Thankful

It's hard.

It's hard to be thankful when you don't know when your next paycheck is coming (or from where). It's hard to be thankful when your best friends are 900 miles away. It's hard to be thankful when your office is the most central location of your parents' home, when your internal clock has no idea what time of the year it is, or when you don't have any idea what your calendar will look like even a month from now. It's hard to be thankful; it's easy to host a pity party.

Every once in awhile, I let the tears roll. They're good. They're healthy. But once they come, they're hard to stop.

Like Job, I speak bluntly and harshly to the Lord. While it's nice to get those feelings out on paper, it doesn't usually solve much. (Did I just say that out loud?) I still don't know what's next. I'm still playing pin the tail on the donkey.

And still even here, I have a lot to be thankful for. Did I not wake up this morning breathing and refreshed? When I rolled over and put my feet on the floor, did they not stay there and hold my weight? (No peanut gallery comments, please). Was there not toothpaste in the tube, toilet paper on the roll, and soap in the dispenser? Is there food in the pantry and hot water in the shower? Do I have a jacket, shoes, and gasoline?

Have I not people who love and care about me? People who encourage me and pour into me? Scripture tucked away in my heart? Is the Lord not in this limbo, this barren desert, this hideous time in between?

Life is hard. Yet still there is so much to be thankful for even if they're the small, simple things we tend to take for granted. Even if it's the tears and the angry words. Even if it's the promise, "I will be with you always to the very end of the age" (See Matthew 28).

Even if nothing else goes correctly, that one reason alone is enough to bring thanksgiving to my lips again and again.

<>< Katie

Listening in the Silence

I don't really know if this is blog-appropriate or not but I can't help but share God's sense of humor.

I am very bad at sitting and doing nothing.  Ask my roommates.  I'm always doing something, working on something, going somewhere, or refreshing some internet page.  I don't sit still.  I like to be busy.  The minute I'm done eating, I'm out of the caf.  As soon as there's a pause in the conversation, I excuse myself.  Even when going to bed at night, I focus on praying rather than my constant to-do list or the fictional characters running around in my head.  I like constant motion.

This whole unemployed thing brings constant motion to a screeching halt.

I am trying to use this opportunity to learn to sit in silence before the Lord.  Sit and be still (although, I still wiggle my toes).  Turn off the brain (harder than it sounds).  Don't write, don't read, don't do anything but listen.

The first afternoon I tried, I fell asleep.  I rarely nap during the day and I was sitting on the floor... Two hours later I woke up with a sore neck and no conversation with the Lord.

After dinner, I sat back down on my bedroom floor to try again.  I turned off the music.  Turned off the computer.  Silenced the phone.  Put away the notebook.  And sat in silence, listening for the quiet whispered.  This time I kept my eyes open.

Katie: Ok, God, I'm listening.

And what did I hear?

Someone farting in the bathroom on the other side of the wall.  Not just one.  My private, silent moment with the Lord was interrupted by someone elses' private, not-so-silent moment.

Katie: Wow, You're funny.

That's one of my favorite things to say to God.  A sarcastic, "Wow, You're funny."

Two lessons learned here:
1. God does have a sense of humor.
2. No sitting in silence in the bedroom.

But I'm going to keep trying to sit in silence, as soon as I find a fart-free location where I'm not at risk of falling asleep.

Learning to listen,
<>< Katie

Falling Asleep While Praying

Last night, I fell asleep while praying.

The night before, I fell asleep while praying.

I don't remember the night before that, but I bet I fell asleep while praying.

Been there?  Done that?

I used to fell bad about it.  I mean, if I were in the middle of the conversation and the person I was talking to fell asleep, I'd be upset, right?

I don't feel bad about it anymore.  In fact, I make it my goal to fall asleep while praying.

I'd much rather fall asleep with my thoughts focused on God than to finish praying and fall asleep worrying about tomorrow.  I love for my day to end in conversation with the Lord.

Try it sometime.  The peace that comes from it is... well, God-given.

<>< Katie
PS: But I don't fall asleep every time I pray...

"Two in the Bed and the Little One Said..."

Everyone was still over watching Glee one Thursday night last year, but I had a different agenda: avoid the sixteen people in the living room and get to bed.

