Showing posts with label Adam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adam. Show all posts

Monday, March 19, 2012

Jesus Worldwide: Canada

From Katie: Ministry looks different in every part of the world. This week my friend Adam's giving us a glimpse at what it looks like in Calgary, Canada. As always, if you have a story to tell or want to be interviewed, I'd love to hear from you. KatieAxelson[at]gmail[dot]com. Thanks! <>< Katie

The Missio Dei in Calgary, Alberta, Canada
The city of Calgary, with nearly 1.3 million people bursting the seams of the city limits into the limited remains of the “New West” and the “Final Frontier,” is a place of booming economics, industry, natural and civic beauty, and opportunities for just about everything you could imagine. For the last fifteen years, the population has been steadily growing at around 90 persons per day. This drastic growth, led by the powerful banking and oil industry, has provided ample amounts of prospects for other businesses, namely construction, food, education, and sports to flourish alongside of them.
With such wonderful prospects surrounding the city of Calgary, it is no wonder that so many people are flocking to it. There are numerous world renowned sports teams, several top-of-the-line university and technical schools, a diverse array of cultures, the world’s largest fair/rodeo (Stampede), the beautiful scenery, and notions of every season. Calgary has its own shopping marts, complete with doctors’ offices, schools, and sporting facilities in every newly developed neighborhood. It is the ideal location for aspiring young singles, newly forming families, established ones, or even the individual looking for a place to relax and retire. Simply put, Calgary is the perfect city and has everything—except hearts that are broken for the Lord.
Some of the most recent reports show that far less than 10 percent of all Calgarians are saved, professing the name of Jesus Christ and being actively involved with a local congregation. With the setting of Calgary, it is honestly easy to understand. As most communities provide individuals with all needed provisions, there just seems to be no place for the Christian church. Truth be told, there are more churches within just about any one single city’s church organization than in all of Canada combined. Being the case, Calgarians are forced to make long treks just to find a church, provided they even desire to go to one.
And it is not like a group can simply build a new church. One acre of land (just the land alone) is priced at just over $1 million within city limits. That, unfortunately, is something that many Christian groups just cannot afford. Being the case, a new initiative has begun—home groups and community church plants. We have discovered that we must bring the church to the people and portray to them the power and blessing of having Christ in their lives, not to mention the need for His salvation, redemption from sin, and restoration to the God who created them. Thus the struggle begins though, as most show no signs for need. They have the job; they have the money; they have all of the “things” they could want; they have the family; they have the friends; and they have the vacations. What more could they possibly want?
One group that has settled to face this act of service is Southtrails Network, a movement of church plants along the southern most expanses of Calgary. Their aim: to provide a church opportunity in each and every community throughout Calgary. Let it be known that this is first and foremost God’s work; something that He began, something that He is maintaining, and something that only He can fulfill. Let it be fully established that aside from the presence of the powerful Mormon Church, and a few spiritualist groups, no formal sense of religion is present. On the contrary, most Calgarians hold fast to a very post-modern and pluralist mindset, more than not desiring religion but truly being turned off by the notion of it. The slim few minorities that are seeking it are unfortunately quickly drawn into the Mormon Church, the only establishment that has the means to build a $2.5 million facility.
So, Southtrails Network begins their own initiative, going directly to the people and beginning their service of impact the city one family at a time. The basis of their service is community engagement, formulating relationships and building trust with any and all individuals. Be it as small a thing as always getting gas from the local station and getting to know the cashier, to working part-time at the community center, to hosting block parties and various camps, the aim in building these relationships is to relate to them the import of a relationship with Jesus Christ. It is a slow work, but it is a progressive one that is having colossal effects.
At the turn of the century when Southtrails first began its work in south Calgary, the availability was very limited. Individuals offering time of service where restricted to the back corners of community centers, only allowed to provide the blessing of yard work and painting. Though their efforts where much appreciated by the locals, the implications of having a church group on site created an out-of-sight out-of-mind mentality. The popular thought of the day was that “If we keep them in the back corners, hidden from anyone who may pass by, we can limit and control their effect.” Little did they know that God has already breaking the hearts of many.
As the years progressed, and as individuals were faithful in service and prayer, their impact began to grow. The groups that were once cutting limbs and weed-eating around the fence line slowly moved up to the foreground, volunteering as organizers and planners of large community events and even being allowed to host their own events. Before they knew it, Southtrails network was the leading force in the community. Everyone knew their simple red tee-shirts with the church logo on the front, and everyone trusted them.
This trust continued to grow as further events were held. Before too long, parents were bringing their children in flocks to the camps being hosted by Southtrails, completely comfortable with the leadership and governance of the church. Though not everyone knew of Southtrails, those that did quickly became advocates and supporters of their efforts, pushing new comers to register as early as possible for their events. It became apparent that even though no literal building was in place, the Christian church was being established and growing. It was not confined to the walls of a building on Sunday morning but had grown to reach the soccer fields, the tee-ball diamonds, and the local ice rinks.
Allow me to share one specific example of how this trust has grown. In 2005 a young family of four moved to south Calgary from England. With two little girls ages 3 and 5, the parents were quickly searching out ways to get involved in the community, and Southtrails provided just that opportunity. This family, definitely not one that would be considered Christian, did not come to church, did not attend a Bible study, never made a single mention of God, yet began attending every community event hosted by Southtrails. They, actually, grew to be the biggest supporters across the town. The impact did not stop their though.
During each of the camps, Southtrails’ leaders would present short “devotions” to the children and parents, typically focused around topics such as honestly, truth, love, forgiveness, etc. It was evident that these lessons were sticking as the parents would often return days later speaking of how, when a fight would break out in the house, it was the children who would step forward to provide guidance, a sense of wisdom and insight, and remind the parents of the lessons learned during camp. People may not have been showing up regularly on Sunday mornings, yet they were receiving the message of the Gospel, complete with examples from Scripture and prayers to go along.
The relationship with this British family grew to a paramount level. Still focused upon obtaining more money and possessions, never showing up at church, and definitely not bringing up direct conversations about God, they were nonetheless advocating and supporting every work of the church. Beyond this, the trust that they had with the church workers around their daughters grew too. It was not uncommon for them to use the church workers as babysitters, for the trust had been established. When a birthday would roll around, whom else but the church members would be invited. And when a long summer of camps would come to a close, this family would flood the houses of several church members, providing them with mounds of thank-you cards, personally drawn pictures and letters, baked goods, and enough hugs to keep you warm through the long winter months that Calgary has to offer. Again, it was evident that the church, not that which is held on Sunday mornings around a pulpit but one lived amongst the people, had been established. Community had been established, trust had been formed, and lives were being shared together—all in the name of Christ.
Never let it be forsaken the power that comes with community. Again, this British family may not have been attending church yet, and may not have even made a clear confession of faith, yet they were actively engaged in every conversation, were actively participating in every event, and were growing as a family unit. They had joined the efforts of the church, were openly advocating all of the efforts of Southtrails, and were even beginning to offer up their own service for the community.
In recognizing all of these blessings, the truth of Exodus 3:12 could not be more evident. Just as God promised Moses prior to the Israelites’ exodus from Egypt, so has God promised the people of south Calgary: “When you have brought the people out, you will serve and worship God on this mountain.” This movement of Southtrails Network is not only making an impact among the community, but is completely revitalizing the characteristics of what a Christian church is meant to be. At no point is it there for its own gain or glory but rather only exists to provide hope and guidance in a lost world, glorifying God the entire time.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Wacky Wednesday

