The Most Holy Place

During Bible study one girl made the comment that she is always blown away by the tearing of the temple curtain. Another admitted she was unfamiliar with that aspect of the story of Jesus's death and resurrection.

In ancient Jewish temples, there were different areas where people were permitted or prohibited from traveling based on their religion, gender, and profession.

The Most Holy Place was the most-restrictive area of the temple where only the rabbi was allowed and only once a year on The Day of Atonement. This was so strict that when the rabbi entered The Most Holy Place to make the annual sacrifice, he was required to bathe himself, wear specific linen garments prior to entering and then remove them and re-bathe upon his departure.

The Most Holy Place was considered to be the very presence of God. (Leviticus 16)

When Christ breathed His final breath on the cross, the thick curtain separating The Most Holy Place from the rest of the tabernacle was torn into two.

"Then Jesus shouted out again, and He released His spirit. At that moment the curtain in the sanctuary of the Temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. The earth shook, rocks split apart, and tombs opened. The bodies of many godly men and women who had died were raised from the dead. They left the cemetery after Jesus’ resurrection, went into the holy city of Jerusalem, and appeared to many people." Matthew 27:50-53 NLT

"Then Jesus uttered another loud cry and breathed His last. And the curtain in the sanctuary of the Temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. When the Roman officer who stood facing Him saw how He had died, he exclaimed, 'This man truly was the Son of God!'” Mark 15:37-39 NLT

"By this time it was about noon, and darkness fell across the whole land until three o'clock. The light from the sun was gone. And suddenly, the curtain in the sanctuary of the Temple was torn down the middle. Then Jesus shouted, 'Father, I entrust My spirit into Your hands!' And with those words, He breathed His last breath." Luke 23:44-46 NLT

There's a lot going on. It's easy to miss. I mean, the Messiah is dead, hello! Roman soldiers are declaring Him the Son of God, saints are being raised, there's a huge earthquake, and it's dark in the middle of the afternoon. Who cares about some curtain way over in the temple tearing?

I do.

With the removal of the curtain, we are able to enter into the presence of the Lord. We are invited, welcomed, and encouraged go to before God directly. No longer do we need a mediator, a rabbi, a go-between.

As His beloved sons and daughters, we are ushered directly into the presence of our Abba Father. Our harsh words, our love, our fears, our praise, our frustrations are spoken straight to Him.

I tend to take this for granted. And today I am especially grateful for it. I am once again blown away by the significance of a temple curtain, an Old Testament regulation, ripped to shreds. For you. For me.

Excuse me now as I, a Gentile woman, enter into The Most Holy Place.

<>< Katie

Trust, Even in the Desert

Let's be honest for a minute: some days I don't want to read my Bible, don't want to pray, don't want to spend time with the Lord.

It was one of those days.  Even though I wasn't tired, I was ready to call it a night.  I just didn't feel like doing a devotion.

Grudgingly I threw my Bible on my bed and flipped to where I was reading in Nehemiah.  Chapter 9.  The same chapter the pastor used in his sermon on Sunday.  The same chapter we'd read in small group.  In two days I had gone from oblivious to practically an expert on Nehemiah 9; I didn't want to read it yet again.  I figured I'd skim it quickly and go to bed.  Wrong.

Here's what you need to know: my favorite Bible is held together by purple duct tape.  If you drop it, a tree of papers will fall out.  The margins notes are numerous.  It's in such rough shape that I rarely take it out of my room.  But it's in that Bible where all of my sermon notes have been transferred... since sixth grade.

I flipped to Nehemiah 9 and lo and behold sometime in the last ten years (excluding this past Sunday), I heard a sermon on Nehemiah 9.  It was at our student worship service a few years back.  It wasn't my favorite guest speaker and based on the date and when that would have fallen in the semester, I debated even going that night.  I'm glad I did.

In Nehemiah 9, the wall around Jerusalem has already been rebuilt.  The people have literally wept upon hearing (and understanding) the Law they have not kept.  Now they're confessing their sins and reminding God of how He's been faithful to them through the exodus, the desert, and into the promised land.

