly limited to an annual dinner (thanks to having a daughter in the area... wait, that was me) and birthday phone calls, my dad and Mark still have a friendship.

That brought me an amazing amount of encouragement to know that even when we're not seeing each other every day, my college friends and I can still joke around, retell stories, and (yes, even) sass each other.  While the miles between us will change, our friendship will remain the same.

<>< Katie

PS: College friends who thought they were finally free of me and my sassy, sanitary self... so sorry!

Stench

I am very slowly getting over a cold that has stolen my sense of smell for almost the last week.  I didn't really miss smells because the most prevalent smell in our home is a repercussion of the weird food our dog has to eat.

Unfortunately, my sense of smell is returning and I too now groan when the dog lets one rip.

Or when someone starts the stove.  Or when Dad gargles and then gives me a hug.  Or when my sister uses too much perfume.

Suddenly every smell is suffocating.  Anything with a scent makes me gag.

Isn't that life with the Holy Spirit?  Sometimes you don't realize what you're missing until you have it.  And then once the Holy Spirit begins to change your life, everything you once did makes you gag.

Of course, eventually smells will go back to being a normal part of my day (I can't wait!) and not overwhelming.

As we continue our faith journey, we grow more content with whatever our "normal" has become.  Those things that once repulsed us are accepted now.  We blaze through things that once made us pause and reflect.

Stop!  Pay attention to what you're doing! 

Breathe in the beautiful scent of life and exhale the rancid stench of sin.

<>< Katie

Wacky Wednesday

David: Katie, I especially like the Wacky Wednesday quotes when Nikki's mocking you because they're so funny!

Heather: Evan, get a canoe and row home.
Evan: I would love that but I think it's uphill.
Katie: It wouldn't matter; you'd be in a canoe!

Katie: It's "Yo quiero verTe."
Neal: Yeah, V-E-R-D-E.
Katie: No, V-E-R-T-E.  It's "I want to see You" not "I want green."

Andy: What is this?  Do I look like a maid? Or a butler?
Amy: The first one.
Nikki: Maid.

Caitlin: You exchanged hats!  That's like a promise.
Michael: Yeah!  It's a promise ring for gangsters.

Katie: Is that the Beast from Beauty and the Beast on your shirt?

Professor: James, do you know your Bible well?
James: No.
Professor: That's because you didn't grow up Lutheran.

Jennifer: Elizabeth, I can feel your heart beat through my butt!

Manolo: Say, "Esta es mi primera vez en Nicaragua."
Neal: Esta es mi primera vez en Nicaragua.
Katie: Neal!  Stop swearing at us!
Neal: What?
Katie: He's teaching you naughty words!
Neal: Nah!  This is a man of the Lord!
[an hour later Manolo did intentionally teach Neal the wrong word]

Nikki: I made a phalic image in this poem and he totally caught it!
Katie: He's a boy.  I'm not surprised.
Nikki: No, it was a Biblical image!
Katie: He's a boy and a div school student.

Sara: Katie's always brave and tries the mystery salad from the stir fry line.
[That's really just in here for Mom]

[I'm cutting cookie cake with a butter knife.  Andy handed me the machete we use to cut watermelon]
Katie: Will you make the bleeding stop when I cut myself with this knife?
Andy: Yes, but only this once.
Katie: Do you want some cookie cake without any blood on it?
Andy: No, I want blood on mine.
Katie: Well, I'll supply the cookie cake. You'll have to supply the blood.

Boy: I thought it was a fart.  But then it rolled down my leg.
Mother: And onto the carpet.
Brother: Yeah, I'll put that on my facebook: my brother pooped on the carpet.
Mother: No.
Boy: Please, Mom?

Ted: Uno, dos, tros.

Mo: Oh, did you see?  The directions are in plastic, too.
Jessica: You can't read plastic?
Mo: I mean, English.