The following of a collection of profound or ridiculous things heard in normal conversation (unless otherwise marked).  <>< Katie

Katie: Don't lick her foot.
Laura [The her]:  I feel breath on my toes!

"God is not someone who can be tacked on in our lives." - Francis Chan, Crazy Love, 96

Mom: What's your plan for tomorrow?
Katie [Sarcastically]: Let me check my calendar. Oh, look: it's blank.
Mom: Does that mean you have nothing going on tomorrow?
Katie: That's what a blank calendar means.
Mom: Not Dad's!

"That night I learned that God sees no barriers, even when I do.  God is ready to use me.  And when I focus on God instead of my mountain, He channels through me His grace and His power." - Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray, 81

Andy: Can I get a to-go box?
Elizabeth: Can I get a to-go cup?
Allyson: Can I get a to-go fork?

Laura: I feel old: I get to sign for mail.
Katie: Oh!  It's probably my passport and China Visa.
Christina: It says refrigerate after opening.
Katie: It's probably not my passport.

Katie: I blogged.
Mom: How can you blog?  It's Sunday.
Katie: I can blog whatever day I want!

"To gather with God's people in united adoration of the Father is as necessary to the Christian life as prayer." - Martin Luther

"Adoration is foreign to most people, and you will probably feel clumsy when you first try it.  As with anything you take up--a new sport, a new computer program, a new job--you have to stretch yourself and work at it to do well." - Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray, 67

Katie: Ultimate flour sock.
Laura: What's that?  You shove a sock in your flower?  Wait.

Dad: Have you... gone potty?

Adam: Can I get a fourth of a cup of lemonade?  Do you know what that means?  If I have a 400-page book, I want 100 pages read.
Katie: Oh, I got it!  By why wouldn't you want to read the other 300 pages?
Adam: I'm saving them for later.

Katie: What is this all about?  I haven't been to church yet.
Pastor Russ: You haven't been to church yet?!  Didn't you used to go to like three services?  If you commit to praying for the high school ministry once a week, you get to paint a tile.
Katie: I have to pray?  Once a week?!
Bob: You used to be like [high-pitched voice] "Yeah!  I love to pray!"

Mom: We have a giant rabbit in our car.  No, parking lot. No. We have a giant rabbit in our yard.

Katie: What was the ridiculous thing you said earlier that I didn't write now?
Mom: Nothing!  Everything I say is incredibly intelligent!

