Wacky Wednesday

The following of a collection of profound or ridiculous things heard in normal conversation (unless otherwise marked).  <>< Katie

Katie: Don't lick her foot.
Laura [The her]:  I feel breath on my toes!

"God is not someone who can be tacked on in our lives." - Francis Chan, Crazy Love, 96

Mom: What's your plan for tomorrow?
Katie [Sarcastically]: Let me check my calendar. Oh, look: it's blank.
Mom: Does that mean you have nothing going on tomorrow?
Katie: That's what a blank calendar means.
Mom: Not Dad's!

"That night I learned that God sees no barriers, even when I do.  God is ready to use me.  And when I focus on God instead of my mountain, He channels through me His grace and His power." - Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray, 81

Andy: Can I get a to-go box?
Elizabeth: Can I get a to-go cup?
Allyson: Can I get a to-go fork?

Laura: I feel old: I get to sign for mail.
Katie: Oh!  It's probably my passport and China Visa.
Christina: It says refrigerate after opening.
Katie: It's probably not my passport.

Katie: I blogged.
Mom: How can you blog?  It's Sunday.
Katie: I can blog whatever day I want!

"To gather with God's people in united adoration of the Father is as necessary to the Christian life as prayer." - Martin Luther

"Adoration is foreign to most people, and you will probably feel clumsy when you first try it.  As with anything you take up--a new sport, a new computer program, a new job--you have to stretch yourself and work at it to do well." - Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray, 67

Katie: Ultimate flour sock.
Laura: What's that?  You shove a sock in your flower?  Wait.

Dad: Have you... gone potty?

Adam: Can I get a fourth of a cup of lemonade?  Do you know what that means?  If I have a 400-page book, I want 100 pages read.
Katie: Oh, I got it!  By why wouldn't you want to read the other 300 pages?
Adam: I'm saving them for later.

Katie: What is this all about?  I haven't been to church yet.
Pastor Russ: You haven't been to church yet?!  Didn't you used to go to like three services?  If you commit to praying for the high school ministry once a week, you get to paint a tile.
Katie: I have to pray?  Once a week?!
Bob: You used to be like [high-pitched voice] "Yeah!  I love to pray!"

Mom: We have a giant rabbit in our car.  No, parking lot. No. We have a giant rabbit in our yard.

Katie: What was the ridiculous thing you said earlier that I didn't write now?
Mom: Nothing!  Everything I say is incredibly intelligent!

Evan: Are you ready to walk and not faint?
Katie: Yeah, and run and not get weary, too!
Allyson: I'm glad you got that because I definitely didn't.
[See Isaiah 43:30-31]

Katie: In Chinese the days of the week are a number and then the word 'day.'  Like Monday is one-day.
Mom: So Tuesday is Two-day?  [Laughing]
Katie: Yes, today is Two-day Tuesday.

Katie: What time is it?
Elizabeth: It's 11:99.

"As we begin to focus more on Christ, loving Him and others becomes more natural.  As long as we are pursuing Him, we are satisfied in Him." - Francis Chan, Crazy Love, 104

David: You never know with Rebekah.  You turn around and she's throwing your five year old dreams out the window!

Katie: What did you lose in my computer?
Mom: I lost nothing; I found my jammies in your computer!

[Facebook conversation]
Katie: Was I the only one who wanted to stand up and dance during "Our God" at church this morning?
April: Why didn't you?  I do.  Maybe even sign a little!
Katie: When we were finally invited to sing I did clap my hands and move a little... but only a little.  It is Lutheran church.
Brit: Katie, you heard this morning: we're liberal in practice but conservative in doctrine.  I believe hand-clapping falls under practice.
Katie: What about dancing?  Is that law or gospel?

"God is a worker who completes His works.  Where is there an instance of God's beginning any work and leaving it incomplete?  Show me once a world abandoned and thrown aside half-formed; show me a universe cast off from the Great Potter's wheel, with the design in outline, the clay half-hardened, and the form unshapely from incompleteness." - Charles Spurgeon

[Driving through a storm behind an airplane on a truck bed.]
Andy: That's why they're driving.  If they were flying I wonder if the plane would drag the truck behind it, too.