Nikki: Do you like your sandwich cut?
Amy: Yes, like animals.
Nikki: You're going to get triangles.  Four of them.  Actually, I changed my mind and cut your P, B, and J like a pizza.

Erica: Where's Sherry from?  America?  I thought she was from Australia.

Sara: Are you stretching or giving me a hug?
David: Yes.

Heather: God is so good amidst all this crap.
Katie: She just said a naughty word in the prayer room!
Anonymous Friend: Hell, yeah!

Katie: Nikki!  You always walk away when I'm talking!
Nikki: I know that your stories are long enough that I can walk away and come back to hear the real point.

Amy: Ah!  I just got my phone charger stuck in the air conditioner vent.

James: I didn't do the assigment.
Professor: Well, that's what we expect from males.

Dad: I had a bad dream last night.  I was graduating college and I didn't have a job.
Katie: I'm so glad your nightmare is my reality.

Neal: If you don't perform your role, our body is not whole.  So don't let satan convince you that you're insignificant or something you did last week means you're not capable for being part of the body this week.  Without you, our joy is not complete and we can't enjoy this trip.  Maybe you're a pinky or maybe you're a heart; you're still part of the body.

The Post in Which the Author Laments

It is the end of an era.  Saying goodbye to my parents in what we now affectionately call "The Crying Parking Lot" seems like forever ago.

"One Sunday afternoon in June" is very quickly becoming "a Monday morning in May."  That very expensive piece of paper is almost mine.  But I don't want it.

I'm not ready to leave.  I'm not ready to get a big girl job.  I'm not ready to start over.

I love it here.  It's why I prayerfully chose this place.  God has grown me and used me here.

I'm not the same woman I was four years ago when we cried in the parking lot.  All too soon I'll be crying in a different parking lot.  Pulling away from a place that has shaped me, formed me, and made me who I am.

As my peers discuss what dorm they're living in next year, I ponder what state (country?) I'll be in.  As they plan their schedule, I look at the classes I wish I could take.

When my parents, sisters, and I said goodbye, I walked back to my dorm while their van pull away.  I never looked back.

Will I be able to do the same in a month?

Based on how easily the tears filled my eyes tonight, no.

I refuse to count the days until I walk across the stage. Instead, I'm being pulled towards it kicking and screaming. Even my pullers are screaming.

"I'm going to have a hard time when you graduate."
"Are you sure you don't want to add an seventh major and stay a little while longer?"

But, unfortunately, it's time. 

The rites of passage passed and the mile stones crossed.  Those "one day in the future" events have become items to be crossed off the to-do list.

Yet still it hurts.

I'm comfortable here.  Four years will do that.

I cannot walk across campus without stopping to chat.  I know the chain of command for almost every problem and situation.  I'm not afraid to jump to the top of the chain, I know the loop holes, and I call people by their first names.  I keep emergency numbers in my phone, and I have used them.

This is my school.
This is my home.

I understand now why people linger long after graduation.  Part of me hopes I become one of them.

<>< Katie

And to think, this post was supposed to be about my final youth trip this weekend.

Sorry, friends. Thanks for letting me be nostalgic today.

Amber and I purchsed our flights to China on Friday! Now my life doesn't end until August. But I still don't have any idea what I'm doing when I get back.

"Everyone Needs Compassion"

"Daddy, what were your five compassionate things you did today?"  I asked.  Dad was getting ready for bed, and I was sprawled out on his bed with a book.  I wasn't moving until I got an answer.

Dad: Helping people get on the elevator.
Katie: Did you really help people on the elevator today or are you making that up?
Dad: Actually, I helped THREE people onto the elevator today, so that's three things.
Katie: No, "Helping three people on the elevator" is one thing.  What are the other four?
Dad: Um... calling Grandma and Grandpa.  Calling Laura.  Um... Four... Kissing in public.
He walked over to Mom, gave her a hug and a kiss, and smirked at me.  Then he came over and gave me a kiss.
Dad: Five!  Now get off my bed.