I accomplished my mission and was ready to head into dream-world when the bedroom door opened, shining light into my dark room.  I thought it was my roommate.  Until I saw a head pop up at the foot of my bed.  I slept in a loft last year, just far enough away from the ceiling that I could sit straight up.  The only people that climbed up there were me and whoever was attached to the head at the foot of my bed.

The head became shoulders and she army crawled towards me.

"Katie," she hissed.  "Are you asleep?"

I considered faking it, but I could not stifle my laughter.

"I didn't get a good night hug."

Melia crawled all of the way up to the head of my bed, gave me a hug, crawled backwards, and tried to climb down the ladder.  The ladder was built for me, and I am literally eight inches taller than she is.

This started a long-standing joke about how Melia was going to sleepover one night and sleep in my bed.

"I get the wall," she always called.  If someone was falling six feet out of bed, it was going to have to be me.

Over the summer, we shared a double bed one night.  But there was no wall side.

Last weekend, we had three friends visit us, all of whom needed places to sleep.  Our futon folds down to sleep two, but the third was out of luck.

Katie: Melia can sleep with me.
Melia: Seriously?
Katie: As long as I get the wall.

My bed is only four feet off of the ground this year, but that's still not a fall I want to make.

On Sunday night, Melia and I jumped into my bed and were pleasantly surprised to discover we both fit.  We had an agreement.  If either one of us couldn't sleep, we were going to take a spare blanket and sleep on the loveseat.  No hurt feelings.

Jennifer: If you guys can't sleep, wake me up.  One of you can sleep in my bed, and I'll sleep on the floor."

Jennifer seriously can sleep anytime, anywhere.  There are nights I'm up working on homework with the light on, music playing, and paper shuffling when I look over and notice she is asleep.

Melia: Do you have enough space?
Katie: Yup.  Do you have enough pillow?
Melia: Yes.  If I get too hot, I'm just going to do what I did this summer and throw all of the covers on you.
Katie: Perfect!

In the morning, Melia and I compared notes.  We both slept well.  I wasn't cold, first time ever.  The only real challenge was rolling over, but I only got poked in the eye once.

Jennifer had different notes.  She got a horrible night's sleep.  Quite possibly because she was afraid she would wake one of us up if she rolled over.  Now that's selflessness!  To be afraid to roll over at night because one of the girls in the other bed might wake up.

<>< Katie

Sleepovers: College Style

Allyson said over the summer she'd get really homesick for our suite, so she would go through and read my old blogs about some of the crazy things we did. This post is really for Allyson, but if you want to read it, too, that's allowed.

Jennifer had finished doing her devotion, we had said good-night, and we were both in bed trying to fall asleep. Well, I was making a mental list of what hurts because I'm getting sick, and she was trying to plug in her phone. Either way, we were both headed to dreamland when the door burst open and light revealed a silhouette in the doorway.

“Jennifer!” Allyson whisper-shouted. “Jennifer!”

Allyson skipped into the dark room and jumped onto Jennifer’s bed. She had something important to tell Jennifer, but she forgot what it was. Instead we just sat there giggling. Shortly thereafter, Nikki ran into the room.

“FEET!” I shouted to remind her that I have them.

I’m still not really sure how this happened.  You need to know, my bed is waist high.  My waist, not Nikki's.  Normally she falls on it and it's really awkward and humorous to watch.  This time, I was in my bed and she somehow leaped onto the bed, dodged my feet, flipped over me, and positioned herself right up against the wall.

Amy heard our giggles and screaming and came to investigate. She hopped onto Jennifer’s bed and the three of them sat cross-legged while we told stories, teased each other, and laughed. It was kind of like a sleepover. Minus the sleep part, but does that really happen at sleepovers anyway?

Like all good things, this too came to an end. Nikki left first, followed by Allyson, but Amy stayed to tuck Jennifer and me in again. As she was closing the door, Jennifer and I let out child-like cries.

“Allyson! Allyson! You have to sing us a lullaby.”

She complied and allowed us to pick our song of choice. I said the first lullaby that popped into my head, “My Little Buck-a-roo.” Allyson stood in the middle of our room, invented the song and accompanying dance moves on the fly, and made us laugh so hard we had to use the restroom.

We got lost on the way back from the bathroom and ended up in Amy and Allyson’s room. Jennifer on Amy’s bed and me on Allyson’s. Nikki stood in the middle and told us a thrilling fairy tale about how Allyson is the keeper of the butterfly bodies because she is so pure. Thus begins the tradition of bedtime storytelling by Nikki Raye.