Evan: Are you ready to walk and not faint?
Katie: Yeah, and run and not get weary, too!
Allyson: I'm glad you got that because I definitely didn't.
[See Isaiah 43:30-31]

Katie: In Chinese the days of the week are a number and then the word 'day.'  Like Monday is one-day.
Mom: So Tuesday is Two-day?  [Laughing]
Katie: Yes, today is Two-day Tuesday.

Katie: What time is it?
Elizabeth: It's 11:99.

"As we begin to focus more on Christ, loving Him and others becomes more natural.  As long as we are pursuing Him, we are satisfied in Him." - Francis Chan, Crazy Love, 104

David: You never know with Rebekah.  You turn around and she's throwing your five year old dreams out the window!

Katie: What did you lose in my computer?
Mom: I lost nothing; I found my jammies in your computer!

[Facebook conversation]
Katie: Was I the only one who wanted to stand up and dance during "Our God" at church this morning?
April: Why didn't you?  I do.  Maybe even sign a little!
Katie: When we were finally invited to sing I did clap my hands and move a little... but only a little.  It is Lutheran church.
Brit: Katie, you heard this morning: we're liberal in practice but conservative in doctrine.  I believe hand-clapping falls under practice.
Katie: What about dancing?  Is that law or gospel?

"God is a worker who completes His works.  Where is there an instance of God's beginning any work and leaving it incomplete?  Show me once a world abandoned and thrown aside half-formed; show me a universe cast off from the Great Potter's wheel, with the design in outline, the clay half-hardened, and the form unshapely from incompleteness." - Charles Spurgeon

[Driving through a storm behind an airplane on a truck bed.]
Andy: That's why they're driving.  If they were flying I wonder if the plane would drag the truck behind it, too.

Dad: I didn't understand why you were yelling at the dog.
Katie: I wasn't yelling at the dog.  I was yelling at you.
Dad: Same thing.

Katie: Laura has a monopoly on all of the friends.  [Beat] Laura, what are you doing?  You're weird.  [Beat] How do you have all of the friends?
Mom: She's less weird than you are!

[Telephone Pictionary]
Girl, age 14: Is "sexy" a bad word?  I'll just use bodacious.  How do you spell bodacious
[The sentence] A bodacious angel wearing tight pants.

Katie: I'm trying not to sound like a dork in this email to Dr. T, and it's not working.
Elizabeth: Katie, it's Dr. T; he already knows you're a dork.

[Dad misbooked
Dad: Well, this is the dumbest, most embarrassing thing I've ever done.
Christina: No, it's not.  Remember that time you double-booked Katie on the airplane so she had to sit next to herself?
Katie: Or the time you knocked over the full luggage cart in the parking lot?

"You cannot be everything you want to be, but you can be everything God wants you to be." - Max Lucado

Katie: What's your favorite ice cream?
Boy, age 4: Tomato.
Katie: Tomato?  I've never had tomato ice cream.
Boy: NOOO!  Cookie dough!

[Bananagrams]
Mom: I wish I had a W to make dwarf.  No, I wish I had a D; I have four Ws.

Katie: VBS does a great job of reminding me that I love children but I made the right choice not to go into education.
Laura: Oh.  I'm the opposite.
Katie: You hate children and you're glad you're going into education?

Jackie, age 14: We need to all save up our money to buy a house and that way when you all die it can be mine.

Grandpa: What was that noise?
Katie: My fault.  I pushed against the table to push my chair back, but apparently I'm heavier than the table.
Mom: First time in her life!

Christina: For my CNA stuff it says I have to be able to lift 50 pounds.  How much is 50 pounds?  Daddy, come here!
Dad: I weigh more than 50 pounds!
Christina: Ok, Katie, come here!
Katie: I weigh more than 50 pounds, too!
Christina: Fifty-two is close enough.

Mom: Katie! Dad's new scale is busted! It told me I weigh 300 pounds!
Katie: Let me try it. How does it work?
Mom: It doesn't.
Katie: It told me I weigh zero pounds.
Mom: You can have some of mine.

"[B]eing on a God-guided adventure truly is living life on another level than merely competing for wealth and achievement and prizes and toys of this work." - Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray, 173

Christian: But I believe in the Trinity!
Melissa: And Pastor Russ doesn't?

Uncle Jay: I'm the alien bringing the hay!

Auntie Gwennie: Are you practicing your Cantonese or your Mandarin?
Katie: My Mandarin.
Auntie Gwennie: Bok choy!
Mom: No, that's a vegetable.

Christina: Look!  The moon!
Katie: I don't want to see anyone's moon!
Christina: God's showing us His moon.

Mom: Stop using my arm as a drumstick!

"Prayer is a way to turn dry theological descriptions into warm, living, personal realities.  When we live in constant communication with God, our needs are met, our faith increases, and our love expands." - Bill Hybels, Too Busy Not to Pray, 166

Mom: Do you want milk?
Uncle Bill: No, we have red milk. [wine]

Auntie Gwennie: "Open away from face."  What the--?  It's a coffee filter, for crying out loud!

