It is the end of an era. Saying goodbye to my parents in what we now affectionately call "The Crying Parking Lot" seems like forever ago.
"One Sunday afternoon in June" is very quickly becoming "a Monday morning in May." That very expensive piece of paper is almost mine. But I don't want it.
I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready to get a big girl job. I'm not ready to start over.
I love it here. It's why I prayerfully chose this place. God has grown me and used me here.
I'm not the same woman I was four years ago when we cried in the parking lot. All too soon I'll be crying in a different parking lot. Pulling away from a place that has shaped me, formed me, and made me who I am.
As my peers discuss what dorm they're living in next year, I ponder what state (country?) I'll be in. As they plan their schedule, I look at the classes I wish I could take.
When my parents, sisters, and I said goodbye, I walked back to my dorm while their van pull away. I never looked back.
Will I be able to do the same in a month?
Based on how easily the tears filled my eyes tonight, no.
I refuse to count the days until I walk across the stage. Instead, I'm being pulled towards it kicking and screaming. Even my pullers are screaming.
"I'm going to have a hard time when you graduate."
"Are you sure you don't want to add an seventh major and stay a little while longer?"
But, unfortunately, it's time.
The rites of passage passed and the mile stones crossed. Those "one day in the future" events have become items to be crossed off the to-do list.
Yet still it hurts.
I'm comfortable here. Four years will do that.
I cannot walk across campus without stopping to chat. I know the chain of command for almost every problem and situation. I'm not afraid to jump to the top of the chain, I know the loop holes, and I call people by their first names. I keep emergency numbers in my phone, and I have used them.
This is my school.
This is my home.
I understand now why people linger long after graduation. Part of me hopes I become one of them.
<>< Katie
And to think, this post was supposed to be about my final youth trip this weekend.
Sorry, friends. Thanks for letting me be nostalgic today.
Amber and I purchsed our flights to China on Friday! Now my life doesn't end until August. But I still don't have any idea what I'm doing when I get back.
Showing posts with label comfort zone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comfort zone. Show all posts
Monday, April 4, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
God: Interpreter, Provider
I didn't realize how much time Neal and I spent together in Nicaragua until I got home and started telling these stories. I think this is the last one (for now).
On Thursday morning we drove to another middle-of-nowhere church where we were going to do a service at 10am. The Nicaraguan pastors suggested we walk around town and invite people, especially children, to the service. So we did exactly that.
We strategically split into two groups with our best Spanish-speaking students split up and our bilingual Nicaraguan pastors split up. Manolo, the bilingual Nicaragua pastor in our group, told me he wasn't going to translate our invitations. That was all my job. Huh what? Not fair!
I would have much preferred to hide in the back and not do any of the talking. Manolo was going to make sure that didn't happen.
So towards the first house we walked. Our team stayed in a crowd in the street, and Neal and I approached the front door.
"Buenas," he said. "We're going to have a church service over there at ten o'clock if you'd be interested in joining us. Especially children, we're going to have activities and games for them."
Yeah, I don't know those words. But I translated the best I could. Then Neal and I walked on to the next house, and Manolo talked to the people, probably clarifying what I said.
Neal tried to get the other people in our group to introduce the neighbors, but only a few did and still I did all of the translating. Honestly, I didn't really think it fair that they got to hang out and talk while I did all of the work.
That's because it was awkward and very uncomfortable to walk up to a house and talk to strangers about church... in Spanish never the less! Neal and I confessed to each other that it was out of our comfort zones. But with every house, we admitted, it got easier. Neal became comfortable with his spiel and thus I began to anticipate what he was going to say. Of course, he threw me a curve ball now and again but the more houses we talked to, the less clarification Manolo gave afterwards.
Of course, by now it was 10:05 and we were still inviting people to the service at 10:00... Nicaraguan time.
As we walked back to the church to prepare for the service, we talked about how the Holy Spirit interprets for us. It communicates what we cannot. That brought me so much peace. Even with my befuddled Spanish, the Holy Spirit allowed to be heard what needed to be heard.
When we got back to the church, we were able to see the fruits of our labor. Not at first, mind you, but slowly the church filled up. Eventually, they dismissed the kids to go out back.
One... two... three... four... I stopped counting at 50. Our final estimate was about 80. All squished into an area the size of a dorm room.
And again we had no plan.
We did a skit to stall for time. Then Sara told the story of Jonah (and Annalisa, our best Spanish-speaker, interpreted). Then we handed out Jonah coloring pages... until we ran out.
Then we handed out home safety coloring pages... until we ran out.
