Even though I'm not doing anything particularly strenuous during the day, I'm ready for bed by the end of it. The other night, I trudged back to my apartment sometime between 8:30 and 9. I was ready to take a shower, put on my pajamas, and chill for the next few hours. It was going to be great.
Then I remembered the prayer walk at 10pm. I took a shower and opted against walking around campus in my pajamas because they're really classy. I put on a "better," comfy outfit instead. My only non-pajama sweatpants are bright blue, and they match literally nothing. I call them my dentist pants because they look like scrubs. I didn't want to dirty another shirt, so I pulled on a brown wife-beater tank top. Ok, not runway attire but not bad for lounging around either. Until I put on my black Chacos and red pull-over polar fleece. Except at the prayer walk it was too hot for the polar fleece, so I tied it around my waist. Oh, and my hair was still wet from the shower. Maybe my pajamas would have been a better choice.
Honestly, I didn't really care. Or at least I didn't think I did. It was dark and people could only see my silhouette. However, the further we prayer walked the more annoyed with myself I became. Why did I have to bring the polar fleece? (Oh, yeah, I'm from the north were the temperature drops dramatically at night. I forget it doesn't do that here). Why did I buy/ why do I wear the dentist pants? Maybe some other shoes would have been a better choice. Why am I so awkwardly skinny?
It was in that awful self-loathing session that I realized I am comfortable in who I am.
Huh? Let me explain.
Even though I looked like a dope, I didn't run from a social event. In fact, I made jokes about wanting to return to the 90s and the drown rat look I was sporting. I can laugh at myself. I dropped my socks in the toilet for goodness sake!
As I was thinking about this I realized that in the days and months to come girls who have worse image problems than I do are going to walk these same sidewalks. My heart broke for them. What may be a love-sass for me might be devastating for them. I began to petition to the Lord to heal their insecurities, give them comfort, and show them acceptance. Let them see that they are beautiful on the inside and out. Let them feel loved.
I've said this before and I'll say it again: tell her she's beautiful.
"You are altogether beautiful, My love; there is no flaw in you."
- Song of Solomon 4:7
I love you all,