Thankful

It's hard.

It's hard to be thankful when you don't know when your next paycheck is coming (or from where). It's hard to be thankful when your best friends are 900 miles away. It's hard to be thankful when your office is the most central location of your parents' home, when your internal clock has no idea what time of the year it is, or when you don't have any idea what your calendar will look like even a month from now. It's hard to be thankful; it's easy to host a pity party.

Every once in awhile, I let the tears roll. They're good. They're healthy. But once they come, they're hard to stop.

Like Job, I speak bluntly and harshly to the Lord. While it's nice to get those feelings out on paper, it doesn't usually solve much. (Did I just say that out loud?) I still don't know what's next. I'm still playing pin the tail on the donkey.

And still even here, I have a lot to be thankful for. Did I not wake up this morning breathing and refreshed? When I rolled over and put my feet on the floor, did they not stay there and hold my weight? (No peanut gallery comments, please). Was there not toothpaste in the tube, toilet paper on the roll, and soap in the dispenser? Is there food in the pantry and hot water in the shower? Do I have a jacket, shoes, and gasoline?

Have I not people who love and care about me? People who encourage me and pour into me? Scripture tucked away in my heart? Is the Lord not in this limbo, this barren desert, this hideous time in between?

Life is hard. Yet still there is so much to be thankful for even if they're the small, simple things we tend to take for granted. Even if it's the tears and the angry words. Even if it's the promise, "I will be with you always to the very end of the age" (See Matthew 28).

Even if nothing else goes correctly, that one reason alone is enough to bring thanksgiving to my lips again and again.

<>< Katie

Flowers

Right now I'm participating in an online bookclub through Bloom (in)courage and we're reading What Women Fear by Angie Smith.

I've been reading the chapter in the book, watching the corresponding video, and participating in discussion. Yesterday was Chapter 7: Fear of Not Being Significant.

In the video, co-host Jessica Turner told a story she heard from a woman named Roseann.

Roseann's mentor, Miss Helen, had passed away and in visiting the gravesite, Roseann noticed her grave stone had cracked and there wasn't even a place to put flowers. Of course, she demanded the gravestone be fixed. As for the flowers, she realized that Miss Helen loved the Lord and she now has flowers all over the world.

I have recently started collecting/ taking photos of flowers around the world and sticking scripture on them with the intent to hang them in my bathroom (when I have a bathroom). I thought it was a cool idea to be reminded of God's truths but also of His people around the world.

But now it has become more than that. I want to love the Lord to the point where it shows no matter where I go. I want to leave a glimpse of the Father in myself as flowers around the world. As I collect international flowers, I also want to leave flowers for the Lord.

Blooming,
<>< Katie

Yet I still dare to HOPE

Well, the semester is winding down and the to-do list is still long.  I have things to say but no time to process them into a way that is coherent.  My apologies.  All of my coherent thoughts are going towards my thesis which is one page at a time progressing into something worth turning in.  With that said, here's a scripture I've been reading and rereading a lot lately.

"Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: the faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease.  Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.  I say to myself, 'The Lord is my inheritance; therefore I will hope in Him.'" Lamentations 3:21-24

I hope all is well with you, cyber friends. 
I'll have a longer, more coherent post for you on Wednesday or Thursday.

Please let me know how I can best pray for you!
<>< Katie

Isaiah 40

I helped host a youth lock-in this weekend concluding with a worship service on Sunday morning.

This year, I'm reading through the Bible and right now I'm in Isaiah. The passage for Friday night--ok, 3am on Saturday morning while I secluded myself for some time with God (and sleep) but could hear the youth wreaking havoc around the building--was Isaiah 40. "The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will no grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28b-31

I read that passage aloud to my friend Jeanie who was responsible for coming up with something for the Scripture reading on Sunday. She had already been contemplating those verses. We laughed about the "youth growing tired and weary" part. On Saturday night, I read the verses again, this time to Sarah and Jeanie. Sunday morning, Jeanie read Isaiah 40:28-31 for the Scripture reading in church.

Now, the original plan was that the youth pastor was going to do Sunday's sermon on a passage in Revelation. Well, the youth pastor had a family emergency and the senior pastor did the sermon. We had no contact with the senior pastor--other than repeatedly running past his office on Saturday--and he came up with his sermon without knowledge of our scripture reading. Both happened to be based in Isaiah 40. Different passages; same chapter. God's sense of humor.

After church, my host mother from the night before came up to me, "Did you have a dream about a Bible passage last night?" I hadn't that I could remember. Apparently I appeared in several peoples' dreams on Saturday night and in one I was dreaming about a Bible passage. Hum... You never really know what God is doing and He does still speak through dreams.

<>< Katie

The Lord, OUR GOD, is Holy.

Every January, my school this week of three nightly services and two morning services (normally we have one of each). This years' speakers were not my favorite, and I contemplated not going. I finally decided I'd go not because I like the messenger but because I love the One sending the message.

Well, I got lots of messages.
- God calls us to practice and teach. (Not just teach).
- In Matthew 7, Jesus basically says, "You're a dork."
- "Let your yeses be yes and your nos be no. And let your actions agree.
- We're not free because we have a hard time freeing ourselves from our past, people's expectations, and and our perceptions.

For tonight's service, a friend and I were asked to quote some scriptures and handed a page to memorize. Just the two of us. An entire page of Bible verses. In front of a plethora of people. Memorized. Microphone. The whole schebang.

Remember the little 5th grade girl who could hardly be heard in the first row of the stage much less the back? Yeah, she's gone. My friend and I were told that we wouldn't really need a microphone, but they wanted us to have one anyway. We both stood at least an arm's width away from the mic, so I don't even know how much of us it picked up.

Well, we got through it, and I only stumbled over one word. I couldn't properly pronounce the word "awesome" because my mouth wasn't working properly. That's it. The rest of it was there. Nice and slowly, too! But I can't take credit for any of it. There were times up on that stage where I had no idea what the next line was, but it came out.

Before the service, we prayed (like eight times). I prayed that God would be seen tonight tonight. I said if people saw David or Katie or Tara or Nathaniel or Matt then we'd failed. We'd all failed. It's not the messengers that need to be seen. It's the One sending the message. (That was my personal theme for this week). Well, when I finished I sat back down in the same seat I've sat in for the last three nights (the company has just changed over time).
"I had no idea I was sitting with a star," Sarah said. I smiled politely but the inside of me broke. That was exactly the opposite of what I'd prayed for.

God and I had a little discussion. I'm sure it's not the last time we'll have to have this chat. Truth be told, the only thing I did tonight is get my lazy butt out of the chair and let Him use me. It was terrifying, but it was so worth it.

I was talking to Sarah again afterwards and she said she was going to go fellowship. I told her I was leaving before fellowshipping (SHOCKER! That's something my church does well!) because I was didn't want to hear people tell me I did a good job. In all actuality, it was God who did a great job! (And I felt really corny saying that).

I'm not one to pull the "Statue of Liberty" or even a "Fork Lift"... I grew up in a church where we were lucky if we got more than the praise team clapping. There are probably three songs where my hands will go in the air. Our last song tonight was one of those. What better way to end a fantastic week but by singing:

I'll stand,
with arms high and heart abandoned.
In awe, of the One who gave it all.
I'll stand,
my soul, Lord, to You surrendered
all i am is Yours.

God is good,
<>< Katie

"Ascribe to the Lord the glory do to His name. Bring an offering and come before Him. Worship the Lord in the splendor of His holiness."