Before the end of year we will each have individual stories by the lovely and talented Nikki Raye. Each will be told orally, recorded, drawn, and published for Amy to someday use in her classroom. The stories completed are: Allyson, Queen of the Butterflies and Nikki, The Lovely and Vicious Princess Finds her Prince (told by Katie and starring Jennifer and Amy).  Mine will probably be a horror story that will not be appropriate for young audiences...

After a knocking-through-the-walls rendition of "Jingle Bells" we were all in our respective beds and ready for a good, long night of z-catching.  Shockingly most of us still managed eight hours of sleep.  Elizabeth was jealous she missed this camaraderie.

<>< Katie

Two Thoughts

I was walking back to my apartment under an overcast but dry sky yesterday afternoon when I noticed ripples in the lake. It wasn't raining where I was but it was raining over the lake. It was weird. It's kind of as if God was quoting TobyMac and saying, "If it's got to start somewhere, why not here?"

What's got to start somewhere in your life?  Why not here?

Really think about it.

Have you thought long and hard?

Ok, then how about a Blast from the Past funny story?
From the time I was two until I was about ten we had some great neighbors.  Without a doubt the best neighbors we've ever had.  Late at night after my sister and I fell asleep, they'd set up the baby monitor and go to the neighbors'.  If it was positioned correctly in the window of my back bedroom the signal would reach to the back window and hot tub two doors down.  Probably not the safest thing to do since we were little and asleep, but we were in a good neighborhood, and we knew Mom and Dad and two houses worth of great neighbors were just a shout away.  Well, one night in the dead of winter they were all sitting in the hot tub and they heard some suspicious noise on the baby monitor.  In his swim trunks Dad flew out of the hot tub and ran barefoot through the snow home where he found three sleeping girls and an undistrubed house.  He said the run home wasn't bad but the walk back was frigid.

<>< Katie

Dreamer

My sister sent me a message that said, "Look, it's you!" Along with the link to an article about a man who screams bizarre statements while sleeping.

Yes, I do talk in my sleep. However, unlike the man in the article, I don't have a wife (or husband or roommate) to write down my weird night-time quotes. While I do record the dreams I remember in the morning, I will not be putting a tape recorder in my bedroom at night. Instead, I'll be forever doomed to remember my classic line, "NO, DADDY, I DON'T WANNA WEAR THOSE PANTS!"

I've got a wide variety of dreams. Some of them very creative like the dream about turning into a shoe (that's going to become a short story for class). Sometimes they make me nervous. The dream about taking a long fall off of a pier and into a field of cat tails made me nervous because I sleep on the top bunk... But I was relieved to wake up still in bed! I have learned that if I'm having a nightmare/ super weird dream, I'm probably cold. Well, I'm almost always cold no matter how many layers I wear and our air conditioned apartment isn't helping. Thus, I've had a lot of weird dreams lately.

I firmly believe God still speaks through dreams and the other night he caught my attention again.

The other night I had this dream where my "uncle" had gone blind. At first we were all fed up with his new loss of sight because he was running everywhere without a real care. However, eventually we accepted it.

When I woke up, I thought some more about it. Just because he lost his sight doesn't mean he was living his life in fear. If I lost my sight, I'd be scared to move, but he was flying everywhere, not afraid to fall. Without sight, he had no fear.

Without sight of Gods' plans, do you have fear? Are you willing to fall? Are you willing to fail? Are you willing to be lifted up again?

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."
2 Timothy 5:7 (emphasis mine)

<>< Katie

Forgiven

Last night, seventeen of us went out to dinner. Of course, with a group that size you need four cars, and somehow I ended up in the Deep Theological Conversation Car. I should have guess that by noticing the four men in the jeep with me, but I didn't mind.

"Ok, what kind of cool thoughts has anyone had about God lately? Let's start there," Keith said nonchalantly.

For the next hour or so we discussed forgiveness. One of the many conclusions we finally drew was that forgiveness is more for the forgiving than the forgiven. Forgiveness also doesn't mean what the other person did was right. Forgiveness does not make the sin acceptable. Rather, forgiveness is admitting, "Yes, what you did was wrong, but I've decided to put in the the past and move on. I wish you well."

