Being Called

Our conversation was brief. Just long enough to drive from the coffee shop back to her dorm.

She spoke about how she was studying for a test in her missiology class. We spoke about Compassion. I mentioned that I'm a writer. She said she feels called by God to open an orphanage in a specific African country.

I wanted to practice asking questions. Why that specific country? What did her call look like? Why start an orphanage rather than work for an existing one? For once I had no shortage of questions.

We did have a shortage of time. So I packed my questions away to save for a future opportunity.

As I drove home I wondered what it would be like to have such a clear calling on my life. To know--at the start of my college career or earlier--what I wanted to do for God's kingdom. I figured it must be nice.

I'm just a writer with a degree and no idea where God's calling her to step next. I was jealous of her and admired her all at the same time. I wanted my own clear calling.

I saw her again two day later. Before I could pour out my question box, she mentioned that maybe she wasn't interested in that specific country. She'd heard some terrifying things that had happened there. Part of me wanted to tell her not to give up her dreams. The other part of me breathed a sigh of relief.

She's just like me: some clue of what to do but no idea what it will actually look like once she gets there. She didn't get a jet-stream message from the Lord. Her confidence was as thin as mine when I said I was a writer.

True, I am a writer. A freelance writer. A ghostwriter. A professional writer. An underpaid/underemployed writer. A blog-writer. I didn't say all of that. I just said, "Writer." It sounds better that way.

True, she's studying missiology (the study of missions) because she's got a heart for missions. True she wants to care for orphans. True she loves Compassion as much as I do. Maybe true she'll start her own orphanage and maybe true it'll be in that specific African country. But who knows.

God does.

And right now, He's not telling.

For either of us.

<>< Katie

Remember Brazil

A few months ago I was felling extremely discouraged.  I had gotten a gut-wrenching rejection for a job I was passionate about at my own alma mater.  I was hosting a pity party.

In the midst of my tears, God whispered, "Remember, Brazil."

Last fall, I applied for a mission trip to Brazil.  I researched the city, borrowed a Portuguese Bible, began fund raising, and prayed for our trip.

All of the sudden, our team's planning came to a screeching hault.

Airline tickets and a Brazilian Visa put a stop to our trip.  It might be an understatement to say our team was extremely discouraged.  Truth be told, I cried at the team meeting when we decided Brazil would not come to fruition.

Several team members jumped ship and pursued other mission opportunities.  No one blamed them.  Those of us who remained spent some time not knowing if we were going to even have a trip.  Never did the thought of changing trips cross my mind.  Never did the thought of not having a trip sink in.

God opened up another opportunity, and on short notice we began to prepare for different destination: Nicaragua.

One student who had not expressed interest in Brazil, applied to go to Nicaragua.  She wanted to practice her Spanish.  I have no doubt she was supposed to be on our trip.

Of all of us, she came home the most changed.  Even others noticed something different about her.  If we had gone to Brazil, this change would not have happened.  Today, her re-birth through baptism, would not have happened.  We went to Nicaragua for her.

We went to Nicaragua for Stephanie, our Nicaraguan interpreter.  After only a few days of traveling with us, Stephanie noticed something was different.  She recognized the Holy Spirit in us and wanted to be filled in the same way.  Right then and there she began a relationship with our Lord and Savior.  If we had been in Brazil, God would not have used us to reach Stephanie.

God rearranged our entire trip for those two daughters.  He changed the plans of thirty plus people in order to change the lives of two.

It's not every day that God rearranges plans for His glory.

Or is it?

A spilled cup of coffee gets you out of the house late to avoid a major traffic jam.

A rejection letter keeps you from a company going bankrupt.

A malfunctioning alarm clock kept you from being in the Twin Towers when they were hit.

God changes our plans for His glory.

Anytime I start to forget: I remember Brazil.

<>< Katie

PS: Everyone has a 9-11-01 story.  Mine is of a selfish seventh grader who just didn't want to be in class.  For a heart-piercing story, check out the blog of Meg Cabot, author of The Princess Diaries.  My heart and prayers are with those affected by the tragedy.  We will never forget.

God Could Vanish the Storm

As I'm sure you've seen on the news, Baptist Country has been pelted with storms over the last few weeks.

It seems every other day I see a facebook update from my sister (ten hours from here) that they're in the bathroom for another tornado warning.

Last week we were supposed to get really bad storms during the wee morning hours.  Unlike at my sister's college, my school doesn't have a good tornado plan.  That made me nervous.

I was checking the doppler to see what we should be expecting over night.  The storm covered the whole map.  It was more colorful than a sunset.  Yellow, red, green...