Christina: What's she getting?
Joe: I'm a he!

Uncle Bill: I strike on Fourth Street.
Katie: Good thing there are only three streets in cribbage.

"The point of your life is to point to Him." - Francis Chan, Crazy Love, 44

Monday, August 23, 2010

Chopper One Sighting

One evening after dinner there was a knock on the door.  Most people just walk into our apartment, but if someone knocks those who don't live here often answer the door.  This time Nikki got it and standing outside was a middle-aged man.

Before I tell you about him, let me tell you about my apartment.  We're a brand new building that is still considered to be on campus, but we're out in the boonies.  A large parking lot separates us from the nearest building.  My front window view is a cliff with a road at the bottom of it and woods across the street.  More woods on our left, and behind us is a huge red field that will someday house more buildings but for now will be the home of our own Mud Fest.

The middle-aged men that darken our doorstep are our fathers and the maintenance men.  This particular man was neither.

"I'm the father of a girl in the apartment across the hall.  Do you have internet?  She doesn't either.  I just want to take a quick peak in the closet at your wireless hook-up."

Across the room and out of eye sight, I shot a "What the heck does he think he's doing?" look at Adam.

"We were told the internet can't be hooked up until the building is complete.  Even though we're living in it the building can't be officially declared complete until the cable company comes back," Nikki explained.

"You see, that's not true," he said.  "You guys can't live without internet."

If there was sarcasm in his voice, I did not hear it.  He also never gave his name, but Adam said he had a school employee ID.

If I was suspicious before, I was upset now.  My desire for internet was overpowered by my desire for that father to let his daughter go unplugged.  It was one night for goodness sake!  The rest of us had been internet-less for literally a week, and we were still alive.  Gasp! 

I'm glad I didn't answer the door.  I might have said something like this: Sir, if you work here, check it out in the morning.  Don't go around the building at night and explore the internet hook-up.  Don't teach your daughter that you can fix everything instantly.  She's 18 not 8!  (OK, I would not have really said that, but I thought it).

Honestly, my heart broke for her.  You see, I know what it's like to go to school where your parents work.  For nine years I shared a building with two student-sisters, a teacher-mother, and an administrator father.  It was not unusual for someone to see all five of us in one day.  Even now, I go back and nobody asks me what I'm doing.  They already know; Mom told them.

To the girl who I've not even met yet, I am sorry you chose a school where your parent(s) work.  I've been there.  I'm sorry you have a hovering Helicopter Parent.  I have two.  Come on over.  We'll swap stories.

Dear Mr. Creepy Man/Helicopter Father, thank you for trying to fix our internet.  We really do appreciate your (failed) effort.  Now, it's 9pm and your daughter's first night away at school.  Let her make some friends and enjoy herself without you here.  It's actually better if her computer doesn't work, so she's not in front of the screen all night long.  Oh, and, yes, we can live without internet.

Thank you for letting me rant.  As always, thoughts welcome.

<>< Katie

Sunday, April 25, 2010

What is Worship?

Saturday I woke up with a headache, cramps, and sore throat.  Some expired Tylenol took care of the first two but the sore throat is here to stay.  Sunday I woke up nauseous with a sore throat.  This is a fun game.  I managed to add another day to my no-puking stretch (2.5 years and counting; my record is 6 years) but by the time I made it to church I had a really good Scooby Doo voice.  Wonderful.  Normally when I get sick I can sing through loosing my voice.  With a hopeful heart I began to sing, "Everyone needs compass-squoak.  A love that's ----- let mercy fa-- on muheee."

God!  I'm trying to praise You here.  I'm worshipping YOU and You're taking away my ability to do that.  Something just doesn't seem right with this picture.  I'm giving You everything I've got.
The more I tried to sing, the worse my voice became (pity the people sitting next to me!) and the more frustrated I became.
Can't this wait until this afternoon?  I just want to sing praises to You.
It was as if God responded, Katie, you don't need a voice to worship Me.
Huh?
You heard Me: you don't need a voice to worship Me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.  Serve the least of these.  There aren't any least-of-theses around right now.  Yes, I'm listening to our sermon series on compassion.  I know, but right now I'm praising You with what's left of my voice.
Look around you.
On my left was Emma, a first year nursing student who'd previously been sitting by herself.
I'm sitting with Emma instead of sitting in my normal spot!
Good start.  Keep looking.
On my right was Kevin who'd dislocated his shoulder on Thursday.
Kevin can't drive for three to six weeks.  How do you think He got here?
Keep thinking.
Last night after dinner Chris and I went to Dairy Queen to get blizzards buy one get one for a quarter.  The line was literally to the door.  The team manager was having a rough day.  She made small blizzards instead of mediums, so she had to throw them away and start over.  Based on the look on her face, this was one of many things that had gone wrong.  A woman in front of us started chewing this employee out. 

"You've thrown away $30 worth of stuff.  I know you've had a bad day but you cannot let your customers see you like this.  I've worked in retail a LONG TIME and you CANNOT let your customers see you like this.  Did you notice?  They're all standing in line patiently waiting why you throw a fit..."