It's an exercise I have been encouraged to use myself.  Since we're being honest, post-college life is a bit (ok, a lot) like a desert.  My days are filled with job searching and rejections.  My support system in 900 miles away.  I have to constantly remind myself of God's faithfulness.  But, as He did not abandon the Israelites many thousand years ago, God has not abandoned me here.

Have I abandoned Him?  Not quite.  But some days I do my devotion grudgingly; I grit my teeth while praying.

The notes in my margins around Nehemiah 9 say:

How far ahead could they see?
1. Not very far due to the pillar
2. As far as they needed to see

"You're not ready for the Promised Land if you can't trust Him in the dessert."

Hum.

Nehemiah 9:21 says, "For forty years You sustained them in the desert; they lacked nothing, their clothes did not wear out nor did their feet become swollen."

I could make a list of things I lack here in the desert of unemployment.  But in Matthew 6, Jesus prays for daily bread not daily steak.  I have clothes sticking to on my back, I have a roof and ceiling fan over my head, and I have dinner on my plate.  It's definitely not ideal but it's satisfactory, at least for today.

And still, here I am annoyed that God said, "Not now" to graduate school, disappointed that my ideal job has not been dropped into my lap, and sad visiting my closest friends requires an airplane ticket.

How far ahead can I see?  Not very far.  But just far enough.  Not as far as I would like to see but just as far as God is willing to let me see... for now.  As difficult as it is to remember, He sees beyond the pillar.  He knows what comes next.  As I need to see it, He will reveal it to me.  Until then, will I trust Him in the desert?

God, I want to trust You in this desert.  But it's hard.  I am not ready for the Promised Land. Without Your grace and love, I will never be ready.  Prepare me for what lies ahead beyond my vision but not beyond Yours.  Let me focus on You and the pillar You have provided to lead me both by day and night.  I don't have to enjoy this desert, but I want to be found faithful through it.  Thank You for not abandoning me here.  I love You.  Amen.

<>< Katie

Thriving in Exile

"Take off anything you're wearing that has any value, monetary or sentimental," my small group leader Natalie announced.

The faces of six freshmen girls expressed confusion as we obediently began to remove necklaces, belts, and ear rings.

"Take off your jackets.  Your sweatshirts," she continued.  I'm sure if she could have stripped us down to our underwear, she would have just to prove her point.  She did once come to small group in a bathrobe to demonstrate Isaiah's walking around naked for three years (see Isaiah 20).

"We're going into Babylonian exile," she explained.
"Should we bring our Bibles?"
"Your what?"

She then led us out in a January icy drizzle while she played the role of the Babylonians and we were the Israelites.  When we began to shiver, she let us back inside.  Ironically, she accidentally tripped on the sidewalk symbolizing the fall of Babylon.

Looking through the Bible, there are a lot of people who experience exile.  Personally, I've never spent a significant amount of time being oppressed and exiled.  Unless you count being a Lutheran in Baptist Country.  They're usually nice to me if I keep my mouth shut about alcohol and original sin, but let's use it as an example.

I heard a speaker the other day talk about exile.

"The question is not 'Why are we in exile?' or 'How do we get out of exile?'" he explained.  "The question is, 'What is God up to in exile?'"

What is God up to in exile?

What is God up to in your life, wherever you may be?  Sometimes there are things God needs to do in your life that He can only do while you're in exile.

Some Biblical examples of exile show the strengthening of faith while being removed from that which is comfortable.  Here in Baptist Country I've been forced to contemplate and question why I believe in infant baptism, why I don't have a problem drinking wine, and that whole in-with-and-under thing (that I'm still working on).  Things I probably would have simply accepted forever had I not been sent here.

When Daniel experienced his exile (see Daniel 1), his name and the names of all of his friends were changed.   Daniel became Belteshazzar (please name your son that).  Hanniniah, Mishael, and Azariah became Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  Their Hebrew names celebrating God's faithfulness were replaced with pagan names.

My name too was changed.  My often mutilated three syllable last name has been axed to two letters.  A pagan name; a murder weapon.  Rack, Shack, and Benny let that one go.  As have I.  To some, I will forever be only Katie Ax.  I think I'm ok with that.  Like Rack, Shack, and Benny, I have to pick my battles.  I'd much rather people realize I'm still a Christian than know I have a whole last name.