When I hit "play" to watch the storms roll over the bed where I wanted to be catching some zzzzz, something went wrong.  The entire storm vanished, leaving just the map.  The map was perfectly clear.

"I could do that, you know," God whispered in my ear.

I thought about it for about and realized how cool it would be if God did make the storm disappear.  He's done it before.

Later in the evening, I went out on the porch for some quiet time with God before I went to bed.  It was beautiful!  The pre-storm weather where the sky's getting dark and the wind is picking up, but there's no real storm yet.

When I came back later, Allyson and Nikki had two videos for me to watch.

Nikki's video was a terrifying video of one of the 150 tornadoes from the same storm.

Allyson's video was an updated doppler.  The green band of storms headed for our town had stopped moving.  The bands following it broke apart and dodged our town.  The first band disintegrated.  Nothing was going to hit us.

God had vanished our storm!

We got the beautiful pre-storm weather but no actual storm.  Sometimes I wish life were like that.  I'd be willing to take this beautiful pre-storm weather that is no real post-graduation plans as long as I knew that the actual storm of planlessness would vanish and a plan would appear. 

He could do that, you know.

And maybe He will.  But still I'm fretting.

I've seen God's faithfulness in the midst of storms.  Literal weather storms and figurative life storms.  Why am I having such a hard time trusting Him amidst this pre-storm chaos of a plan-less post graduation?

<>< Katie

PS: For some reason I do not understand, God decided against vanishing the storms elsewhere in the country.  Friends, our brothers and sisters are hurting.  Their worlds have, quite literally, been turned upside down.  There are organizations such as Samaritan's Purse on the ground helping to pick up the pieces; if you are able, please offer your help as well.  If you are not able, definitely be in prayer!

Anaconda Squeeze

It's very overwhelming for Nicaraguan places to be invaded by 26 Americans.  The first day, half of our team was going to the special needs school and the other half to an orphanage.  We had planned VBS-like activities.  My group was going to teach the story of Daniel and the lion's den with audience participation and a corresponding craft.

Flaw in the plan: a miscommunication with the orphanage meant we wouldn't be able to work there.  After some quick re-figuring, we found ourselves working with 5 and 6 year olds at a school.

Flaw in the plan: this was a public school.  That meant no talking about Jesus.  There were two sets of 80 kids each and we had no plan.

Yay for being flexible and thinking on our feet.

We got the first group to sit under the shade of a tree while we introduced ourselves, did some silly skits, and told them why we were in Nicaragua.  (We did slide Jesus in there briefly).

After that we let them play.  We tried to teach them Duck, Duck, Goose (Renamed Gato, Gato, Perro).  It didn't fly.  The soccer balls did.

Eventually recess was over, so "Neo" collected the balls and became a human jungle gym.

No matter how many times he said, "No," those two little boys wouldn't stop reaching for the balls.  I had the perfect distraction: a camera.

One kid became two, became four or five, became thirty... There are about 50 more photos that I want to post just to show you the cuteness of the crowd we drew.

I ran out of funny face ideas before they lost interest.  Instead, I started asking them questions in Spanish.

Katie: Are you having a good day?
Adorable Children: SI!
Katie: Do you like recess?
Adorable Children: SI!
Katie: Is it better than math?
Adorable Children: SI!

They loved every minute of it!  Every "Sí" was more energetic than the previous.

Eventually my other team members came up and introduced themselves, talked about why we were there, and did some skits.  I did all of our interpreting for that group which meant I had no idea what the next plan was and I didn't get thirty second water break during the switching of groups.  When we told them to stand up, they did.

I think it probably started with one child's desire to give me a hug.  As had happened previously, one child turned into two, turned into three or four, turned into fifty.

My very first Anaconda Squeeze!

I deserved to be trampled because I was the one who riled them up... but I loved every minute of it!

I relished that moment.  I tried to touch every child around me and told them all that I love them.  I wish I could have told them about Jesus and how much He loves them.

I also wish I would not have forgotten how to conjugate.  When there are fifty kids latched to your waist, it is almost impossible to stay upright.  But I couldn't find the words, "I'm falling."  I got "to fall," "I dropped it," and "he fell" but not "I'm falling."  I finally realized I was going down and there was nothing I could do about it but try not to crush kids in the process.

When I started to shrink, the rest of my team stopped taking pictures and realized I needed help.

Eventually, we got the 50 kids off of me and divided into groups.  Naturally, my group was the largest, and I still had no idea what we were doing.

As per Erin's suggestion, we started the Hokey Pokey.  In English.  Meaning what?  Katie's solo.

Right arm.
Left arm.
Right leg.
Left leg.
Head.
Stomach.
The kids were starting to get it, so I asked for body parts from them.
Hair.
Chin.
Right knee.
Left knee.
Eyebrows.
Forehead.
Teeth.