This conclusion became important at dinner. Trey tried to throw an empty sugar wrapper at Matthew and missed, hitting me in the face. Me getting hit in the face is actually incredibly common. I narrowly avoided being hit in the head with a bowling ball tonight. I'm actually kind f sad it didn't hit me because that may be the only sports ball that has never collided with my face at some point in my life. Sometimes I really wonder if there is a magnetic field connecting my nose to anything being thrown.

Through laughter and tears, I told Trey I forgave him. I wasn't saying hitting me in the face was ok, but I was willing to move past it and be friends with Trey again. I wish Trey well.


While I was home for break, our church service times changed and no one bothered to tell the college students. Of course, we all showed up this morning and realized there was 45 minutes before the service started. Emily figured Matt told us. Matt thought we were on the email list. Really, it came down to John who completely forgot to mention it to us.

"I'll forgive Emily and Matt; it wasn't their responsibility. But I won't forgive John," Amber said, kind of in jest. "Ok, I'll forgive him, but not until after I tease him for it."

One of the things we pondered last night: is it ok to tell someone you forgive them if they don't know they wronged you? We concluded: no, you're shoving it in their face. Your sole motive is to hurt them back. That's wrong.

John came over and apologized. We teased about it for awhile. And then expressed forgiveness. We admitted what John did (or didn't do) was wrong, but opted to move on and wish him well instead of holding a grudge against John. After all, what had it hurt us? We lost forty-five minutes of precious sleep but that's it. No real harm done. Yes, Kevin, no real harm done; it was only 45 minutes.

Find it within you to forgive someone today. That doesn't make what he/she did right. It makes you willing to move on and wish that person well.

<>< Katie

Book Buying with a Writer

"What do you want to do today?" Dad asks me every morning (or afternoon) when I get up. Everyday all week the answer has been the same,
"Sleep!"
"You've already done that; it's noon-thirty. What else do you want to do today?"
"Nothing!"
"That's what you did yesterday."

He's bored and therefore is objective is to annoy the rest of us, but he's right. As I look at my yesterday, my day before yesterday, my everyday since Christmas I realize I haven't done much. I read The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition and that's about it. I've read some blogs, written some blogs, played a few million games of Bejeweled Blitz, whooped butt in Bananagrams, scrapbooked a bit, and that's really about it. I'm not ok with that. I decided I have this time, so I should work on the story. Well, since I have this time the characters don't want to play with me. I've also found when I'm blogging regularly I obtain my "writing fix" without even opening a Word doc. That's a problem.

Umpteen years of writer's block has taught me to read when I want to write. Problem: there's nothing here I want to read. Sure, just within arm's reach I can grab four different books with bookmarks less than 100 pages in and almost a million more I've never read. Yet none of them seem appealing at the moment. I need to do something with my days, and I need to read more.

"One of these days I should go to Barnes and Noble," I said aloud to myself. Then I decided: why wait? Go right now. Instead of waiting for a car, I hopped in our minivan and tooled down the road. I don't like driving the van but nothing gets between a girl and her books!

As I was on my way out the door Dad asked where I was going. He's bored, and I was the only one home. When I told him he asked for how long. My response didn't please him. "Until I'm done kinking my neck to read book title sideways."
"You're just going to walk up and down the aisles until you find something you want to read?"
"Exactly."
"Then I'm definitely not going!"
Good because you weren't invited. Going to B&N alone is something I love. It started freshman year of college when I didn't have a car on campus. I always went shopping with people. Yes, Wal-mart by yourself can be lame, but it's also refreshing to wander the aisles alone and at your leisure. I'm not allowed to go to Wal-mart when I'm home, so I always try to make at least one trip to Barnes and Noble by myself.

"I have my phone but don't call me. I'll be home when I'm done," I announce as I depart.
"What if we need the car?" It's a legitimate concern because we have four and a half drivers and three cars.
"If Dad can hog a car sitting in the parking structure at work untouched all day five days a week I can hog one for a few hours."
No, you can't even go to the mall while I'm at the bookstore because when you're done I have to be done. I want the freedom to be on my own time.

Call me rude but if I run in to people I know while at B&N, our conversations are exceptionally brief. I'm on a mission and I cannot be distracted. However, sometimes I have to pause to people watch.
"Can you just point me to my section?" an annoyed father asked his wife. Their grade school daughter stood in between them.
"This is the adult section," the girl says waving her hands. "All of these books are for adults."
I didn't hear how his wife responded, but he apparently was not satisfied.
"You mean I have to walk around and read every sign to find what I'm looking for?"
Yes, sir. That is exactly what I do.