God has done (and is doing) some cool things here in my exile.  He even pulled me through a near-hypodermic small group experience.

What's He doing in your exile?  What's He doing in your life right now?

<>< Katie

PS: If you know my whole last name... do NOT post it in the comments section or I will delete your comment.

Rediscovering a Favorite

Romans used to be my favorite book of the Bible.  Then I tried to teach it.  All.  In one semester.

Ever since then, I've kind of been scared of it.  Like my small group girls were going to leap out of the pages and call me a failure.

I've read Romans because I had to, but all in all I've tried to steer clear of it.

The other night, a verse popped into my head,

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12:2 NIV

I wanted to investigate something, so I reached for my Bible and flipped to Romans 12.  I started reading and nothing looked familiar.  Maybe I had the reference wrong?

No, I was reading the Message.  And I was loving it!  Words, phrases, and ideas I'd grazed over a million times were hitting me in a new way.  It was so powerful!

I read the chapter all the way through and immediately returned to verse one to read it again.  Words bounced off the page and into my heart.

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." - Romans 12:1-2 MSG

I know it didn't have anything to do with Eugene Peterson or the MSG, but it had everything to do with the Holy Spirit.  He used something different to get my attention.

And I liked it.  A lot.

TSD- Try Something Different

Excuse me, I have more passages to rediscover.

<>< Katie

What does that mean?

In my small group a few weeks ago we were struggling over Romans 10:5-9. We read the NIV and it didn't make any sense. So moved to the ESV. Silly me, I thought the "E" in ESV stood for "English." Clearly not because that doesn't make any sense. This passage made my brain hurt. We mulled over it for probably ten minutes before quiet Stephanie sitting across from me said, "I don't know if this will help or not, but I could read my translation." She read her NLT and suddenly the passage made sense!

Sitting right there in the middle of small group I had a God moment. God used that confusion moment (or confusion moments) to teach me about searching for answers.

How often do we search and search unable to find what we're looking for? We're confused, frustrated, and uncertain. We're crying out to him not understanding anything and then all of the sudden... BOOM! There is your answer! And low and behold, it had been right in front of you the whole time. If we'd have asked Stephanie to read her translation earlier, the passage would have made sense sooner but nooooo... we had to do our own thing and struggle with it on our own until she piped up and offered.

Pay attention to what's right in front of your face! Ask others for help in clarification. You don't have to do it on your own.

In Christ,
<>< Katie

Can't I Just...

My friend Danny updated his blog the other day with a post about how it's much easier to minister to people from the other side of the radio, podium, or cyberworld, than it is to sit down with people in person. I'd have to agree.

God has this tendency to make us a bit uncomfortable.

This year I became a small group leader for a wonderful group of girls. God literally shoved me out of my comfort zone and forced me to put down the pen and use my voice instead. Now, I have no problem talking. I love it, actually. But there are so many reasons I didn't want to talk in front of people: what if I tell them something that's not of God, what if I talk too fast (quite possible since apparently I'm "Telemundo in English"), what if I sound stupid, what if they don't understand what I'm trying to say. What if I make a fool of myself?

Well, I have made a fool of myself. (Although I'm not the one that thought she was really smart when she realized you had to be a Jew to be Jewish). :-D It happens. Just goes to show I'm human. But guess, what: God still loves me no matter how silly I sound (or look).

Like I've told my small group girls: I'd much rather write about God and how amazing He is because that's easy. He doesn't want me to only thank because it's easy. He's thrown my way out of my comfort zone, but He hasn't left me there.

Do we see a trend? How many times now have a blogged about God pushing me out of my comfort zone but not leaving me there? You'd think I'd have learned by now...

<>< Katie

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love that is in Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

Dinner

I had a very interesting dinner today, and I feel the need to share. :-)

At 5 o'clock, I headed towards the caf out of habit. I stopped in Laura and Becky's room (aka my other room). Laura wasn't there, and Becky was headed to Chic-fil-a. I was going to join her, but then realized I had to be back for CMU stuff, so I didn't go. I wandered to the caf figuring I'd meet up with someone or find some lonely person eating alone. I walk in, and see no one that fits that description. I got a plate of pasta and sat down by myself. I seriously knew NO ONE in the caf and no one was sitting by themselves... I really tried to be outgoing and it failed miserably!