I called him lame, but I did move.  He asked my five compassionate things for the day, and I gave an equally lame list.

Compassion: a deep awareness for others' hurting and acting upon those sympathies.

I'm pretty sure kissing doesn't count.

Compassion is risking your arm in an elevator door to ensure someone in a wheel chair has ample time to get on board.  Compassion is letting someone cut you in line because she has a screaming child who needs a nap.  Compassion is smiling at the waiter even when he brought you the wrong kind of wine.

Everyone needs compassion.  Did you hear me?  Everyone needs compassion.  Not just those you think are deserving of it.  Not just those who cross your path when you're in a good mood.  Everyone.

It's hard.  Very hard.  But let's work on it together.

So, friends, I ask you the same thing, what were your five compassionate things for today?  How did you show or receive compassion today?

<>< Katie

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

Wacky Wednesday- Friday Edition

Christina: Will it go on your blog?
Katie: You betcha.
Mom: On Wacky Wednesday?
Katie: Yup.  I haven't had a Wacky Wednesday in awhile.
Mom: What?!  You've been with your family!  How could you NOT have a Wacky Wednesday?
Katie: I have plenty of quotes for a Wacky Wednesday, but I haven't written one.
Christina: Have a Friday Edition of Wacky Wednesday.
Mom: On Thursday!
Katie: It seems only appropriate since I have no idea what day of the week it is anyway.

Mom: Ooooh!  I'm a trash compactor and I can vacuum seal the bag!

Dad: How did I get in this family?
Auntie Gwennie: Better question: how do I get out?

Katie: We're lost... outside (without the car)... in Minnesota... in January!  All because Mom wanted seafood... in Minnesota... in January!  It might be August before I warm up!

Mom: Then we can go to Denise and Greg's, and Greg can do the photo shoot in his... jammies.
Laura: As long as he doesn't sleep naked.

Auntie Gwennie: Doesn't iron give you energy or something?
Uncle Bill: Tina, you've taken anatomy.  Is that true?
Christina: Well, we studied iodine.

Mom [making white frosting]: There's something green in here.  Oh, and red.  Who put jimmies in my frosting?
Katie: Jimmy!  Get out of the frosting!
Laura: Jimmy want to go in the frosting for a swim.
Katie: No, Jimmy licks the frosting.
Mom: Grandpa!
[Grandpa Jim taught my sisters and me to steal frosting from a cake without anyone noticing]

Dad:  What's wrong?  Why are you up so early?
Katie: It's ten-thirty, eleven-thirty to my body.
Dad: That's it.

Aunt Denise: Gail!  You can't give him a present just because it says his name!
Mom: It says his name, just in the wrong spot!

Dad: Get naked and give me twenty.
Uncle Jay: I am not getting naked in front of you!  And I'm not giving you twenty bucks either for that matter.

Mom: I will not put the Advent candles on Christina's birthday cake!

Katie: Ok, Daddy, I'm ready!  I'm even wearing Grandma's long underwear.  Where'd you go?
Dad: I'm hiding!

Mom: Do you want a poker stick to get the Christmas lights all the way up there?
Dad: I don't need a poker stick.  I have Katie!

I was startled out of dream world by Laura's shouting.
Laura: That's ok; she loves me!
Without opening my eyes I knew--much to my dismay--that I was the she.
Katie: No she doesn't!
That wasn't going to stop her.  When my bedroom door flew open, I threw my pillow over my face. There was no way to avoid whatever I was about to be the victim of, but my pillow would protect my face as I prayed for the best.  Laura crawled on top of me in bed.  Between the two of us, we make a normal-sized person, but that doesn't mean I like to be on the bottom of our person.
Laura: Katie, give me a hhhhhhhhug!

Mom [to Dad]: Do not pants your daughter!

Laura: Mom, I saw an animal outside.
Mom: What kind of animal was it?
Laura: Um... a giant white gerbil with a raw tail.
Mom: An opossum.