She went on for a very long time.  I don't understand how that was supposed to be beneficial for the employee.  Both of the women were wrong.  The woman behind us in line looked at the "angry woman" and said, "We all heard that."  I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe she was saying "shut up"... until she got to the front of the line and whispered to her daughter, "Make sure that employee doesn't spit in our blizzards." 

Chris and I both agreed this was "more awkward than 'The Office'" but neither one of us did anything about it.  Why?  We were scared the rest of the line was going to leap down our throats (maybe that would have healed my sore throat).  Back up: we were scared.  I wanted to give the employee a smile or wish her a good day but she never acknowledged my presence.  I would have had to go out of my way to wish this woman a good day and I chickened out.

My intentions were good.
Good intentions don't get you anywhere.  Picking up Kevin and sitting with Emma are good starts but neither one inconvenienced you.  In fact, they both mean you don't have to sit in the pew alone.
I like sitting in the pew by myself!
It's my turn to talk.  Put the towel on, Katie.  Not just when you're at an inner-city church.  Not just when you feel like it or it's convenient to you.  Do it when it benefits My Kingdom.  Clean the bathroom when it's not your turn and do it without complaining.  Do the dishes even though you didn't dirty them.  Give someone a ride to the caf because it's raining; don't see it as a waste of gas.  Take up someone's dishes when you aren't headed that way.  Give up a computer during your 10:00 blog-hour to let someone do homework.  Put the towel on and serve the least of these.  Touch the untouchables.  Worship means so much more than singing.
We've talked about this before.
We have; you needed a reminder today.
Ok, got it.  Can I have my voice back now?Nope.  You know ASL; use those signs.

<>< Katie-Doo

Elizabeth: Between Katie and Adam someone is always sneezing today.
Adam: Nah, I'm always sneezing; it's not just today.
Elizabeth: Well, you're doing it excessively, and I'd like you to stop.

Friday, March 5, 2010

To-do List

In February, sitting on my desk was a to-do list:
  • Email staff writers
  • Read for African American lit
  • Read Playboy of the Western World
  • Read Orchid of the Bayou
  • write poem
  • ILL for class (Inter-library Loan)
  • change oil in car
  • buy ink
  • pointless paperwork

I returned from class to learn my to-do list has been modified:

  • Harass Lizzie Poo about writing her articles
  • Get scoliosis from African American lit book
  • Read Playboy
  • Read about the woman who won't go blind in "Orchard" of the Bayou
  • blog a book review
  • write poems
  • be ill for class
  • clean the apartment
  • sanitize hands
  • blog about it
  • learn to play guitar (more than four chords)
  • blog
  • sanitize door knobs
  • eat cheese
  • blog
  • Wii (but not the skiing Wii)
  • Make cheese dip for sweet suitemates
  • Blog
  • Be mocked by Nikki

Thanks.

Actually, that last one has been crossed off... several times.

For two weeks we kept a sass chart known as "Mockery Madness." Every time someone sassed me they earned a point (except Andy who earned a drawing...). Sassing kind of became a game but we used golf-scoring meaning whoever had the lowest score won.

Our predictions were accurate: Nikki lost by a landslide and Jo won. Nicole didn't really earn her point until after the week was over, but we put it on there anyway since she's never here long enough to sass me. Melia avoided me for two weeks because she didn't want to be a smart alec on accident and get her name on the chart. Danielle earned all of her points in one night. Andy joined several days late and almost came in dead last. Even our campus minister, Neal, found his way on our sass chart. Unfortunately no one remembers what he said but we remembered it was really good and I threw a grape at him to retort.

After a few days we decided we needed a new category: physical sass. These points are exactly what they sound like: someone touched me for the sole purpose of being a vexation. Physical touch is valued in our apartment and hugs, back rubs, and new hairdos are welcome. On the other hand, being poked while trying to stand still on the Wii, being hit in the face with a goldfish (cracker), having my cell phone stolen, being assaulted with a bouncy ball, and being kicked in the back of my knee just so I fall over are not welcome.

I should be honest: we all pick on each other. However, I have a different accent and unique diction than the rest of my friends, so I'm an easy target. It's really not fair. Just because I can use words like "TYME machine" and "schluck" does not give you permission to mock me. :-) Oh, and I get mocked for sounding too northern so I throw in a "hey yall" and get mocked for sounding too southern. I just can't win!

It was during these two weeks of Mockery Madness that we decided mocking is a love language, at least in my life. Every person that sassed me did it because they love me. In fact, every single one of them took a moment throughout the week to also build me up and encourage me. Maybe the encouragement doesn't happen as frequently as the sass does, but that's ok as long as the both exist.

After all, if we're going to call each other brothers and sisters in Christ, we need to fight like brothers and sisters do. Make sure your sibling rivalries aren't one-sided. Build each other up in brotherly love, too. (Yes, I'm preaching to myself, Mom, I know).