Then we handed out blank pieces of paper... until we ran out. That time we ran out of kids asking for paper.
I manned the paper and crayons while our other team members scattered themselves among the masses.
Some of our girls set up in the corner of the backyard area and made Salvation Bracelets.
We kept worrying about running out of beads, so we signaled for those incharge of the service to wrap it up. They saw, "Keep going."
Five loaves, two fish, and a half-a-bag of beads we did not run out. God is such a provider! It's was awesome!
It was great to be on the bus leaving and see the children wave, each boasting a Salvation Bracelet on the wrist that matches mine.
I came home with some very important lessons learned:
1. Sometimes God asks us to do things that are uncomfortable. But the more you do them, the more comfortable they become.
2. The Holy Spirit interprets and speaks when we cannot. What needs to be said is said through no doing of our own.
3. The Lord provides. It's as simple as that.
Thankful for Grace,
<>< Katie
On Thursday morning we drove to another middle-of-nowhere church where we were going to do a service at 10am. The Nicaraguan pastors suggested we walk around town and invite people, especially children, to the service. So we did exactly that.
We strategically split into two groups with our best Spanish-speaking students split up and our bilingual Nicaraguan pastors split up. Manolo, the bilingual Nicaragua pastor in our group, told me he wasn't going to translate our invitations. That was all my job. Huh what? Not fair!
I would have much preferred to hide in the back and not do any of the talking. Manolo was going to make sure that didn't happen.
So towards the first house we walked. Our team stayed in a crowd in the street, and Neal and I approached the front door.
"Buenas," he said. "We're going to have a church service over there at ten o'clock if you'd be interested in joining us. Especially children, we're going to have activities and games for them."
Yeah, I don't know those words. But I translated the best I could. Then Neal and I walked on to the next house, and Manolo talked to the people, probably clarifying what I said.
Neal tried to get the other people in our group to introduce the neighbors, but only a few did and still I did all of the translating. Honestly, I didn't really think it fair that they got to hang out and talk while I did all of the work.
That's because it was awkward and very uncomfortable to walk up to a house and talk to strangers about church... in Spanish never the less! Neal and I confessed to each other that it was out of our comfort zones. But with every house, we admitted, it got easier. Neal became comfortable with his spiel and thus I began to anticipate what he was going to say. Of course, he threw me a curve ball now and again but the more houses we talked to, the less clarification Manolo gave afterwards.
Of course, by now it was 10:05 and we were still inviting people to the service at 10:00... Nicaraguan time.
As we walked back to the church to prepare for the service, we talked about how the Holy Spirit interprets for us. It communicates what we cannot. That brought me so much peace. Even with my befuddled Spanish, the Holy Spirit allowed to be heard what needed to be heard.
When we got back to the church, we were able to see the fruits of our labor. Not at first, mind you, but slowly the church filled up. Eventually, they dismissed the kids to go out back.
One... two... three... four... I stopped counting at 50. Our final estimate was about 80. All squished into an area the size of a dorm room.
And again we had no plan.
We did a skit to stall for time. Then Sara told the story of Jonah (and Annalisa, our best Spanish-speaker, interpreted). Then we handed out Jonah coloring pages... until we ran out.
Then we handed out home safety coloring pages... until we ran out.
Then we handed out blank pieces of paper... until we ran out. That time we ran out of kids asking for paper.
I manned the paper and crayons while our other team members scattered themselves among the masses.
Some of our girls set up in the corner of the backyard area and made Salvation Bracelets.
We kept worrying about running out of beads, so we signaled for those incharge of the service to wrap it up. They saw, "Keep going."
Five loaves, two fish, and a half-a-bag of beads we did not run out. God is such a provider! It's was awesome!
It was great to be on the bus leaving and see the children wave, each boasting a Salvation Bracelet on the wrist that matches mine.
I came home with some very important lessons learned:
1. Sometimes God asks us to do things that are uncomfortable. But the more you do them, the more comfortable they become.
2. The Holy Spirit interprets and speaks when we cannot. What needs to be said is said through no doing of our own.
3. The Lord provides. It's as simple as that.
Thankful for Grace,
<>< Katie
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Light Your World
It was somewhere between 11:30pm and midnight. I turned off the light and began the stringray shuffle towards my bed. About 3/4 of the way there I stopped, contemplating a Lambeau Leap into bed just to entertain Jennifer. Jennifer! I turned around and shuffled back towards the blinking light switch. As soon as I hit it, my roommate Jennifer and I doubled over in laughter.