Man at Quiznos: Chips?
Mom: No, thanks.
Man: Beer, bourbon, scotch?
Mom: Oooh! Scotch, please.

Ben: Nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Ax.  Sorry in advance for drinking all of your milk.
He and three friends (the one other male among them being lactose intolerant) were here thirty-six hours, and they drank three gallons of milk.

Christina: Katie, what are you going to do when you're married?
Katie: Have kids.
Christina: And make them empty the dishwasher? Even your one year old? Does he have to empty the dishwasher?
Katie: It's a she.
Christina: And your three month old? Does she have to empty the dishwasher, too?
Katie: Yeah, he gets the plates up to the top shelf without needing any help. Wait a second! Why do I have a one year old and a three month old? Oh boy!
Mom: Adoption.
Christina: Your husband was married before. Katie got a used one!

Favorite

Katie: I'm going to go upstairs now before one of those cookies leaps off the pan and into my mouth.
Mom: One already leaped into Dad's mouth.
Katie: They're my favorite.
Mom: I thought the rugelach was your favorite?
Katie: It is.  And Grandpa's Favorite Cookies are my favorite too.

Huh?  Katie, you can't have three favorite cookies.

Actually, I can.  If Peder Eide can have five favorite children, I can have three favorite cookies.

Peder [to his middle son]: Ethan, guess what?  You're my favorite.
Ethan: Cool!
Peder: Ethan, guess what?  Allison's my favorite.  And Taylor?  He's my favorite.
Ethan: Let me guess, Makenzie and Teshome are your favorite too?
Peder: Yup!  You are all my favorite!
Ethan: That's not as cool, Dad.

I understand Ethan's plight.  My sisters and I used to drive our father nuts asking him who was his favorite.  Now he says his favorite number is one-two-three.  He leaves us all notes proving he loves us each the most.

That just doesn't make sense.  I can't have three favorite cookies.  Peder can't have five favorite children.  Dad can't love us all the most.  It's not possible!  Or is it?

Why can't it be?

Friend, you are God's favorite.  He loves you the most.

He loves you so much He engraved your name on the palm of His hand. (see Isaiah 49:16).

He sent His Son to earth to be born in a dirty manger, to grow up in a world that disagreed with Him, to be brutally killed, to be raised again from the dead.  All because He loves you.  All because you're His favorite.

How does that make you feel?

Excuse me now while God's favorite daughter catches the favorite cookie that is flying at her mouth.

<>< Katie

That's My Daddy

Every Christmas my entire extended family worships together to start our Christmas Eve brouhaha.

As a toddler, I would walk between the knees of my relatives and the pew in front of us.  One of my uncles, neither will fess up to being the culprit but it could have feasibly been either one, handed me a piece of paper and told me to take it to my other uncle.

I looked down at the piece of paper, recognized a big "D" scribbled and loudly proclaimed, "That's my daddy!"

The paper really said, "Dork."

Yeah, church was pretty much over for my family at that point in time.
Happy Monday!
<>< Katie

Christmas Wishes from the Fire Department

Somewhere between ten and eleven on Sunday night reality hit.  It was bedtime and we still had "miles to go before [we] sleep and miles to go before [we] sleep."  Three hours worth of miles.

I offered to switch and drive for awhile, but Amber pointed out that might be futile since I was yawning too.  She said she'd just curl up and go to sleep rather than keep me awake, but I wouldn't fall asleep while she was driving.  Probably true.  A few days earlier we'd learned the hard way that her reaction time is good even when she's tired.

Hit was a sudden, God-send burst of energy, I began the most animated, elaborate retelling of one of my favorite Christmas Eve stories. Followed by three hours worth of other stories, laughter, and no yawns at all. 

It was Christmas Eve afternoon and I was almost done getting ready for the traditional brouhaha when the smoke detector went off.

