Silly String and Stonings

For my birthday, Melissa gave me the same thing she has given me every year for the past plethora of years: purple silly string. This year, it got opened in "God's front yard" aka the church coffee shop. Naturally, it was mere seconds before we were all covered with purple silly string. Christian was out of the room.

We saw him returning, and I hid around the corner, but he saw my shadow.  Suspicious but unaware of my dangerous weapon, he refused to enter.  After a short impasse, I ran out at him.

"Don't you--"

It was too late.  I, Katie Ax, have showered a pastor with purple silly string in the church atrium.  Of course, Christian wasn't going to let me get away that easily.  He nearly tackled me to usurp the silly string.  I've been in enough "fights" at church to know the woman's bathroom is no sanctuary (pun intended).  Besides, there was no way I was going to outrun him.  And this is still church even if it is Monday night.

Flight wasn't an option.  How do you fight silly string?  I went for the third, less famous option: fetal position.  I fell to the ground in hopes of taking the "tornado position," but I klunked my head on the floor (carpet-covered concrete, in case anyone was ever wondering).  I flailed around for a minute before resolving myself to the fetal position.  We were both laughing.

All of the sudden, Christian's face turned serious.  "And neither do I condemn you.  Go and sin no more."  And he walked away.

I know the relief I felt that minute was absolutely nothing compared to the relief the adulterous woman felt when Jesus told her the same words some two-thousand years ago.  You see, she faced something far worse than silly string.  She faced death by stoning.

We don't know a lot about her.  We know she was caught in adultery.  We don't know where the man is.  We know the Pharisees cared more about trapping Jesus than they did about this woman.  We know Jesus gave her life.

According to the law given by Moses, the punishment for unfaithfulness was death.

We know Jesus showed her mercy.

Mercy: God not giving you what you deserve.

We know know Jesus showed her forgiveness.

Forgiveness: Saying "Yes, what you did was wrong, but I'm going to put it behind us.  I wish you well."

We know Jesus gives us the same.

"And neither do I condemn you," He says.  "Go and sin no more."

And unlike Christian with my silly string, Christ will never seek retaliation.

<>< Katie

PS: Thanks for all of the birthday wishes.  Tuesday's post had a record number of comments: five.  :-)

Wet Willy

Growing up, when we went to a party my sisters and all of the other kids were always lost in a made up world somewhere else.  I, on the other hand, loved to sit at the table and listen to my parents and their friends tell stories and relive the Before Kids Days.  My favorites were the college stories, the post-college stories, and the ones from my dad's annual camping trips (the one that had to come to an end when he left my mom home alone with a one-month old very colicky baby who now enjoys telling these stories herself).  Of course, most of them involved alcohol... and extreme amounts of it.  Going to a dry school I thought/ was kind of sad I'd be missing these stories from my life.  Well, I'm not.  Mine just involve less (read "no") alcohol.

One thing I've never really understood is why my mom had the audacity to give Mark--a man she's not married to--a wet willy just for sassing her.  When I witnessed this first hand, boys still had coodies, and there was no way I would be getting anywhere near them much less close enough to stick my tongue in their ears.  Well, I now have friends who are male, and I discovered this weekend that it's only a matter of time before Nikki, Elizabeth, and Andy get hard core wet willies (no finger).

I was giving my goodnight hugs on Saturday night when Elizabeth and Andy were on the Platonic Loveseat being, well, not very platonic.  Instead of asking for goodnight hugs, I plunked myself down on the couch between them.  Half of me was on top of Andy and the other half on top of Elizabeth.  In about, oh, 1.5 seconds flat they flipped me on my back in the fetal position.  Amy and Jennifer watched this whole deal and said all they could see of me were my knees.  Not good!

"Watch my glasses!"
"Take them off!"
"No!  Then I'm consenting to this rough housing.  I don't consent!  I don't consent!"
"Ooooh!  Is she ticklish?!"
I am, but they didn't know that, and I sure as heck wasn't telling them.

Elizabeth and Andy decided the only thing to do to me in this situation was to lick me.  Are we not past this game yet!?  Elizabeth had the bottom half of my body in her lap, so she chose to lick the back of my right hand, not a big deal, I can wash that once I get free.  Andy had my upper half and opted for the top of my head.  I wasn't planning on showering before bed, thanks.

"I really want to lick her forehead," Elizabeth confessed.  It's kind of a long-term goal, and they had me in the proper position.  It was one of those "now or never" situations, and my goal was to make it a "never."

"Wouldn't that be awful?!  She could just watch your tongue coming the whole time!"

Yes, that would be awful.  I slapped my forearm to my forehead and held it tightly.  All of the sudden there was a firm grasp on my wrist as Andy gently but forcefully pulled my hand away from my face.  He's a "medical person;" he's done that before.  Not fair!  Elizabeth moved in for the kill but I beat her to the punch as my knees rapidly collided with my face.  Word of advice: don't do that on a regular basis.  A few more minutes of struggle and Elizabeth finally settled... her wet finger into my ear.  Much further into my ear than a finger should go, I might add.  I pushed her away with my feet and shoved Andy off of the couch.  No winding up before bed... de-rile, de-rile.

I don't know if our three-on-a-couch experience will stand the test of time and be placed among the great "college stories" in my repertoire, but I do know that at the next opportunity they both will be receiving true business wet willies, tongue meet ear style.

<>< Katie