Three days of Hokey Pokey later and I was out of breath and thinking about what we were teaching these kids: the Hokey Pokey is what it's all about. 

We could tell these kids we were there because of Jesus but we couldn't tell them who Jesus is.  We couldn't tell them Jesus loves them.  We couldn't tell them about how great Jesus is.

It broke my heart to imagine these kids going home and having this conversation.
Mom: How was school today?
Child: Great!  We tackled some Americans at recess!
Mom: Why were there Americans at you school?
Child: I don't know.

We couldn't tell them about Jesus's love, but I can only hope and pray that we were able to show them the love of Christ through our actions and play time.  They definitely showed us what it mean to love like a child.

It also made me think about how often we have the opportunity to tell people about Jesus and we don't.  When we have the opportunity, we fail to seize it.  When we don't have the opportunity, we desire it.

What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?
But what if it's not? 
And what if we're missing opportunities to speak the Truth?
What if we were better about speaking love?

<>< Katie

The Painful Smile

Allyson and I were joking around when suddenly she stopped smiling and gripped the top of her head. The night before she'd gone to the ER for a head injury and came home five hours later with the hiccups. She explained that being hit on the head with a color guard flag made smiling a painful experience. Allyson smiles a lot, and to be able to not do it is... well... painful.

I can relate. I'm not really sure what I did but for two days freshman year it hurt to laugh. For two days I had a huge smile but I refused to laugh. You don't realize how often you laugh until you can't.

The world is not a fun place when smiles and laughter cause pain. It's miserable. Smiles and laughter are things God created for good and instead they were being used for evil.

How often does that happen? All too often.

Money, food, entertainment, and a million other things have been created for God's glory only to be tragically transformed by human wickedness. Instead of looking to others with love and self-sacrifice, we hoard for personal gain. Instead of honoring Him in what we watch, how we spend our money, and the words we use, we are frivolous and careless.

God created sex. (gasp!) It was a gift to man and woman to enjoy within the confines of marriage. Too often it's used in other scenarios making it less special. Less sacred. Less about God Himself.

God created me for a special purpose. Too often I disregard His plan and pursue my own. My words are full of hatred and grumpiness rather than compassion and grace. (gasp, again!)

No wonder the world is miserable. We're misusing His creation. The things He created for good we are using for evil. Of course it's causing pain. Our pain and His.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, let's reclaim the smile. The laughter. The finances. The sex. The entertainment. The word choice. Let's reclaim what it means to be a Christian by showing His love.

<>< Katie

Deep thoughts from Bejeweled Blitz

I am officially addicted to Bejeweled Blitz again.  It's a facebook game my mom introduced me to over Christmas break.  I intentionally never downloaded it onto my page because I knew I'd get addicted.  Instead, I was forced to play on hers meaning I needed her to log me in.  Yes, my mother was my enabler.  Over spring break, I discovered her password and no longer needed her assistance to Blitz.  However, I still had some self-control since it wasn't on my page.  As soon as the semester was over, I downloaded the stupid game to my page and have been playing daily since.

If you're not familiar with this addicting game, an 8 by 8 box fills with jewels.  You've got a minute to flip them around one at a time to make lines of three jewels that are the same color.  Once three of the same color are together, they disappear.  If you get four, three disappear and the fourth turns into a flaming jewel.  Line the flaming jewel up with two more and all of the surrounding jewels explode.  There are other features, too, but I want to focus on the flaming jewel.

Since you've only got a minute, I'm always planning a few moves ahead of where I'm flipping.  Sometimes that means a flaming jewel appears and my moves disappear before I get there.  Of course, you get points for this in the game, but sometimes it's annoying.  Sometimes there are so many explosions you kind of sit there staring at the screen like, "When is it my turn to play?"

As I'm wasting hours one minute at a time I'm thinking about life.  A year from now I'll graduate college and I have no idea what I'm doing next.  That terrifies me.  Three years of college down and I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life.  Ok, well, I want to write, but what's the career path for that?  I haven't figured that out yet.  Right now I don't even know if I'm going to grad school (where?  to study what?) or going right into the workforce (in this economy?  doing what?).  I'm not tied to any part of the country but there are two states I call home.  I don't have any idea what I'm doing after I graduate, but as this year progresses I'll make plans for my future.  I'm a planner; this is what I do.

Maybe, like the jewels, my plans will explode and something else will replace them.  A lot of times, when the jewels change, better moves appear.  As my plans explode and change, maybe better opportunities will surface. 

I hate all of these unknowns and unexpected changes.  However, I realize I am not alone.  There's a whole facebook support group for those of us facing Blitz addictions.  And there's countless college students pensive about their futures.