I wander through the bookstore searching for something to read. For an English major, I'm not very well-read, so I investigate the classics. Nope. No Dickens of Shakespeare for Katie, please. I peruse the 1/2 off books. Since I don't know what I want how marvelous would it be to find it to be on sale? No luck. I sneak to the back corner where my B&N keeps the Christian books. I already have all of those Max Lucado books. They're out of Francine Rivers, and I don't love Karen Kinsbury's grammar.

Without fail I always find my hands on a writing book. Today I laughed at myself when I picked up the first one and quickly put it back. Not even five minutes later I picked up a second one. Realized I'd flipped them both open at random and they both fell open to sections dealing with rejection. That's not something I handle well, so I figured it was a message from God and am now the owner of A Novel Idea. :-)

After this it's the purposeless roaming. I think about books I've heard other people are reading. I recognize authors' names and check out their other books. I remember I've had professors encourage me to read more non-fiction, so I try to come home with at least one non-fiction book (usually this goal fails miserably). Really, though, I'm looking for a novel, and my B&N doesn't have a creative nonfiction section. I want something good to get lost in during these cold winter days as I fight cabin fever.

After that, I do exactly what every child is told never to do: I judge books by their covers. If I like the cover (or title or whatever) I pick up the book and read the back. If there's no synopsis on the back of the jacket I usually put it back down. If the synopsis sounds interesting, I fan the book open. Does it look like a book I could read? Laugh if you want but I almost stopped reading The Five Love Languages because the page number was really close to the edge of the page and I was afraid it was going to get cut off. I also scan for words; books littered with swears will not be enjoyed. For me, sex doesn't sell. No dark, no dirty.

My last stop before hitting the check-out counter is the investigate the teenage section. I didn't discover this section until I was a little too big. I always figured the teen section was for... well... teenagers. Not sheltered twelve or thirteen year old me. I read Harry Potter and Princess Diaries throughout most of my teenage years (this could explain why I'm not very well-read). Oh, well.

Few people enjoy going to bookstores with writers. Thanks for going there with me today (but not literally because I really just want to be there alone).

<>< Katie

Isaiah 40

I helped host a youth lock-in this weekend concluding with a worship service on Sunday morning.

This year, I'm reading through the Bible and right now I'm in Isaiah. The passage for Friday night--ok, 3am on Saturday morning while I secluded myself for some time with God (and sleep) but could hear the youth wreaking havoc around the building--was Isaiah 40. "The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will no grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28b-31

I read that passage aloud to my friend Jeanie who was responsible for coming up with something for the Scripture reading on Sunday. She had already been contemplating those verses. We laughed about the "youth growing tired and weary" part. On Saturday night, I read the verses again, this time to Sarah and Jeanie. Sunday morning, Jeanie read Isaiah 40:28-31 for the Scripture reading in church.

Now, the original plan was that the youth pastor was going to do Sunday's sermon on a passage in Revelation. Well, the youth pastor had a family emergency and the senior pastor did the sermon. We had no contact with the senior pastor--other than repeatedly running past his office on Saturday--and he came up with his sermon without knowledge of our scripture reading. Both happened to be based in Isaiah 40. Different passages; same chapter. God's sense of humor.

After church, my host mother from the night before came up to me, "Did you have a dream about a Bible passage last night?" I hadn't that I could remember. Apparently I appeared in several peoples' dreams on Saturday night and in one I was dreaming about a Bible passage. Hum... You never really know what God is doing and He does still speak through dreams.

<>< Katie

Brokenness, It's What You've Got From Me

Faithfulness,
Faithfulness
It's what I long for.
Faithfulness,
it's what I need.
Faithfulness,
It's what You want from me.

Holiness
Holiness
It's what I long for.
Holiness,
it's what I need.
Holiness,
It's what You want from me.

Brokenness,
Brokenness,
It's what I long for.
Brokenness,
it's what I need.
Brokenness,
It's what You want from me.

How often do we add our own verses?

Sleeplessness,
Sleeplessness,
It's what I long for.
Sleeplessness,
It's what I need.
Sleeplessness,
It's what You want from me.

