Wacky Wednesday

From Katie: The following is a collection of quotes heard in conversation and found on Twitter over the month of April. Some names have been changed for the sake of privacy. <>< Katie

Jesse [23]: How are you?
Woman [70s]: Well, I have a bad case of diarrhea and I've been on the toilet all morning, Honey. I hear you wrote a book. I'm going to write a book, too. Since it looks like neither of us are going to get married, let's get hitched.

Katie: Next time I'll just cook dinner after work.
Jennifer: Hey! I've been cooking all afternoon.
Amy: That's the problem.
Katie: We appreciate your effort even if it's only effort.

Laura: I'd like a diet virgin water on the rocks. Hold the ice.

David: Katie, you eat in the caf more than I do.
Katie: Not more just as often.
David: Oh, good. As long as we're even.

Pete Webber: I hate hockey games in libraries.

Allyson: I'm so sorry, Stacy, that we're overe here having our own conversation and you're over there slaving over the microwave.

Person One: What's a cello?
Person Two: It's like a really big violin you play on the floor.

[Allyson getting plates out of the cabinet]
Jennifer: No! I already have plates out.
Allyson: Where?
Jennifer: Over there.
Allyson: There are two.
Jennifer: I was going to get more.

Stephen: Anatomically, if you had brake lights, they'd be on your butt.

Katie: Meeting with David.
Autocorrect: Mewing with David.
Rebekah: I mewed with David and Meagan tonight.

Katie: I need to remember not to go to work tomorrow.

Lisa Whittle: Tell that person you believe in them, love them, appreciate them today. You have no idea how much they may need to hear it.

Isaac [Age 4]: If we were all rocks, we'd be mulch.

Jennifer: Allyson, are you done with this?
Allyson: That's my sandwich.
Jennifer: It's all this gross stuff.
Allyson: Those are called vegetables.

Laura: Zeke is Twatching Katie. In public even!

Anna: I wouldn't lie to you.
Josh: You did once.
Anna: Really? When?
Josh: You once said I was a good person.

Katie: High of 61. What is this? January?

Jennifer Rothschild: God is present in your present; He's not dwelling on your past or worrying about the future so you don't either. Be present where you are.

Allyson: These strawberries are Pintrest-worthy.

Katie: When I come back, I want you to have two pages written.
Jen: Are you coming back tomorrow?
[A few days later]
Jen: So, Katie, that story for class you were pushing me to write? It's not 5 pages. It's 26. And I might major in writing.

"Live in a way that if anyone should speak badly of you, no one would believe it." - Unknown

Jennifer: It's 7:30.
Katie: It's 8:00.
Allyson: Get a watch, witch.

Jesse: Have you Tweeted yet? It's been an hour. Please Tweet responsibly.

Katie: I need a horrible haircut. I mean, I need a haircut horribly.

Julie: If you bought a Lord of the Rings ring as an engagement right, you would officially be boxed in forever as a dork.

Billy Bob: I got this thought. I know that's dangerous. You're in charge of marketing--
John Boy: I think so. Somedays. In some places. Maybe not here. I am at my house.

Laura: I'll have the steak. Medium half-well done. No pink.

Friend: You have a degree in English and Spanish? You should be a music critic.

[While discussing wars]
Becca, high school freshman: This is why we need female presidents. They won't fight with each other; they'll all be jealous of each other and no one will talk rather than fighting.

Katie: I need to go shopping in your closet.
Jennifer: You can pay me too.
Katie: I'll pay you in punches.
Jennifer: I don't appreciate that. Maybe I'll just let you borrow my clothes.

Brett: Childbirth is not the most feminine moment in a woman's life.

[Laura said something in Spanish; I translated.]
Katie: Why is the dog in the car?
Laura: Why are you standing in a box?

Max Lucado: Worship is the act of magnifying God.

Wacky Wednesday

"If life is worth living, then it is worth recording."

Classmate: What is that?
I glanced down at the brown bottle in my hand.
Classmate: That's kind of bold.
Katie: Well I am from the North.  No, actually, it's root beer.  They're serving it in the caf for Oktoberfest.