<><>

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

How Katie "Broke" Elizabeth's Finger

My Melodramatic Life Part One: How Katie Broke Elizabeth's Finger

Elizabeth: We were getting out of the car, and Katie slammed the car door into my finger and MURDERED IT! See! It's gushing blood.
[Note the lack of blood]
Elizabeth: It's purple!
[Note the tan finger]
Elizabeth: I can't move my whole hand!
[she says waving to a friend]
Elizabeth: IT HURTS! [Wails in pain] I'm going to DIE!
Katie: Andy, would you look at Liz's finger please. Tell her how long she has to live!
Elizabeth: ANDY! Save ME! My finger is dead! Katie aggressively attacked it with the car door!
[Andy opens his EMS jacket, pulls out a bottle of ibuprofen, and places it ontop of the "purple" finger]
Andy: There you go.
Elizabeth: [Sigh of relief] That's better.
Andy: Now what happened?
Katie: She got in a fight with the car door.
Elizabeth: NO! Katie assulted me with Amy's car door! She slammed my finger into it and KILLED it! I'm dying!
Katie: We were fighting over shot-gun...
Andy: The two of you fighing over shot-gun? NEVER!
Katie: Yeah, well, I won for the first time in my life only because you weren't there to push me out of the way! Anyway, Liz isn't used to sitting in the backseat, so when she got out of the car she was a little too close...
Elizabeth: I was just excited to get here! I was running! And now it hurts! I'm DYING!
Katie: I opened the door and she slammed her finger into it.
Andy: So, Liz, you slammed into Amy's car door with your finger; Katie didn't slam the car door ON your finger.
Katie: Thank you!
Elizabeth: She MURDERED IT! Katie's a murderer! An Ax-murderer!
Amy: Katie, you have to walk back to our apartment because I need to take Elizabeth to the hospital. But not the close hospital, the far hospital because that's where Jo works and therefore it's the best.
Andy: I'll drive! I can get there real fast!
Katie: Yeah, in your car or in your ambulence?
Elizabeth: IT HURTS!! The medicine didn't help, Andy. Kiss it. That's what Katie did! Brad tried to kiss it, but he really just licked it. That didn't help! AHHH!!
Andy: Let me see.
Elizabeth: Don't TOUCH it!
Andy: How are you going to get better if no one can touch it?
Elizabeth: [moaning] I don't know.
Amy: We'll have to sign your cast.
Elizabeth: [Smile] Ok! [Viciously] But NOT Katie! Katie can't get anywhere near it!
Andy: They wouldn't put a cast on your finger. They'd splint it. I'm trained to handle that. If you broke your femur--which is very dangerous, so please don't do it--I am trained to handle that, too.
Katie: Last time I took biology I learned the femur is not in the finger.
Andy: Splint the femur; splint the finger. Same idea.
Adam: Liz, are you ok?
Elizabeth: KATIE KILLED ME!
Katie: Here we go again.
Elizabeth: She brutally slammed the car door into my finger...
Katie: But Andy put the closed bottle of ibuprofen on it, so we're good now.
Adam: Oh, ok. Good. I'm glad Andy were there to help.
Elizabeth: He WASN'T! He wasn't there and I was gushing blood EVERYWHERE! Worse than the other finger I cut while shaving this morning!
Katie: Liz, these are fingers. You only get ten! A new endangered species: Liz's fingers.
Elizabeth: AHHH!!! It's been a rough day for my appendages!

If she's lucky, she might live..
<>< Katie

Monday, February 1, 2010

Magnificent Microwave Meals

This morning, I hadn't even put in my contacts yet when my roommates started sassing me. "Have you blogged yet today?" "PLEASE blog about last night!" "Katie, you're such a slacker blogger!" "Tell your eleven readers what we did last night!" They just like to see their times in print. Sorry to disappoint, ladies, but I am not going to explain how we managed to "seat" eight people on the futon... in three different positions. Enjoy the photo saga on facebook instead because words cannot do justice to the laughter that filled our apartment around 1am this morning.

Since school was closed today no one really wanted to eat in the cafeteria. We knew we'd be on day number four of whatever they could scrounge up from the back room and the pickings from that back room were getting grim on day two! Breakfast/lunch is typically one meal for us and can be made in the apartment thanks to our random supply of items.

Dinner, on the other hand, is more of a challenge since we don't have an oven/stove. Gourmet microwave meals only go so far. Either way, we needed to face the "icy roads" on the mile and a half trek to the grocery store. The problem is that none of the girls in our apartment who (a) drive and (b) have a car felt comfortable making this treacherous voyage. They called upstairs for one of the guys to take us to the store. It was around that time that I announced I wasn't going; Elizabeth felt my participation in this escapade was not optional.

Then why are we finding a driver? Even though I don't enjoy driving, I was well over-qualified for this dangerous excursion on dry roads.

"Get in the car, girls," I said and was expecting a repeat from the other night. Lucky for me, the only useless question was, "Which car is yours?" Clearly the one with out-of-state plates and no snow on it because I'm the only one with a real snowscraper. Pray for me in this foreign country...

