I don't know what to write about today. I wrote a blog about smashing glass against the fire place, and I'm proud it as a writer but it doesn't have a point. I might post it anyway. I've toyed with the idea of explaining why my sister has two fish named Earwax but I think that's a "you had to be there" story and no quality of writing will do it justice. I could blog about Lyme disease since that's something that's become close to my heart and my aunt and uncle's dog was just diagnosed with it (missed by the first vet, big surprise there...). Or I could make reading this blog worth your time unlike the book I'm reading right now.
As of yesterday when I went to the bookstore, I am currently reading The Condition by Jennifer Haigh. Supposedly it's about a woman with Turner's Syndrome, a disease I did a case study on in 9th grade. Well, I'm 126 pages into it and I'm not quite sure what it's about. Way too many details about too many people. I understand explaining the lives of the five people in the family since they are all adults, but the lives of every person each individual has ever met is a little bit of overkill. Why am I reading this? I don't want you to ask the same about my blog. That is, assuming you're still reading. Is there anyone but Melissa here?
Since the story involves Bob you have to hear me like Bob hears everything I say: supersonic speed in a pitch so high only dogs can understand (I've been frequently told I'm "Telemundo in English").
A few weeks ago, I was the only attendee of HIGH SCHOOL Bible study. This isn't the first time this has happened, but in all previous instances I was still, well, the target audience. This particular week Bob had been prepared to teach on messianic prophesies as found in Zechariah (that's means everything in Zechariah the predicted Christ's coming). It was time to start and Bob looked around the room, "There's no one here," he announced.
"Am I no one?" I retorted.
"You know what meant," he said with a smile. Of course I did. I've only known Bob for seven years; that's enough time to know anyone's quirks (trust me, we both have plenty).
The two of us took a big step in our relationship and sat at the same bar table to investigate these passages. Even with both of our brains put together we could not wrap our minds around some of these passages. "But how does this predict Christ's coming?" "Are they talking about Christ here or not?" "Why do we insist this is Christ? This part came to fruition but not the rest of this." "What does this mean?" "The study Bible said THAT?"
Yeah, not a very educational but incredibly challenging. It was relaxing to wrestle with these ideas without a facade. Without either one of us needing the answers. Both of us were willing to admit we didn't understand.
"Maybe it's a good thing no one came today," he said at the end of our time.
"That's what I mean. You're probably the only one who's ok leaving with more questions than answers," he said and paused. "I feel like a failure."
"You're not," I assured him. He was right: I was ok leaving with more questions than answers.
"I'm a failure. You're a failure," he said with a laugh. Thanks for the support, Bob. :-)
Learn to be ok with questions. They don't all need to be answered but that should not stop you from asking them.
What does this mean?