As a teenager, what to do in case of a fire had been drilled into my head.  I went out the garage door and passed both cars in the garage.  I found out later that my sisters were in the car ready to go, unaware that the smoke detector was going off.  When I rounded the house and headed towards our "meeting place" I realized there is a flaw in our plan: snow makes the meeting place hard to get to.  But it didn't matter because I saw both of my parents just chilling in the kitchen.

I opened the backdoor and walked back in.  Apparently my mom had spilled something in the oven earlier in the day and wanted to clean it out before everyone came over.  She used the self-cleaner oven feature for the first time and it set the smoke detector off.  Other than a hazy house, everything was fine.

The security system on our house is supposed to call the police if our house is broken into and fire department if the smoke detector goes off.  We were literally five minutes away from leaving for six hours.  We didn't want to come home (with the entire extended family fifteen minutes behind us) to discover our door had been broken down because we didn't answer.

Dad called the non-emergency fire department number to tell them everything was fine.

Fireman: Since you called, we have to send a truck out.

Great.  Although, we later learned if the security system had called they would have sent trucks from two different stations because we're right in the middle between the two.  As it were, the other station got an ambulance call around the same time.  I like to think that in inconveniencing ourselves we saved a life.  Whatever, Katie.

Anyway.  Fire truck came.  Big flashing lights.  Alarmed neighbors called.  Firemen stood in the back hall and listen to our crazy story.  They didn't even go into the kitchen!  They left.  Dad called the security system people to make sure the fire department isn't going to be called again.  Ultimately, against their advice, he disconnected our security system.

We showed up to my aunt and uncle's church a half hour late.  My cousin's choir, the reason we were going to church there, was returning to their seats.  We did make the pastor's day because the sanctuary was full, so they put seats in the atrium for us.  This is why we don't save seats on Christmas Eve anymore.  You never know when some firemen are going to make you late to church.

After church we began our normal round-robin at my aunt and uncle's house.  Food, drinks, presents, cookies, moving on.  The entire party of 13 journeyed to my grandparents' house for a repeat.  Food, drinks, presents, cookies, moving on.

Our house was the last in our parade.  We are also the only house with a functioning fire place.  My uncle from out of town wanted to roast chestnuts over our fire.  It made the kitchen a little smokey, but we didn't think anything of it.

Until my aunt shouted, "FIRE IN THE OVEN!"

Some bread dish--the same dish that had spilled earlier--was literally flaming inside of our oven.  That's bad.  One uncle grabbed a hot pad, pulled out the pan, and held it over the sink.  The other uncle blew out the flames.  Dad took the scorched pan and threw it in a snowbank in the back yard where it stayed for the next three days.

Of course, the fire alarm went off again and the house is full of smoke.  For the second time that day we opened all of the windows to let the frigid winter air into our home and the smoke out into the world.  I'm pretty sure the temperature in my kitchen was below freezing that Christmas.  I camped out in the basement, the warmest place in the house.

No more chestnuts roasting over an indoor fire.  No more flaming bread dish.  Just a great Christmas tale.  And a year full of photos with the fire extinguisher in them.

About a week later my mom's oven still needed to be cleaned.  So she set the self-cleaner again and opened the kitchen window.  She was on the phone with my aunt when she heard sirens in our area.  It's not really that uncommon because there are two deadly traffic corners within a mile of our house.  Except this was a fire engine siren.  Getting closer.  And closer.  And closer.

Mom: I've got to go.  That firetruck is coming down our street.

It stopped two houses away where they had a small electrical fire.

I hope this Christmas there are no unexpected guests.  Especially those that drive a big red vehicle and wear yellow suits.  Happy December First!

<>< Katie

Give Thanks

"Happy Thanksgiving," said the man on the other end of the phone.  Those two words caught my off guard and it wasn't just because the phone was answered on the first ring.

Every holiday my dad answers the phone by wishing the caller a happy day.  Happy Thanksgiving.  Merry Christmas.  Happy New Year.  Happy Labor Day... you get the idea.  I've listened to him do this all my life, but we've always been on the same side of the phone.

