Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Wacky Wednesday

Author's Note: The following is a collection of real quotations heard in conversation or taken from books over the last month. Some names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. <>< Katie

Jennifer: EEEEEKKK! We're going to Nepal!
Katie: No, we're not. We're going to McDonald's.

Grandma: Lord love a duck!

John Boy [to Susie Ann]: That was pretty good for a woman from the North.
Katie: Ouch!
Gavin: You just lost your ghostwriter.
John Boy: No! You aren't from the North.
Katie: I'm practically from Canada.
John Boy: North isn't a place you're from, it's a way you act. You don't act like you're from the North.
Katie: I'm more offended by that because you're telling me I'm untrue to my heritage.
John Boy: No, it's a good thing.
Katie: Just take your soda and go away.
John Boy: Soda! You are from the North.
Gavin: 'Round here we cal it Pepsi.

Mom [to an empty bench]: Why are you smoking?

Katie: You are a good driver.
Nikki: Thanks, that's really affirming to me.
Katie: I know. That's why I keep saying it.
Nikki: Katie saw me when I was in my panicky driver mode. Katie, even though I don't drive the interstate back from Melia's, I know how to do it now. Correctly.
Allyson: Wait. You drove in her panties?

Mara: Down South, they panic and buy bread if the weather gets cold. Up North, we panic, buy buns, and grill out if it gets warm.

[Airport gate kept changing]
Sasha: BINGO!
Mom: There's no "A" in Bingo!
Nikki: Josh Groban, he's like a dramatic singer.

Katie: People need to come up with new encouragement.
Amber: But you're beautiful. No, wait, that's the encouragement for the pregnant not the jobless.
[Go tell a pregnant woman she's beautiful. She probably hasn't been told today].

Katie: I'm trying to talk to Jesus right now.
Stephen: Oh! Sorry!
Katie: It's ok. He forgives you.
Stephen: Oh good.
Katie: I don't.
Stephen: You need to talk to Him a bit more.

Jett: Are you putting that tramp color [eyeliner] on Katie?

Katie: This looks like an EKG.
Amy: Is that a Bible translation?

[Ricky, Garret on the couch]
Rebekah: Man, you guys should eat chocolates together.
Katie: Are you trying to get my pen working?

Grandma: Who are you talking to now?
Katie: No one. I'm making fun of you on the internet. [Twitter]
Jett: Can't we text cute boys instead?

Annie: At some point in life you're going to be acquainted with Vicodin. It's going to be awful, but you'll have to do it.

Rebekah: Don't spill on the carpet or I'll cut your head off.
Jim: You know what? I'm sick of my head anyway.

Grandma: That hurted me.
Katie: [Pointing to my ears] That hurted me too!

"Never let a hurried lifestyle disturb the relationship of abiding in Him." -Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, Jan. 23

Jett: What smells like bacon?
Mom: My bacon.

Hunter: People from my church call me all the time and leave these long messages so my voicemail fills up after three or four messages. I know they are hurting and they can just say, "Pastor call me back." Instead they go into all these details and the cell phone isn't going to talk back anyway.

Katie: Anyone want anything?
Garret: Water. No ice. No ice!
Katie: Any particular color cup?
Garret: Green if you have it.
Katie: We only have pink.
Garret: Awe man! I don't know if I even want water anymore. Don't give me pink!

Rebekah: When I lift up the couch, look and see if there's anything there.
Katie: There's nothing there.
Rebekah: I have a really good grip. Look again.

Jennifer: I'm so done with homework. I wish I could just grind my teeth! [Beat] Don't quote that because it made no sense.

Jett: Chocolate helps everything.
Christina: Cheese always makes me feel sicker.
Jett: Cheese and chocolate are not the same thing.
Christina: They both have the "Ch" sound!
Mom: That's about it. Cherries. Chimmy chungas. Try those, too.

Stranger on the Street: Do you have your night-vision goggles on?
Katie: No.
SS: Good girl! [High five. Walking away] No wonder you're in college.

Katie: What should I draw? The verse talks about hospitality.
Amy: Hum... me?
Katie: I'll draw a sun.

Billy Bob: It was funny then. It just makes no sense now.
Katie: Well, I'll just laugh when you walk down the hall.
Billy Bob: [Excited] Would you!? Everyone else does! You'll be part of the crowd.

Jim: You can look up your "god" on the internet all you want, but I'm building a relationship with mine.

Mom: He [Hank the cat] has to keep an eye on you so you don't leave too.
Katie: He's using an eye-tooth rather than an eyeball.
Mom: Whatever works.

Rebekah: I'd rather sleep in Jim's bed than Wes's bed.
Katie: I'd rather sleep in neither.
Rebekah: Well, yes, that would be ideal.

Julie: I don't mind feet in the pool.
Katie: Everything's ok in the pool.
Ricky: Woah! Woah! Woah! That's not a rule of thumb.

Mom: This is what cabin-living is all about: pick up the furniture and move it where you want it.

Katie: Someone just knocked on the door.
Garret: It was Jesus. He's knocking on the door of your heart.
Katie: He's already got the key.
Garret: Maybe there's a deadbolt.
Katie: There are four, and He has those keys too.

Adam: People are like Tootsie Roll Pops, sometimes it takes a few tries to get to their soft center. This doesn't mean go around licking people! It means don't give up.

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