Stable

I've been living out of my suitcase for two weeks as I job search. It's been two weeks of ups and downs. Of awkwardly cold-calling strangers and laughing until I can't breathe. Awful and great. Uncomfortable and easy. Yin and yang.

It makes me miss my favorite roller coasters: mission trips. If you've ever been on an international mission trip before, you probably know what I'm talking about. The ups and downs. The high highs and low lows. Encouraged, discouraged. Peaks and valleys. One minute of tears of joy; the next tears of sadness. You switch back and forth so many times in one day that you forget what it's like to be stable.

What is stable? Stable is somewhere in the middle. Somewhere I don't often find on mission trips. Stable is what we cling to in everyday life. Stable is comfort, contentment, conformity. Stable is lukewarm.

In Revelation 3, John transcribes what the Lord commands him to write to the church in Laodicea:

“To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:

'These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.'" Rev. 3:14-16 (italics mine)

It's like God is saying, "When you're on fire for Me, I can use that. When you're cold, I can use that, too. But when you're apathetic, when you're stable, I don't want you."

This passage isn't really talking about emotional roller coasters. But I think it applies here, too. When our hearts break for and with others, we connect as God's children. When we rejoice and celebrate, we exalt God and His goodness. It's when we're in the middle, stable, and comfortable that we're in the most dangerous position of all.

We don't want to change. We overlook the needs of others. We're too caught in our own ways to see matters worthy of praise. While I would love for the tears to stop coming so easily, I don't want to be stable. Not now, not ever.

I don't want to be comfortable and content. I want my heart to break for what breaks God's heart. I want to love the way Jesus loved--the least of these, the broken people, the forgotten. I want to live a life worthy of the calling I have received!

I do not ever want to be lukewarm!

<>< Katie

The Tennis Racket

"I carry more to class every day than I pack when I fly across the country."

It's true.  But last week Thursday when our campus minister Neal asked me to bring my suitcase to his office to help prepare for our upcoming mission trip, I protested.  I didn't want to walk fifteen minutes across campus with my suitcase.  I don't usually fly with a suitcase, and I definitely wasn't walking to class with a suitcase.

On Friday, when we were meeting as a mission team Neal said, "I heard some of you care too much about your pride to walk all the way to my office with a suitcase."

He didn't have to say, "'Some of you' means 'Katie.'"  I knew.  He knew.  In case Neal's subtle reminder to keep my pride in check wasn't enough, God took care of it. 

Monday my gym class made the mid-semester switch from badminton to tennis.  For the rest of the semester, I get to carry around a tennis racket all day twice a week.

Really, I'm ok with it because it means I get to play tennis twice a week, but after about... oh, fifteenth time answering the "Why do you have a tennis racket?" question, it gets a little old.

Has your pride made unexpected appearances today?

What is your "tennis racket" to carry around today to make sure the pride stays in check?

<>< Katie

Update: Neal weighed my backpack today... 25lbs.

Reunited

A long time ago I said if you all were nice to me I would post some fiction.  I haven't forgotten that promise but I have not fulfilled it either.  Until now.  Ta-da!  It's just a first draft (well, second if you count the version in my Writer's Notebook). Inspired by a couple I saw for ten seconds while people watching in the airport.  <>< K

Juggling a cranky toddler in one arm and an overfull diaper bag with the other, Samantha slowly made her way down the airport concourse.

"Sam."

His booming voice made her insides swell with excitement.  Had it really only been four days?  She felt like she had been gone for four years.  Even though she had not yet found Brad in the crowd, she knew they were close because Alexi squirmed more with every step Samantha took.  Finally Samantha saw him.  His big white smile, deep blue eyes, and shaggy brown hair.  She could get lost staring at him.

Alexi flew out of Samantha's arms and fell into her father's chest.  Samantha watched as Brad nuzzled his face into Alexi's hair.  If ever there had been a doubt regarding this father's love for his daughter, this moment eliminated it.

"Hey, Beautiful," he said to Samantha.  He stepped forward and kiss her on the forehead.  With his free arm he wrapped her into him.  Letting the diaper bag fall to the ground, she gripped his back with both hands and breathed in his scent.  She loved being held firmly in his embrace.

Alexi let out a giggle and leaped backwards, almost throwing herself to the ground.  Brad let go of his wife and shifted his attention back to the baby.  He entertained Alexi while Samantha claimed their stroller and large suitcase with a heavy tag, again she questioned if the trip had truly only been four days.  She reassembled the stroller and threw the diaper bag into the seat.  There would be no removing Alexi from her daddy's arms anytime in the near future; they both would protest if Samantha tried.

"Ready?"

Samantha nodded.  She pushed the stroller with her left hand and pulled the suitcase with her right.  The three of them headed out the door.  Samantha was ready to get home.  Ready to relax on her own couch, cuddle with her husband, and let him take care of the baby.  She didn't think he'd mind.

As they stepped into crosswalk, Brad switched Alexi to his right arm and reached for the suitcase with his left hand.  Samantha let him take the weight, but she did not remove her hand.  She wrapped her pinky around his and held on as they walked to the car.