Well, I doubled over; she almost fell out of bed. It wasn't really that funny, but we laughed until our stomachs hurt. Everything's funnier in the middle of the night, right?
She had been reading when I walked in from the bathroom, turned off the light, and headed to bed.
Here's the kicker: I totally knew she was reading and turned out the light without thinking anything of it!
Here's the second kicker: She didn't say anything!
I guess you had to be there. We laughed until we couldn't breathe. That could be hazardous to your health.
You know what else could be hazardous to your health? Absent-mindedly going through life. Turning off the light before you get into bed despite the fact that your roommate is reading. Making it your goal to get from Point A to Point B as fast as you can without noticing the people you pass on your way. Every day counting down until the next day when you can sleep in.
I consider myself pretty observant and friendly. I noticed Jen was reading. I wave to snowplow drivers. I address people by name when I pass them on campus.
But get me in the caf and I am in a zone! Sure, I'll talk if I'm in line, but most people tell me they saw me in the caf but I looked like I was in a hurry, so they didn't say hi. In the caf, sometimes I don't acknowledge people until they call my name. Clueless.
What if we took the time to notice the other people in the caf? Instead of just seeing bodies in between us and the milk, what if we saw the faces of God's children? What if we actually payed attention to what we were doing rather than doing it half-heartedly or rush?
What if we left the light on for someone?
What if we cared?
<>< Katie
Well, I doubled over; she almost fell out of bed. It wasn't really that funny, but we laughed until our stomachs hurt. Everything's funnier in the middle of the night, right?
She had been reading when I walked in from the bathroom, turned off the light, and headed to bed.
Here's the kicker: I totally knew she was reading and turned out the light without thinking anything of it!
Here's the second kicker: She didn't say anything!
I guess you had to be there. We laughed until we couldn't breathe. That could be hazardous to your health.
You know what else could be hazardous to your health? Absent-mindedly going through life. Turning off the light before you get into bed despite the fact that your roommate is reading. Making it your goal to get from Point A to Point B as fast as you can without noticing the people you pass on your way. Every day counting down until the next day when you can sleep in.
I consider myself pretty observant and friendly. I noticed Jen was reading. I wave to snowplow drivers. I address people by name when I pass them on campus.
But get me in the caf and I am in a zone! Sure, I'll talk if I'm in line, but most people tell me they saw me in the caf but I looked like I was in a hurry, so they didn't say hi. In the caf, sometimes I don't acknowledge people until they call my name. Clueless.
What if we took the time to notice the other people in the caf? Instead of just seeing bodies in between us and the milk, what if we saw the faces of God's children? What if we actually payed attention to what we were doing rather than doing it half-heartedly or rush?
What if we left the light on for someone?
What if we cared?
<>< Katie
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Can't I Just...
My friend Danny updated his blog the other day with a post about how it's much easier to minister to people from the other side of the radio, podium, or cyberworld, than it is to sit down with people in person. I'd have to agree.
God has this tendency to make us a bit uncomfortable.
This year I became a small group leader for a wonderful group of girls. God literally shoved me out of my comfort zone and forced me to put down the pen and use my voice instead. Now, I have no problem talking. I love it, actually. But there are so many reasons I didn't want to talk in front of people: what if I tell them something that's not of God, what if I talk too fast (quite possible since apparently I'm "Telemundo in English"), what if I sound stupid, what if they don't understand what I'm trying to say. What if I make a fool of myself?
Well, I have made a fool of myself. (Although I'm not the one that thought she was really smart when she realized you had to be a Jew to be Jewish). :-D It happens. Just goes to show I'm human. But guess, what: God still loves me no matter how silly I sound (or look).
Like I've told my small group girls: I'd much rather write about God and how amazing He is because that's easy. He doesn't want me to only thank because it's easy. He's thrown my way out of my comfort zone, but He hasn't left me there.
Do we see a trend? How many times now have a blogged about God pushing me out of my comfort zone but not leaving me there? You'd think I'd have learned by now...
<>< Katie
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love that is in Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
God has this tendency to make us a bit uncomfortable.
This year I became a small group leader for a wonderful group of girls. God literally shoved me out of my comfort zone and forced me to put down the pen and use my voice instead. Now, I have no problem talking. I love it, actually. But there are so many reasons I didn't want to talk in front of people: what if I tell them something that's not of God, what if I talk too fast (quite possible since apparently I'm "Telemundo in English"), what if I sound stupid, what if they don't understand what I'm trying to say. What if I make a fool of myself?