"Happy Thanksgiving," I choked back.

Two words was all he needed to recognize my voice, and I heard the smile in his.  For the next hour we played "Pass the phone" with my nine relatives.

I was told that this year our family was not separated by gender.  Instead of men in the kitchen and women in the dining room, all nine of them fit around the dining room table.  Somebody got the bright idea that they should all share something they're thankful for.  I'm thankful I wasn't there for Sap Fest.

Christina: I'm thankful for Jesus.
Aunt: I'm thankful for our family and that we don't fight.
Uncle: [to my aunt] I'm thankful we're not facebook friends.
Grandma: I'm thankful we're all alive and here and...
Mom: I'm thankful Laura loves her college, and they were able to "unbreak" our dog.
Dad: I'm thankful we're all healthy. [insert sappy sermon here]
Grandpa: I'm thankful for your momma and that she puts up with me.  I love her.

I've never heard my grandparents express love to each other.  Love pats here and there but sassiness is more common.  For my grandfather to compliment my grandmother and say he loves her in front of all of those people made Grandma cry.  I've seen the video to prove it.

How was your Thanksgiving this year?  Was it the typical sweet potatoes, turkey, and pumpkin pie?  Was it merely a the precursor to Christmas?  Or was it really a time of reflection and thankfulness? 

My friend Caitlin is extending Thanksgiving for a year.  For the next 365 days she's going to share something she's thankful for.  I'd love to be able to do the same thing.  Look at every day with the realization that I do have something to be thankful for.

Even when it rains.  Even when my suitemates pick on me.  Even when my computer refuses to cooperate.

I still can be thankful.  I can still tell someone I am thankful for their influence in my life.  Thankful for their love.  Their smile.  Their encouraging word.

I can tell Christ I am thankful for His sacrifice.  Thankful for His love.  Thankful for His controlling, disciplining hand.

I wasn't going to post about being thankful.  After all, it's Thanksgiving.  That's kind of the cliche thing to do, right?  Wrong.  It's something we need to do more often than we do.  Not just on the fourth Thursday of November.  Be thankful around the year.

Cyber friends, I am thankful for you.

<>< Katie

A Beer with the Boys

The weekend before Thanksgiving has always been reserved for deer hunting.  My dad would go up to my grandparents' house, kickback, relax, and hunt.  Long before any sane person would even consider leaving the depths of their plush, warm bed, Dad and Boppy would be donning their layers and blaze orange to head into the woods.

They always hoped for a nice layer of fresh snow as they hunted the same land year after year.  The tree line and a corn field belonged to our goodfriends Herb and Arnie, two brothers in their 80s who lived independently in neighboring homes.

Sometime after the sun came up, our two men would trudge into Herb's kitchen where the fridge was full of Miller.  Not because Herb drank beer but because Dad and Boppy drank beer.  Arnie would come over and the four would sit around solving the world's problems.

As everyone grew older, hunting became harder and harder.  The time in the woods was shorter and the time in Herb's kitchen longer.  "Deer hunting" became a pretense for a good time with old friends.  It has been years since we've had any venison.

The day I started college I got a phone call saying Arnie passed away.  This was eight months after the contemplation of terminating life support, the planning of the funeral, and the Christmas Miracle.  That year Dad and Boppy BYOB-ed it to Herb's room at the nursing home.

Herb passed away on New Year's Eve that same year.  The only time I've ever been to the gravesite was when we almost froze to death in the sub-zero temperatures and wild winds ripping off the surrounding barren fields.

Even though the will brouhaha had not yet been settled, Dad and Boppy hunted Herb and Arnie's land that year.  But it was too hard.  Instead, they took a drive to the cemetery in the middle of nowhere.  The one that only has two remaining plots, graciously given to my grandparents to use sometime in the distant future.