Dad: I didn't understand why you were yelling at the dog.
Katie: I wasn't yelling at the dog.  I was yelling at you.
Dad: Same thing.

Katie: Laura has a monopoly on all of the friends.  [Beat] Laura, what are you doing?  You're weird.  [Beat] How do you have all of the friends?
Mom: She's less weird than you are!

[Telephone Pictionary]
Girl, age 14: Is "sexy" a bad word?  I'll just use bodacious.  How do you spell bodacious? 
[The sentence] A bodacious angel wearing tight pants.

Katie: I'm trying not to sound like a dork in this email to Dr. T, and it's not working.
Elizabeth: Katie, it's Dr. T; he already knows you're a dork.

[Dad misbooked
Dad: Well, this is the dumbest, most embarrassing thing I've ever done.
Christina: No, it's not.  Remember that time you double-booked Katie on the airplane so she had to sit next to herself?
Katie: Or the time you knocked over the full luggage cart in the parking lot?

"You cannot be everything you want to be, but you can be everything God wants you to be." - Max Lucado

Katie: What's your favorite ice cream?
Boy, age 4: Tomato.
Katie: Tomato?  I've never had tomato ice cream.
Boy: NOOO!  Cookie dough!

[Bananagrams]
Mom: I wish I had a W to make dwarf.  No, I wish I had a D; I have four Ws.

Katie: VBS does a great job of reminding me that I love children but I made the right choice not to go into education.
Laura: Oh.  I'm the opposite.
Katie: You hate children and you're glad you're going into education?

Jackie, age 14: We need to all save up our money to buy a house and that way when you all die it can be mine.

Grandpa: What was that noise?
Katie: My fault.  I pushed against the table to push my chair back, but apparently I'm heavier than the table.
Mom: First time in her life!

Christina: For my CNA stuff it says I have to be able to lift 50 pounds.  How much is 50 pounds?  Daddy, come here!
Dad: I weigh more than 50 pounds!
Christina: Ok, Katie, come here!
Katie: I weigh more than 50 pounds, too!
Christina: Fifty-two is close enough.

Mom: Katie! Dad's new scale is busted! It told me I weigh 300 pounds!
Katie: Let me try it. How does it work?
Mom: It doesn't.
Katie: It told me I weigh zero pounds.
Mom: You can have some of mine.

"[B]eing on a God-guided adventure truly is living life on another level than merely competing for wealth and achievement and prizes and toys of this work." - Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray, 173

Christian: But I believe in the Trinity!
Melissa: And Pastor Russ doesn't?

Uncle Jay: I'm the alien bringing the hay!

Auntie Gwennie: Are you practicing your Cantonese or your Mandarin?
Katie: My Mandarin.
Auntie Gwennie: Bok choy!
Mom: No, that's a vegetable.

Christina: Look!  The moon!
Katie: I don't want to see anyone's moon!
Christina: God's showing us His moon.

Mom: Stop using my arm as a drumstick!

"Prayer is a way to turn dry theological descriptions into warm, living, personal realities.  When we live in constant communication with God, our needs are met, our faith increases, and our love expands." - Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray, 166

Mom: Do you want milk?
Uncle Bill: No, we have red milk. [wine]

Auntie Gwennie: "Open away from face."  What the--?  It's a coffee filter, for crying out loud!

Christina: What's she getting?
Joe: I'm a he!

Uncle Bill: I strike on Fourth Street.
Katie: Good thing there are only three streets in cribbage.

"The point of your life is to point to Him." - Francis Chan, Crazy Love, 44

April

Last summer, I helped with an inner-city VBS.  I was sitting at the table with several preteen boys.  I knew the family situation of these boys was not good.  Two of the boys were being removed from their home and put into foster care.  A different boy at the table was their cousin; he began trash-talking their parents.  The older of the two kids in foster care, naturally, became defensive of his parents and threatened violence against his cousin.

