My life is awesome

Author's Note:  All of the following is a collection of achronological stories that have all happened in the last two days.  Minor creative liberties may have been taken but these stories are as true as I can put them to where a reader can understand without having actually been here.  Please don't pity me.  I am cranky, but I am not being sarcastic; my life is awesome.  Enjoy.  <>< K

My life is awesome
Katie: Guys, I just had another bloody nose.
Andy: I'm trained handle that.
Elizabeth: How many times do we have to tell you, Katie: stop getting punched in the face!
Katie: It was Allyson!
(side note: this is a whole lot funnier if you know Allyson because she'd never hurt a fly)
Allyson (butter knife in hand): Do you want me to cut off your nose?  That would help!
Katie: Actually, I think that'd make it bleed a bit more.
Andy: Well, look at it this way: it would hurt and bleed a lot right away but then you'd never have to worry about it again!
Elizabeth: Yeah, 'cuz you'd be dead.
(insert big argument about whether or not it's possible to live after getting your nose chopped off with a butter knife)

My life is awesome
Nikki: Gah!  Why don't I ever date my notes?
Katie: Because they're not male.
Nikki: I never send my notes in the mail.

My life is awesome
Katie: Is that your mom or Andy on the phone?
Elizabeth: Huh?
Katie: Is that your mom or Andy on the phone?
Elizabeth: I still can't understand Katie's man-voice.
Nikki: You mean Kenny's man-voice?
Elizabeth: Talk to me again when you sound normal.
Katie (in the most pitiful stuffy-nose voice I could make): Just because I don't have a sense of smell doesn't mean I don't have feelings!

My life is awesome
If you've never been in an ASL class it's hard to imagine twenty people sitting around in complete silence when no one has died.  Please try to picture it for me.  Oh, and we were watching a silent movie, so... well... we know what happens when videos are shown in class... Anyway, I was in desperate need of some Tylenol.  This cold might kill me, my headache was not helping, and after watching 50 minutes of ASL storytelling on a small tv screen you'd be groping for Tylenol, too.  I was trying to decide if it would have been socially acceptable to take it in the middle of class.  Most classes I wouldn't have cared, but this one is completely silent, so all of my classmates will hear me unzip my personal pharmacy; the bottle rattle; plus, I dropped my Nalgene splash guard on the floor yesterday and haven't had time to wash it, so I'm going to make a noisy mess as I nearly drown myself trying to swallow the pesky pill; eventually I'll give up and the "crunch" will reverberate through the classroom as if we were in a tunnel.  This was my very long internal debate.  I finally decided I didn't care: I needed some Tylenol.  So I uncrossed my legs and began to dig into my backpack, but before I got there I accidently kicked one of the desks in front of me.  "That desk is going to fall and there is nothing I can do about it."  It fell in slow motion and the clang rang through the previously silent classroom.

My.  Life.  Is.  Awesome.