Well, I have made a fool of myself. (Although I'm not the one that thought she was really smart when she realized you had to be a Jew to be Jewish). :-D It happens. Just goes to show I'm human. But guess, what: God still loves me no matter how silly I sound (or look).
Like I've told my small group girls: I'd much rather write about God and how amazing He is because that's easy. He doesn't want me to only thank because it's easy. He's thrown my way out of my comfort zone, but He hasn't left me there.
Do we see a trend? How many times now have a blogged about God pushing me out of my comfort zone but not leaving me there? You'd think I'd have learned by now...
<>< Katie
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love that is in Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
What just happened?
I have never taken an American Sign Language course in my life. Before August, I knew one deaf person and she doesn't sign. I knew like four words in ASL (No, I'm not kidding... Four signs: God, Jesus, worthy, and "I love you").
Last week when [my hard-of-hearing friend] Renee suggested we study together I was down right terrified. I've learned enough sign to hold my own in a short conversation and I like to watch conversations at dinner, but study together for multiple hours? And history? I don't even know the sign for the United States of America. Plus, Renee signs quite fast. Even if I could understand every fourth sign, what were the chances I could carry on a conversation with her and actually study? To help calm my nerves, I asked a mutual friend, Lizzy [name changed for confidentiality], to study with us. Unfortunately, she couldn't that day. So Renee and I studied together. And by studied together I mean studied the same thing sitting next to each other. We did this two or three times before Lizzywas actually able to join us. Each time I learned more sign, and we were actually able to communicate together.
Renee, Lizzy, and I studied together again last night. This time we really studied together, quizzing each other, and everything. For awhile I was wondering what the heck I was thinking trying to study history in a foreign language with two native speakers, but it worked out really well! I learned a lot of sign and a lot of history.
A little over halfway through our study session, we decided to take a break and go play BINGO. After the first round, Lizzy looked at me and said,
"If you want to help me interpret, that'd be great."
WHAT? Are you kidding me? It made more sense for me to interpret because I was sitting across from Renee and Lizzy was sitting next to her, making it harder to sign but still! So, I tried. I mean, how hard can it be to interpret Bingo, right? O 66. I 33. B 14. Relatively easy, right? Well, yes. Except that I didn't know any numbers above ten. So, I'm struggling through this Bingo game, apologizing for being a crappy interpreter. Renee said I wasn't that bad and she was helping me learn numbers like 12 and 13 (I missed those up EVERY TIME... haha).
Chief (the caller) announced this would be the last game and the president was paying $100 to the winner.
Phew, we're almost done! I thought.
Chief made a call and I hear Renee's voice,
"Bingo!" What?! Well, someone else across the way with a louder voice had screamed it almost simultaneously and Chief heard his scream before hers. We urged Renee to go up anyway (she said it first, in all honestly). The president decided to give all three winners $100!
So, my first interpreting experience and she wins $100! How cool is that? :-)
Once again, God's shoved me out of my comfort zone, but He hasn't forgotten about me. He's still right there! I love that about Him. :-D
Still learning to listen,
<>< Katie
"The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? " Psalm 118: 6
Last week when [my hard-of-hearing friend] Renee suggested we study together I was down right terrified. I've learned enough sign to hold my own in a short conversation and I like to watch conversations at dinner, but study together for multiple hours? And history? I don't even know the sign for the United States of America. Plus, Renee signs quite fast. Even if I could understand every fourth sign, what were the chances I could carry on a conversation with her and actually study? To help calm my nerves, I asked a mutual friend, Lizzy [name changed for confidentiality], to study with us. Unfortunately, she couldn't that day. So Renee and I studied together. And by studied together I mean studied the same thing sitting next to each other. We did this two or three times before Lizzywas actually able to join us. Each time I learned more sign, and we were actually able to communicate together.
Renee, Lizzy, and I studied together again last night. This time we really studied together, quizzing each other, and everything. For awhile I was wondering what the heck I was thinking trying to study history in a foreign language with two native speakers, but it worked out really well! I learned a lot of sign and a lot of history.
A little over halfway through our study session, we decided to take a break and go play BINGO. After the first round, Lizzy looked at me and said,
"If you want to help me interpret, that'd be great."
WHAT? Are you kidding me? It made more sense for me to interpret because I was sitting across from Renee and Lizzy was sitting next to her, making it harder to sign but still! So, I tried. I mean, how hard can it be to interpret Bingo, right? O 66. I 33. B 14. Relatively easy, right? Well, yes. Except that I didn't know any numbers above ten. So, I'm struggling through this Bingo game, apologizing for being a crappy interpreter. Renee said I wasn't that bad and she was helping me learn numbers like 12 and 13 (I missed those up EVERY TIME... haha).