Loneliness,
Loneliness,
It's what I long for.
Loneliness,
It's what I need.
Loneliness,
It's what You want from me.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's sing the bridge instead

So take my heart and form it
Take my mind, transform it.
Take my will, conform it.
To Yours, to Yours, oh, Lord

We're only a few weeks into the semester and I'm already burnt out. As I look at what I'm doing as for extra circulars: they're all for Him. Most of them are Campus Ministries organizations. I'm quickly learning I can't participate in everything I want to participate in or I will probably die. I'd do better to listen faithfully to Him. THEN hear and obey the answers He gives, not the answers I want!

Oh, if only it were that easy!

In Christ,
<>< Katie

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ: He is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come." 1 Corinthians 5:17

(Add that to the board in the youth room... that was from memory! :-))

Thank for the Noise

Yesterday was my first day to sleep in since the 9th and I took a full opportunity to do it! It would have worked a whole lot better if it weren't move-in day for returning students. Yeah, the brilliant architects who made this building forgot about insulation. I'm not kidding. There are some bullet-sized holes in the wall where we can literally see through into our neighbors' room. So, yesterday I awoke to the banging of desks against the wall, the slamming of drawers, and the building of bunk beds. What a perfect way to start the day. :-)

As luck would have it, I ended the day in the exact same fashion. As I lay there in bed praying midnight would come and visitation hours would end for their male friends with big booming voices would be forced to return home, the air conditioner turned on. That was all God needed to do to get my attention.

You see, my friend Kaitlyn (who I blogged about a few weeks ago) is so sensitive that she can't tolerate ANY noise. The noise of the air conditioner is too loud.

Thank You, God, that I can tolerate a certain level of noise.

Thank You God for the ability to hear.
Even if I'm unintentionally eves dropping.

Take a minute and thank God for those things you often overlook or become annoyed with. The gurgling fridge. The ability to smell, even if it is the garbage. The ability to see, even if you see more than you want to. The ability to touch, too bad you got your fingers stuck together with glue. The ability to talk, even when those crude four-letter words slip out.

<>< Katie

"Pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18

So many memories, so many miles

Four blogs in three days. I must be sick. Actually, I am. :-)

My best friend Mary came over last night. I got home from work and had a splitting headache (remember, the sick part?) and wasn't thrilled about having to play hostess. I kind of vegged around the house and did nothing until about 8:30pm when my phone rang. Without looking at it or talking to her all day, I knew it was Mary, and I knew it was because of the construction. I answered the phone,
"The bridge is out. Sorry, I forgot to tell you."

When she got here, my headache kind of disappeared, and we played games all night long. Cribbage, Life, Scattergories, Stratego, Rack-O, etc. All classic Mary and Katie games. Surprisingly, this time we actually played by the rules and didn't make up our own rules. We've played Cribbage where if you don't want to throw into the crib you don't have to. If you don't like the letter rolled in Scattergories, you can roll again (ok, we did do that a few times, but, come on, how many pizza toppings, diseases, and Biblical women start with "K"?) Although, we still did some of our quirky traditions like naming our kids in Life as they came along...

I've known Mary since I was two. It's fun to hang out with someone like that who knows you soooooo well. We've teased that we aren't allowed to speak at each others' weddings because too many embarrassing stories will come out. Like the flair on facebook says, "We'd better stay friends forever because if we become enemies, we'll have too much blackmail." Even though Mary and I no longer have any common friends, experiences, or hobbies, we can still hold a multi-hour conversation. It's not one-sided. It's not "Oh, you weren't there for that." It's not "Do you know this person?". It's not awkward when the conversation finishes. A few minutes of silence is fine before the next conversation starts itself.

That's how things should be with Jesus. He shouldn't be awkward to talk to. He's always been there. He knows all of the same people. It should be an easy conversation. When the conversation ends, the silence of just being together should be nice before the next conversation begins.

When Mary got hungry while she was here, she didn't ask if I had any food. She'd help herself to the pantry and find food I didn't even know we had. If she wanted something to drink, she found a glass and filled it with ice. Let Jesus raid your pantry. Allow Him to fill your cup! "Have a Mary heart in a Martha world". Sorry, that was bad. See Luke 10. (Did that link really work? That'd make me uber happy if it did!)