I think Nikki said it best a few weeks ago when she said, "I'd just love for God to send me my MASH in the mail and be done with it."  Unfortunately, that letter hasn't come yet, so here I am still pondering and wondering as I flip jewels around and waste my life one minute at a time.

More so than normal, this post was written for my own mulling more than it was for anyone else.  If you were able to follow it and learned something, wonderful!  If not, I'm sorry you wasted your time.  Oh, and please don't tell me I have a year to figure out what I'm doing with the rest of my life.  I might smack you.  Fair warning.

<>< Katie

New Rule

"What did you do over break?" Ruth asked me on Friday night.

"Blogged, scrapbooked, blogged, wrote, blogged," I told her. I little while later I was telling her about my new blogger obession, and she laughed at me!

"You're right, you did blog all break!"

I can't help it. On Friday, I had a little while to check my email before class. I checked all of my email addresses, read blog updates (a lot of people updated on Friday, might I add), and still had a few minutes left before class.

I'm missing one, I thought to myself. There's some website I always check that I haven't checked yet this morning.

I thought about it for about thirty seconds before it dawned on me and I literally laughed out loud. In the library. I had not checked facebook!

With that said, I proclaim a new rule.

I know, "Too many rules; no more rules." My mom tells me that all of the time, but I think she will approve of this one.

No blogs before homework is completed for the next day.

This doesn't mean I can't check blogs during my class break on MWF but only AFTER I eat breakfast. Learned that lesson last week... ask my ASL class about my noisy estómago. :-)

However, I cannot read blogs in my apartment until after I've done my homework (or at least a significant amount it). Otherwise we have weekends like this one.

What did I do this weekend?

Friday: blogged, chilled at the northern harbor, and wrote (very productive)
Saturday: blogged, scrapbooked, and went out to dinner (wonderful social time)
Sunday: church, blogged, had dinner in, and went bowling (Disappointed with myself)

Do you see a lot of homework being done here? I don't. I see a lot of blogging. :-)

Don't get me wrong, I loved my weekend, and I'm slowly getting better regarding my recent blogger obsession, but it's still the first thing I want to do everyday.

No blogs until after I've done my reading. Sorry, yall.

<>< Katie

Deaf-Blind Ref

"I'm blind; I'm deaf; I want to ref."

A sandwich board that isn't unusual in the sports community but is also incredibly derogatory. I've not talked to my blind or deaf friend about this, but I would venture to guess it could be offensive to them as well.

Yet, it is reality. No, I'm not saying refs are deaf-blind, although sometimes that appears to be the case. Rather, we're the ones who are blind and deaf and want to be the ref. We want to be in control of our game called life.

We're blind to God's ways.
We're deaf when He tell us His plan.
And we want control.

What is wrong with this picture?

Stop trying to control a game you are not qualified to control. I need to work on this, too.

<>< Katie

Happy birthday!

My grandpa turned 75 today! We were talking about "The Birthday Boy" doing something and he snickered. We changed it to Birthday Man. He still laughed and renamed himself, "The Birthday Geezer!"

One of my grandpa's favorite things to do has always been to jump up on a tree stump or any ledge, put his hands above his head, and say "For my next dive!" and pretend to dive into the water.

You know what it's like, to stand on the edge of a pool and contemplate jumping in or not. Standing there, raising your arms, ready to jump, everyone cheering you on... yet, you hesitate. Why? It's not like the water's going to disappear and you're going to crash into the bottom. It can't be that cold if your friends are already in.

God asks us to jump into His Plan. We're standing up there all ready to go, yet we hesitate. Can we trust Him? Does He know what He's doing? What if it's wrong? Trust Him! After all, He knows best! In the words of Steven Curtis Chapman, "I'm divin' in; I'm goin' deep. In over my head I want to be. Caught in the rush, lost in the flow, in over my head I want to go. The river's deep; the river's wide; the river's water is alive. So sink or swim I'm divin' in!"

Why just settle with diving in? Margarita with a Twist in! A family tradition, is the flip into the pool, popularly known as a Margarita with a Twist. Both of my grandparents, in their 70s, will still flip into the pool. Next weekend, went the whole family is over, we shall all flip into the pool together and it will be grand. :-)

<><>

"Shout with joy to God, all the earth! Sing the glory of His name; make His praise glorious! ... Come and see what God has done, how awesome His works in man's behalf! He turned the sea into dry land, they passed through the waters on foot—come, let us rejoice in Him." Psalm 66:1-2,5-6

"No misspellings found."
Why does that always make my day?

Happy birthday--late--Melissa! You will get a blog at some point, I promise!