Our spontaneous dinner plans turned from microwave lasagna to raw hamburgers in .7 seconds. Our apartment is going to smell like grille forever! However, I accept that because we had a wonderful time making hamburgers, chip dip, macaroni and cheese, and cookies all without a stove! That takes skill.

"This tastes like a homecooked meal," someone remarked.
Correction: This IS a homecooked meal.

Sitting on the floor with real plates on our laps, we thanked God and each other for this meal. Every single one of us was vital in the creation of our dinner. I braved the weather and drove to the store. Adam and Allyson cooked burgers. Nikki found us a George Forman (shhh! Don't tell!). Ryan provided real plates. Amy found the ketchup, and Elizabeth used her mad skills to make Mac & Cheese. No one of us could take the credit for our meal. It was a group effort.

Just like every one of us had a unique role in tonight's dinner, we each have our unique part in the Body of Christ. In Romans 12, Paul outlines this idea when he writes,

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 7 If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8 if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Well done, ladies! (And gentlemen).

<>< Katie
PS: It has also come to my attention that Mr. Kassakatis has been spewing cruel words regarding my blog. This harsh criticism will not be taken personally for I realize Mr. Kassakatis is merely jealous that he cannot communicate as well as I do. I am truly sorry. (not so much).

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Suite Life

The first and last time I bribe my suitemates to dinner by volunteering to drive in the snow...
Katie: Okay, girls, I'm going downstairs to get my laundry. When I come back we're going to dinner. Five minutes.
Elizabeth: We need ten minutes.
Katie: Be fast! I'm hungry, and I have a headache.
Nikki: I think Katie's just crabby because she hasn't blogged today.
Katie: I HAVE blogged today which you'd know if you ever read my blog.
Elizabeth: I think Katie should go blog again.
Katie: Seven minutes! You just wasted three sassin' me.

Twenty minutes later
Katie: Girls. Car. Now. Hungry. Headache. Remember?
Nikki: Go scrape the snow off; we'll wait here. Pull the car up right here on the sidewalk for us.
Katie: You want it on the second floor, too?

A few minutes later
Elizabeth: I'm wet!
Amy: KATIE!! Nikki hit me with a snowball.
Katie: Nikki, get in the car!
Amy: You need to drive me to the hospital.
Katie: I'm not driving you to the hospital.
Amy: But it hurt me!
Katie: Then you can borrow my bike, but this car is headed to the caf. Nikki Raye, get in the car!
Elizabeth: I'm cold, Roommate, close the door.
Nikki: I've hit two of my eight roommates with snowballs! No, I mean, two of my seven roommates. I'm going to get them all!
Amy: You're going to get yourself, too? There are only seven of us total.
Katie: Hit me with a snowball, and you're walking back from dinner.

At dinner
Amy: How's your headache?
Katie: Annoying enough that I've decided to name it: Amy Nikki Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: Why am I last?
Katie: Because you took my car keys. Give them back or we're all walking, and I have no problem walking in snow.
Elizabeth: [giggling] I don't have them!
Katie: I don't know which one of you has them at the present moment, but I know all three of you are equally guilty.

After dinner
Elizabeth: ["whispering" from the passenger seat to the back seat] Hey, Nikki, did you ever talk to Tony about that thing?
Nikki: Huh?
Elizabeth: You know! Amy, I think you were there, too.
Katie: Why are you trying to talk in code if Nikki and Amy were both there? Clearly you're trying to hide your secret from me. I'm a bit more perceptive than you've given me credit for being, thank you very much.
Nikki: Katie, let's just say things happen in our apartment that you wouldn't approve of.
Katie: Well, as long as they don't happen in, what bedroom am I? C! As long as they don't happen in C.
Amy: Well, there were two men in there...
[all three burst out laughing]
Katie: Stop breathing; you're fogging up the windshield.
Nikki: Oh, Kax. Hey! So I finally registared on the Wii today and it asked me if I was your friend. I sat there for a minute and thought before I decided to click yes.
Katie: You are not my friend right now.
Nikki: I'm sorry I hit you with that snowball.
Katie: No you're not but I forgive you.
Nikki: You're right: I'm not. [evil Nikki cackel]

Just before bed when I emerged from my bedroom for the first time in a few hours
Adam: Katie, were you doing your thing in there that whole time?
I gave him a confused look. Where I'm from, we always say "Mom, Puke did his thing" to mean "the cat threw up," and no, I did not vomit.
Allyson: Blogging.
Katie: Oh, no. I was writing.
Adam gave me a face that said, "There's a difference?" Silly science major.

This was last night. We walked tonight. Who knew it could take twenty minutes to walk less than a mile...
<>< Katie

Concierge Adam

Today is Adam's birthday, and even though he doesn't read this blog, I feel compelled to write him a birthday blog. Yesterday my suitemates were taking turnings asking if they were in my blog. Without thinking, I could answer yes. Then it was Adam's turn, and I hesitated. Most of my funny memories with Adam are eye glances and smiles that cannot be explained in words. It's like we understood something no one else did but cannot voice our thoughts. How do you blog to explain why I just shot him a dirty look for closing the door?