Mom: I'm bored.  I want to eat, but I shouldn't.  Maybe I'll just go to bed.
Katie: Read a book, that's what you always told me.  Did you ever finish Three Cups of Tea?
Mom: No.  I lost it. 
Katie: You lost it?
Mom: Maybe it's in my music bag, but I'm not really sure.  It might be in my van.  No, I know it's not in my van.  I think it got swallowed by a log cabin magazine.

Katie: The only thing I can actually throw is a pen.
Chelsea: That's the sign of an English major.

Ron Rash: Galloway, who has already killed the typical Rash body count of about a dozen...
[about his amazing book Serena]

Nikki: Chloe told me to feed my cat.  I don't have a cat.
Allyson: What if fish were mini-giraffes swimming around?  How different would our world be if all our pets were shaped differently.

Isaac [age 3]: There's a Ternanisarus Rex out the window.  See it?  Do you see any other ones?
Katie: No, I only see one.
[All of the other adults at the table laughed at me]

Elizabeth [to her boyfriend Andy]: It hurt last time you bit me.

Michael: I tend to not put my mouth on things that can electrocute me.
Caitlin: That's why my hair is curly.
[really the outlets exemplify sound if you're anywhere near them]

Dr. Jones: Bekah's carrying a friend to the hospital.
Katie: That's going to take awhile.

Amy: My goal for this year: to understand Katie.
Katie: Good luck.

Uncle: We just scored in the opening kick off and we've got mini-screen!
Dad: Sarah!
Mom: I'm taping my hockey game.  Just a second.
Dad: Rewind!

Katie: At my house we have an actual cheese cutter.
Nikki: What's an actual cheese cutter verses a metaphorical cheese cutter?
Katie: An actually cheese cutter stinks up the place and a metaphorical cheese cutter makes a lot of noise.

Katie: My head hurts.
Jennifer: Take medicine.
Katie: I did.
Jennifer: Take more.

Andy: So are we going to the store or what?
Elizabeth: Yes. We need medium trash bags.
Amy: Medium trash bags.
Andy: Medium trash bags.
Elizabeth: Medium trash bags.
Amy: And Katie needs new Scrabble Cheeze-its.
Elizabeth: No she doesn't.  We haven't played with hers yet.
Nikki: Roommie, don't be rude and play Banangrams on the floor with Katie's Scrabble Cheeze-its on then put them back into the box.  Be considerate and lick all of the germs off of them before you put them away.

Random man on the phone: I'm not shaving my chest hair.  Yeah, it's getting really long.  It grew a millimeter already.

[Sign Choir practice]
Amber: We could have one or even two Jesuses...
Katie: Sign Choir goes polytheistic... at least we have Jesus in our songs.
[Ten minutes later]
Girl: Wait, how many Gods?
Queen Emily: Religion 1-0-1: One God!

Jake: SURE!  The lactose intolerant girl brings cheesecake!

Katie: Brain fart: what's it called when there's a need and you make it go away.
Nikki: Satisfy.
Jennifer: To.
Katie: You to the need?
Jennifer: Yeah, like the number "two."

Amy: Don't let me forget, I have to mail my Compassion child tomorrow.
Katie: DON'T PUT YOUR COMPASSION CHILD IN THE MAIL!  Who do you think she is?  Flat Stanley?

Jennifer: WHY is there hair in the microwave?
Elizabeth: It goes there, Jennifer; it makes everything more tasty.

Keith: Katie, I'm cold.  And I have that exact same sweatshirt.
Katie: Are you asking me to give you the sweatshirt off of my back?
[Keith nodded sheepishly]

Jennifer: I think Allyson's cough is getting to her ears. I said, "Your phone rang," and she thought I said, "Your padre." It was her dad who called, but I didn't know that.

Katie: Where is my phone?
Andy: In your eye.
Katie: EWW!  That would be so germy!
Nikki: Don't point out the cell phone in her eye until you remove the laptop from your own eye.

Katie: It didn't work.
Nikki: It would have worked if I had done it.
Katie: That's right because you're better than me at everything.
Nikki: Except being skinny, using random German words and pretending they're English, writing really long blog posts, sanitizing light switches, and not licking things on impulse.

Shellie Warren: But as you mature, hopefully, you will encounter men of character and quality. The bad news is that they may not be your husband. The good news is that they very well could bring you one, two, or ten steps closer to him.