Chief (the caller) announced this would be the last game and the president was paying $100 to the winner.
Phew, we're almost done! I thought.
Chief made a call and I hear Renee's voice,
"Bingo!" What?! Well, someone else across the way with a louder voice had screamed it almost simultaneously and Chief heard his scream before hers. We urged Renee to go up anyway (she said it first, in all honestly). The president decided to give all three winners $100!
So, my first interpreting experience and she wins $100! How cool is that? :-)
Once again, God's shoved me out of my comfort zone, but He hasn't forgotten about me. He's still right there! I love that about Him. :-D
Still learning to listen,
<>< Katie
"The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? " Psalm 118: 6
Thursday, May 1, 2008
One Volunteer Hour Closer to Graduation
Our small group has been planning these afternoon volunteer trips to the nursing home near our school. Honestly, the elderly are out of my comfort zone so I've opted not to go. I was talking to Laura about it the other day and she ran the guilt trip, "It's a really good way to give back." Yes, I know, but that doesn't mean I like it! There are other ways to give back then just working with the elderly! Well... needless to say, she finally got me to come.
As Laura and I were walking to her car I said a quick prayer in my head,
"Lord, You know this isn't my favorite thing to do but bless this time. Make this trip worth my while, and, please, if at all possible, don't push me too far out of my comfort zone. Amen." Short and sweet. :-)
Laura and I met up with Natalie, who'd already been working there for awhile. We ran around the building playing "Marco Polo" looking for her. Just kidding, but only a little... Laura and I did walk in circles for a good five minutes (You'd think we'd have learned from the river adventure... not so much).
We found Natalie and the festival we were supposed to be helping out with had just finished. The lady was unsure what exactly to have us do and finally she said,
"Well, I have a job for you, but it involves a lot of writing."
Natalie admitted that was fine and she got us settled. She had us working on some paperwork that didn't really involve A LOT of writing. Either way, when she handed us those pens, I knew God had heard (and answered) my prayer. He understood I wasn't comfortable with the elderly so He found another job we could do and still give back the community. How great is our God? :-D Just because He forces us outside of our comfort zones doesn't mean He deserts us there. He walks us through every step of the way (and sometimes we have to walk in the same place more than once, right, Laura?). He won't give you more than you can handle (like some little old lady you can't understand with her heavy drawl).
I'm glad sacrificed part of an afternoon when I could have (should have) been studying. I'm also glad I got to play with pens all afternoon instead of people. My efforts were worthwhile, I am now one hour closer to graduation, and I stepped out of my comfort zone. (Ok, I feel like a certain gym teacher talking about comfort zones... I'm done now).
Yes, I will confess God has spoken to me in an unusual fashion: elderly and pens.
This is my God moment for the week. :-)
<>< Katie
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27
As Laura and I were walking to her car I said a quick prayer in my head,
"Lord, You know this isn't my favorite thing to do but bless this time. Make this trip worth my while, and, please, if at all possible, don't push me too far out of my comfort zone. Amen." Short and sweet. :-)
Laura and I met up with Natalie, who'd already been working there for awhile. We ran around the building playing "Marco Polo" looking for her. Just kidding, but only a little... Laura and I did walk in circles for a good five minutes (You'd think we'd have learned from the river adventure... not so much).
We found Natalie and the festival we were supposed to be helping out with had just finished. The lady was unsure what exactly to have us do and finally she said,
"Well, I have a job for you, but it involves a lot of writing."
Natalie admitted that was fine and she got us settled. She had us working on some paperwork that didn't really involve A LOT of writing. Either way, when she handed us those pens, I knew God had heard (and answered) my prayer. He understood I wasn't comfortable with the elderly so He found another job we could do and still give back the community. How great is our God? :-D Just because He forces us outside of our comfort zones doesn't mean He deserts us there. He walks us through every step of the way (and sometimes we have to walk in the same place more than once, right, Laura?). He won't give you more than you can handle (like some little old lady you can't understand with her heavy drawl).
I'm glad sacrificed part of an afternoon when I could have (should have) been studying. I'm also glad I got to play with pens all afternoon instead of people. My efforts were worthwhile, I am now one hour closer to graduation, and I stepped out of my comfort zone. (Ok, I feel like a certain gym teacher talking about comfort zones... I'm done now).
Yes, I will confess God has spoken to me in an unusual fashion: elderly and pens.
This is my God moment for the week. :-)
<>< Katie
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27
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