With the headstones protecting them from the wind, two grown men wearing blaze orange sat on a nice layer of snow to have a beer with the boys.

Green Beans on the Ceiling

Back in the day when my mom fed my sister green beans out of the jar, I learned some life lessons.  Once, Mom accidentally dropped the jar, and green beans went everywhere.  To my four-year-old self, this was fiasco.  The ultimately BIG MESS!  Mommy should have gone to time out. 

But she didn't.  She laughed.  She laughed so hard we had to write a song/poem about it in order for Daddy to fully grasp the magnitude of the mess we (she) made.

Green beans on the ceiling.
Green beans on the floor.
Green beans in the kitchen.
Green beans galore.

There really were green beans everywhere.  We found them splattered on the cabinets fifteen feet away.  We found them on the nine-foot ceiling.  I don't think we could have created such a massive green bean explosion if we had tried.

But Mom wasn't mad.  I panicked.  Mom laughed.  Sure, there was a huge mess to clean up but so what?  It was almost as funny as the time Grandpa sneezed egg all over the wall.

In that moment, she taught me that messes are ok.  She taught me to laugh at myself.  She taught me sometimes things don't happen was we plan but that doesn't mean it's the end of the world.

And she did it all with a jar of green beans.

Learning to decorate with green beans,
<>< Katie

Chopper One Sighting

One evening after dinner there was a knock on the door.  Most people just walk into our apartment, but if someone knocks those who don't live here often answer the door.  This time Nikki got it and standing outside was a middle-aged man.

Before I tell you about him, let me tell you about my apartment.  We're a brand new building that is still considered to be on campus, but we're out in the boonies.  A large parking lot separates us from the nearest building.  My front window view is a cliff with a road at the bottom of it and woods across the street.  More woods on our left, and behind us is a huge red field that will someday house more buildings but for now will be the home of our own Mud Fest.

The middle-aged men that darken our doorstep are our fathers and the maintenance men.  This particular man was neither.

"I'm the father of a girl in the apartment across the hall.  Do you have internet?  She doesn't either.  I just want to take a quick peak in the closet at your wireless hook-up."

Across the room and out of eye sight, I shot a "What the heck does he think he's doing?" look at Adam.

"We were told the internet can't be hooked up until the building is complete.  Even though we're living in it the building can't be officially declared complete until the cable company comes back," Nikki explained.

"You see, that's not true," he said.  "You guys can't live without internet."

If there was sarcasm in his voice, I did not hear it.  He also never gave his name, but Adam said he had a school employee ID.

If I was suspicious before, I was upset now.  My desire for internet was overpowered by my desire for that father to let his daughter go unplugged.  It was one night for goodness sake!  The rest of us had been internet-less for literally a week, and we were still alive.  Gasp! 

I'm glad I didn't answer the door.  I might have said something like this: Sir, if you work here, check it out in the morning.  Don't go around the building at night and explore the internet hook-up.  Don't teach your daughter that you can fix everything instantly.  She's 18 not 8!  (OK, I would not have really said that, but I thought it).

Honestly, my heart broke for her.  You see, I know what it's like to go to school where your parents work.  For nine years I shared a building with two student-sisters, a teacher-mother, and an administrator father.  It was not unusual for someone to see all five of us in one day.  Even now, I go back and nobody asks me what I'm doing.  They already know; Mom told them.

To the girl who I've not even met yet, I am sorry you chose a school where your parent(s) work.  I've been there.  I'm sorry you have a hovering Helicopter Parent.  I have two.  Come on over.  We'll swap stories.

Dear Mr. Creepy Man/Helicopter Father, thank you for trying to fix our internet.  We really do appreciate your (failed) effort.  Now, it's 9pm and your daughter's first night away at school.  Let her make some friends and enjoy herself without you here.  It's actually better if her computer doesn't work, so she's not in front of the screen all night long.  Oh, and, yes, we can live without internet.

Thank you for letting me rant.  As always, thoughts welcome.

<>< Katie