I've worked with kids a long time.  I can say, "I'm trained to handle that" to most situations, but this one was out of my expertise.  I tried to get the kid to apologize.  Fail.  I tried to "jump the shark" and change the subject.  Fail.  I had no idea what to do.  And I froze.

April came to my rescue.  She knew this family's story and how to handle these boys.  As soon as she had the situation under control, I excused myself from the table and moved to color with the little kids.  I'm much more comfortable with crayons.  It was during that week that I decided I wanted to be April when I grow up.

This week, I jokingly said, "God, I'd love to grow up to be April as long as I don't have to marry a guy like Christian."  April's husband is one of the leaders of my 20s ministry, and on Monday we played Jenga.  Until I accidentally knocked the tower into Christian's lap and he showered me with blocks.  Mind you, Christian is a pastor and we are at church.  We moved on to building with Jenga blocks where I used my right hand to build while using my left to knock Christian's hand away from destroying my creation.  Luckily, I learned a long time ago that sassing and vexing is a love language, and most of my friends think it's my primary love language.

I love Christian and April.  They're such a godly couple.  Sure, they don't always get long.  I've seen that, but I've also seen them both admit when they're wrong.  I've seen them willingly give of themselves to serve God's Kingdom.  I've seen them be used by Him.  I've only known Christian and April for a year or so, but I do know I need more people like them in my life.

Happy birthday, April.  I'm so glad you're coming home soon.  We both know it's not good for Christian to be home alone.  :-)

<>< Katie

Spring Break-ing

You know you're an out-of-state college student when you're hardly off the plane before being handed a list of appointments and interviews that fill your spring break. That's ok because once you wrestle with your two sisters for the one car you know these roads and can get to your destination without the GPS (named Goopus... it's "GPS" and "Doofus" combined). In fact, you know where the lanes end, the speed limit changes, and where the police officers hide.

One thing my family does together is watch House, MD. Dad and I started it, but my sisters have jumped on the bandwagon. I don't have time to watch during the semester, so I hadn't seen any episodes since I was home at Christmastime. One of the episodes we watched this week involved a woman who blogged literally everything. Even I'm not that bad! See, look. This is me sparing you every intricate detail of my spring break and summarizing it in ten highlights. (I'd also like to note that I don't actually post my blogs at 6:48am or whatever. I schedule their publication, so don't tell me my sleeping habits have changed so I can blog at 6am or something crazy like that...)

1. First and foremost, the term "spring break" is not at all what I have experienced. It's not a "break" when the first day you get to sleep in is the day before you go back.  It's not "spring" when you wake up that day to find three inches of snow on the ground. Don't get me wrong, we had some nice warm days, but silly me, I thought in spring the warm days were supposed to follow the snow not precede it.

2. Seeing my sister's college and eating the only pancakes and pasta for four days. The only person brave enough to venture from this strict diet found herself at urgent care with food poisoning. Oops.

3. Drinking ancient champagne with Christian in the church copy room. Don't worry, April was there, too.*

4. Some of our windows need to be replaced, so we're restaining the hardwood floor first... "if you give a mouse a cookie" style.

5. My first trip to the dentist in five years. It's really not that I have dentist-phobia but rather my mother has phone-call-making-phobia. I think it's a genetic condition.

6.Driving through the morning rush hour traffic for an internship interview at a downtown coffee shop.  However, it was an incredibly interesting, informative interview. The first of three that day.

7.My first pedicure ever. Enough said.

8. Translating at the food pantry and soup kitchen. A hard of hearing Hispanic woman told me (in English) that the first time she heard her family speaking Spanish she told them they sounded like a bunch of chickens. Love it!

9. Remembering that I live in a house where refrigerated black olives are guarded by rotten tomatoes and sometimes the toilet paper pukes cat food. Don't ask unless you really want to know!

10. Last but definitely not least was having the opportunity to read for fun! Gasp! What's that? Book review coming soon.

How was your break?
<>< Katie

* Christian's the pastor of an ancient inner-city church; April is his wife. No one knows where this champagne came from nor how old it is, so, no, we didn't actually drink it.