July 29, 2010
1 amDear Mr. Mosquito,
I understand you are hungry. I realize you, too, are God's creation and therefore you have a purpose in life. I think your purpose it to keep all of the good people at Off! employed. Were it not for you, they would be searching for other ways to feed their families.
Speaking of feeding families, we need to have a little chat. Shame on you, my male friend. You deserve to be smacked for even thinking about biting me in the place you did. You went exploring areas that should be left alone, and now I'm the one who has to resist the urge to scratch.
Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get some sleep, uninterrupted by buzzing and love bites. Why don't you pick on someone your own size? I do have an unfair advantage. Don't make me use it.
Love (to smash you),