Last September, we were just getting used to living in a new building with co-ed laundry facilities. Nikki had left her laundry in the drying a bit too long and returned to find them folded. In a panic, she walked into the breezeway,

"A BOY FOLDED MY CLOTHES!!" She shouted, wearing her hamper on her head and waving her hands for emphasis. This fiasco created quite a spectacle.

"How do you know it was a boy?" Everyone asked.

"Because! The underwear is folded on top. A girl would NEVER leave another girl's underwear on top. Girls ALWAYS know to tuck the underwear inside the top shirt. It's just common courtesy."

This became a major discussion for the next several hours.

"Oh, those were your clothes I folded," Adam fessed up when he heard Nikki's rampage about a boy folding her clothes.

"ADAM TOUCHED MY PANTIES!" She shouted loud enough for the entire building to hear. Of course, everyone loved to tease about Adam and Nikki's panties.

A few weeks later, Adam left clothes unfolded in the dryer and waited for the owner to return to reclaim the clothes and vacate the dryer.

"I got fussed at last time I tried to fold someone's clothes," he explained.

One afternoon, Allyson, Adam, and I were playing Rack-O on the floor in the living room. Elizabeth was in the kitchen chopping an apple with her back to us.

"How was the end of your book?" Adam asked.

"I don't know. Well, you see, this person that was dead isn't dead anymore. And now there was this prophesy about Percy, and we don't know if that's good or bad..." She explained for literally five straight minutes with an elaborate plot summary.

"Oh?" Adam asked "What do you think about that?"

"I don't really know. I like that the person who was dead isn't dead anymore, I think, but Percy..." she continued for five more minutes before finally turning around to face us.

Much to her surprise, Adam, Allyson, and I were all trying really hard to stifle our laughter. We were expecting a simple, "It turned out well" or "I want to read the next book in the series" or "I didn't like the ending" and instead got a detailed plot summary followed by Elizabeth's thoughts on the novel.

Yes, Adam egged her on, but she thought he was genuinely interested in the novel. While we all found this hilarious, she was "offended" and stormed to her bedroom for a few hours. :-) We joke about it now, though. Periodically we'll ask for a Percy update and she just go "Humph!"


I love it when Adam and Allyson go on "dates" but can't get off campus because it often involves them cleaning our living room. Luckily, our fussing hasn't stopped him from doing our dishes, emptying our garbage, and tidying up our living room.

Happy birthday, Concierge Adam! Thanks for your willingness to serve, your witty humor, and how comfortable you make yourself in our apartment.
<>< Katie

Friday, January 22, 2010

Freudian Slips

I am a writer. I love words. That doesn't mean words always love me. In fact, sometimes I think I speak really awkwardly. I don't always think before words come flying through my mouth, or I think too late to fix the bad statement. Just for laughs, this are my latest Freudian slips...

Last night, Adam called Allyson and I played secretary. I told him she was unavailable at the moment and I would have her call him when she became available again. Confused, Adam hung up. I made an effort to defend my moderately odd way of beating around the bush: I was not going to tell Adam that his girlfriend was in the shower. Face it, most people shower naked. While I like to think Adam isn't going to leap into the gutter, I wanted to protect Allyson from an awkward situation and took the humiliation on myself when I tried to explain. It came out poorly as I announced to my busy living room filled with a co-ed audience, "Some girls don't like to talk about showering with guys."

As we were leaving the bowling alley on Sunday, I told Josh I had to go because my group was mobilizing. Except it kind of got mixed up with "group is moving" and sounded shockingly southern as it came out, "My groupe is movilizing." Later, I was laughing to myself about how badly that conversation could have ended and I told my friends (all female) what had happened. Well, when I tried to say "groupe is movilizing" I messed it up worse and said, "My grope is boobilizing." Yeah, that was the worse case scenario I had envisioned in my head. It's going to be a long time before they let me live this one down.

Amy asked me to send a text message on her phone. Well, she uses T9 and I don't. I much prefer to type out every individual letter of the words and I can do it rather quickly. In fact, more quickly than I could have using T9. I tried to type, "We are coming" but it ended up, "Bacon accountant."

It's no wonder my roommates like to make fun of me: I'm an easy target. :-)

I'd love to hear about your Freudian slips. Or I suppose you can remind me of some of my other ones because, well, I have a lot of them. :-)

Learning to laugh at myself,

<>< Katie

PS: I composed this blog this morning and then had a great slip this afternoon. Nikki and I work for the same department and our latest project requires us to spend long hours in Dr. T's office. Today, as we were sitting there working, I looked at her and said, "Nikki, all of our Nikki-Katie time is in Dr. T's office. We're nerdy enough to do that." Well, she heard, "Nikki, all of our Nikki-Katie time is in Dr. T's office. We're dirty enough to do that."