I ate my pasta by myself and got a cookie. Really sitting alone wasn't that bad because I am an introvert and recharge by being by myself, and I was by the door so I got to greet people as they came in. I ate my cookie by myself and got a salad. I was a good majority of the way through my salad when my friend Xan came in and chewed me out for eating by myself. I told her I was almost done and it wasn't a big deal. Then my friend Annie came in a yelled at me for eating by myself. I told her I wasn't eating by myself, I was watching Monk, the news, and ESPN simultaneously. Then my friend Lauren came over and we chatting for awhile.

I had literally two bites left of my salad and Annie came back and forced me to her table. So I finished my salad, put my dishes up, and sat down with Annie and her friends. Annie was telling some story about how a church leader came up to her at the club fair today and invited her to his church. He asked her if she'd ever considered going to church which is really funny because Annie has Bible verses all over her dorm room and we met in small group last year. She finished the story and realized she hadn't prayed. She asked each of us individually if we'd already prayed and we all said yes. I told her I'd pray again with her. We teased around about who would pray and were just being silly. There was minimal praying getting done and my friend Tiffany walked up. I half-jokingly said, "Tiffany, will you pray with us?" She said sure and prayed for us. Then she walked away and Annie was like, "I really don't even know who that was."

I love Christ, sometimes the people He throws at me are just so amazing! The fact that some random person can just jump up and pray at dinner cracks me up!

In Christ,
<>< Katie

Assembly Line

We were working hard packing bags getting ready for the arrival of newcomers today! We set up an assembly line that didn't always work the best. One side worked faster than the other. Of course, the slower side ran out of materials more often. Plus, there was minimal transportation from the end of the line to the next section. Every time we got into a routine, it was broken in about four bags when someone felt their job was insignificant and felt their time would be better spent elsewhere. The removal of a single person from a ten-person assembly line really screws things up. Even if they just went to get more materials.

I'm glad we're not on God's assembly line where we're just shuffled haphazardly from one spot to another. Believe it or not, God doesn't just have a people assembly line when He creates us either. Each one of us is hand-crafted by God. We're not generic. God doesn't throw a handful of confidence, a little compassion, and, oops, forgot the charisma into our personalities. He creates each of us individually with specific amounts of everything to be exactly the way He wants us. Thus making each and every one of us different but none more loved than another.

In the words of the David Crowder*Band, "You make everything glorious, and I am Yours. What does that make me?"

My friends Laura and Natalie are on my heart and mind today because I saw Natalie and can't wait to see Laura on Monday! Laura is filled with compassion but sometimes lacks confidence in front of large groups of people. Natalie has no problem speaking in front of people but admits she often fails in the compassion department. (That's why the two of them made such a great team last year! I'm going to miss my small group! :-)) They're two very different people but both of them were hand-crafted by God. If I wanted to know how God can speak through just about anything, I'd ask Natalie. If I wanted to know how to help my hurting friend, Laura's my girl! Two different people, both Godly women. Both stupendous!

You are also hand crafted by God. How cool is that?

<>< Katie

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13

Purple Flowers

For some reason, every time I see purple flowers they make me think of my friend Chelsy. I don't know why, but they do. Every time I see them, they make me smile (because they're purple) and I say a quick prayer of Chelsy. That she's having a good day, that He helps her through whatever she's struggling with... whatever He puts on my heart. It's a nice pause from what I'm doing, too.

I still don't know why. Chelsy was in my small group freshman year, but we don't hang out all of the time. I've only talked to her once or twice since the summer has started, but purple flowers always make me think of her.

Do you have anything like that? I can't think of too many other inanimate objects that make me stop and pray for someone. I've started to stop and pray for Carrie when I see orange flowers, but I know that came from the purple flowers thing. Whenever I hear a Steven Curtis Chapman song, I stop and pray for his family since they're still struggling. That's a conscious decision, but the flowers were kind of spontaneous. I'm baffled as to why, but I know He knows and that's all that matters.

Those little reminders are nice and they give us a good break from the day. It's a good way to focus attention back on Him.

Have a great day. Stop and pray.

In Christ,
<>< Katie

"In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy" Philippians 1:4