After spending twenty-four hours with Mary, I would have expected myself to be sleep deprived. Shocking we were in bed, lights out, talking put on hold by 1 am. It's appalling because we normally try to stay up all night! Even though I got enough sleep, I have no voice. Too much talking (again, remember the sick part?). People here need to learn ASL because I hate not being able to communicate effectively. :-)

<>< Katie

"[Martha] had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. " Luke 10:39

God's Sense of Humor

Last night, I went to bed hearing thunder off in the distance. Before I fell asleep, the distance had gone and the storm was here. Torrential rains poured down on my house, lightening flashed, and thunder roared. I listened to the sounds of nature, praying they were a simple thunderstorm and no more. I contemplated checking the weather to see if tornadoes were anticipated. Tornadoes have a tendency to appear when least expected, and I expected them last night therefore there would not be any. After all, God is in control and if a tornado blows my house over, in His loving arms I'll be. This storm made me think back to one several years ago.

I was still in high school one evening when a storm rolled through. We'd eaten dinner but no schoolwork had been done when the power went out. Our power goes out quite frequently. It's created problems and since then we've put in a generator. However, the generator only powers certain rooms and appliances (the sub pumps, the refrigerator, the furnace, etc.). Needless to say, my bedroom and computer aren't on the generator. It was going to be incredibly difficult to get my homework done in a dark bedroom. It would be just as hard to get my homework done in the lighted kitchen where my sisters were panicking and the radio was blaring.

Frustrated due to my overload of work and inability to do it, I opted not to do any homework for the few hours we were without power and just sit and enjoy the storm. Grumbling and moaning about the lack of power, I sat on the couch in the front room and watched the lightening, listened to the thunder, and peered out into our eerie neighborhood sans electricity. The lightening was lame and when I whispered,
"God, this is a boring storm" a huge bold of lightening flashed and thunder cracked shaking the whole house. He would make a liar out of me! The lightening got much more interesting after that.

Finally, I stopped my complaining and began to thank God for the nice break from the world. How I needed it because I was feeling overworked, underpaid, and not appreciated (just a perk of being middle class and educated). If taking the power away was the only way He could get my attention, so be it. Thank You.

At that very moment, the power came back on and a floor light was shining brightly into my eyeballs. Wow, You're funny. Lesson learned.

<>< Katie

"The men were amazed and asked, 'What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him [Jesus]!'" Matthew 8:27

"Katie, I really need to find something else for you to do while I'm driving." - Rob

This weekend I went on a FOCUS trip with eight of my team members. We spent the entire weekend hanging out with middle and high school kids at a church about an hour from campus. We had a blast! (Well, except for that no sleep part... about that...)

On Saturday afternoon the youth all loaded their van and our team of eight piled into Rob's family's '91 Taurus. We were literally piled on top of each other... Three of us were shoved in the front seat where we each hardly had enough room to breathe. Liz was talking with her hands one time and almost hit Rob (our driver) in the head. If the car would have crashed, I would have taken a hockey stick to the appendix... As squished as we were, the people in the second seat had it much worse off. There were four of them squeezed to the point where they were sitting on top of each other. Gena's pet alligator, Pete, was poking Liz in the head, Tara's knees couldn't move, and Carrie had baby powder everywhere (Pete, the hockey stick, and the baby powder are another story for another time... don't ask... my FOCUS team is a bit... er... odd... er... AMAZING!).

We were told this would be a five minute drive, we didn't understand that by "five minutes" the youth leader meant "at least thirty minutes." I don't know how many of you have ridden with Rob behind the wheel and lived to tell the tale, but according to Natalie, "Rob driving is enough to get anyone praying!" We were all praying piled into this station wagon like sardines in a car... Rob had to floor the gas petal in order to get us to move a all. We were lucky not to rear-end anyone because they stopped too quickly... Honestly, I think if we'd have gone over a speed bump we would have lost some car parts because we were riding that low to the ground. The youth in the van were teasing us because we weren't keeping up with them, but really we were going as fast as we could! So, we're all terrified and piled in too close together; it's raining and we're not sure if we're going to make it out of the car alive... We realized in the trunk of the station wagon was our buddy Keith, who plays Jesus in every skit we do, was fast asleep. So there we were, terrified we were going to die and Jesus is in the back sleeping... Sound familiar?

It is safe to say we made it to our destination and back to the church without anyone dying, but there were some close calls!

<>< Katie

"A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion." Mark 4:37-38a