Monday, April 4, 2011

The Post in Which the Author Laments

It is the end of an era.  Saying goodbye to my parents in what we now affectionately call "The Crying Parking Lot" seems like forever ago.

"One Sunday afternoon in June" is very quickly becoming "a Monday morning in May."  That very expensive piece of paper is almost mine.  But I don't want it.

I'm not ready to leave.  I'm not ready to get a big girl job.  I'm not ready to start over.

I love it here.  It's why I prayerfully chose this place.  God has grown me and used me here.

I'm not the same woman I was four years ago when we cried in the parking lot.  All too soon I'll be crying in a different parking lot.  Pulling away from a place that has shaped me, formed me, and made me who I am.

As my peers discuss what dorm they're living in next year, I ponder what state (country?) I'll be in.  As they plan their schedule, I look at the classes I wish I could take.

When my parents, sisters, and I said goodbye, I walked back to my dorm while their van pull away.  I never looked back.

Will I be able to do the same in a month?

Based on how easily the tears filled my eyes tonight, no.

I refuse to count the days until I walk across the stage. Instead, I'm being pulled towards it kicking and screaming. Even my pullers are screaming.

"I'm going to have a hard time when you graduate."
"Are you sure you don't want to add an seventh major and stay a little while longer?"

But, unfortunately, it's time. 

The rites of passage passed and the mile stones crossed.  Those "one day in the future" events have become items to be crossed off the to-do list.

Yet still it hurts.

I'm comfortable here.  Four years will do that.

I cannot walk across campus without stopping to chat.  I know the chain of command for almost every problem and situation.  I'm not afraid to jump to the top of the chain, I know the loop holes, and I call people by their first names.  I keep emergency numbers in my phone, and I have used them.

This is my school.
This is my home.

I understand now why people linger long after graduation.  Part of me hopes I become one of them.

<>< Katie

And to think, this post was supposed to be about my final youth trip this weekend.

Sorry, friends. Thanks for letting me be nostalgic today.

Amber and I purchsed our flights to China on Friday! Now my life doesn't end until August. But I still don't have any idea what I'm doing when I get back.


Casey said...

Leaving school was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It's a scary world outside my favorite 4.2 sq mile town, but I think our school really prepares us for it. Embrace your time left - it's over too soon, and you'll miss the people like crazy, but God's got big things planned! And of course, you can visit - I'm doing that in less than 2 weeks! Love you!

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh! I can completely relate to your post! I don't really want to graduate from CUW, either. Who wants to leave their plethora of friends, activities, ministries, etc.? Plus I hear the real world is kinda lame. :)
We can be nostalgic together.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad I was wrapped in a quilt when I read this post, Katie. Always remember your future is bright even when you can't see past the glow of the "worm lights" just yet.

Love, Mom

Anonymous said...

We all can relate. Although once you get settled in your new place you will be just as happy!

Life is full of transitions.... the best thing to do is to embrace the change and enjoy the memories.