Wacky Wednesday

From Katie: The following is a collection of quotes and crazy conversations brought to my attention during the month of January. <>< Katie

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Taft: Wikipedia is blocked by HPPA.

Brett: I miss having hair. I used to have headaches when I had hair. Actually, I didn't. I never got headaches when I had hair but now I don't have hair and get headaches all of the time.

[Via text message]
Katie: We should catch up one of these days.
Kevin: We should catch up. Who is this?

Michael: This tastes like cocoa butter.
Stephen: Cocoa butter? That's for stretch marks!

Aunt Jett: Don't squeeze the cat. She might explode or something.

"Christianity can grow and flourish under some of the most difficult opposition, but it will prosper very little when people refuse to be changed by it." - Beth Moore, To Live is Christ, 130

Lauren: I'm so not ready for a big girl job. I still get excited about foamy soap.

Mom: The wind must be coming from the west. The train sounds like a dead cow.
Christina: A dead cow, Mom? You realize that dead cows don't make any noises, right?
Mom: How many dead cows have you hung out with? They could make farting noises.

Brit: Decaf? Are you trying to stay awake? [Beat] Wait. I mean go to sleep?

Uncle Jack: [Hands in the air] I didn't do that! [Beat] Did I?
Mom: No, you didn't put the meese peep on the marinated rug.

Rebekah: You're such a good kitty when you're not being a bad kitty.

"If we're waiting for the needy to walk through our church doors, we may wait a long time. God doesn't wait for people to come to Him. He goes to them and desires to intervene right at the point of their need. He's looking for a few brave people, like the Apostle Paul, who are willing to go rather than wait for them to come. He's not looking for show-offs. He's looking for people through whom He can show off His Son. May we be some of those people." - Beth Moore, To Live is Christ, 151

Danielle: You can't say "Indian style." It's offensive.
David: It's criss-cross apple sauce.
Casey: I'm allergic to applesauce. That offends me.

Aunt Jett [About her husband]: One of the best things about him is his ability to drive backwards.

Katie: Hank [the cat] let me pet him for a long time today! Like two pets.

Stephen: Why does everyone rub my head?
Rebekah: It's your spiritual gift.
Brett: Your head is my heroine.

Christina: Mom, does Dad's arm look swollen?
Mom: Yes, of course. He's been karate chopping live trees.

"God wants to be found.  He does not will for any to miss Him, and His is so gracious to show up right where we are looking--so He can take us beyond anything we've ever seen." - Beth Moore, To Live isa Christ, 151

Allyson: The overnight forecast is snow. Either that or stars.

Stephen: I read your blog faithfully except for recently. What's Wacky Wednesday?
Katie: If you read my blog, how can you not know about Wacky Wednesday?
David: Wacky Wednesday is arguably the best day of the month!

Evan: Twitter makes me like people I don't know. Facebook does the opposite.

Dad: What's the plural of moose?
Aunt: Elk!

Taft [praying]: Lord, don't smit us.

Rebekah: Then why doesn't he just say that?
Katie: 'Cuz he's a boy. They only think half-thoughts.

Bob: That shirt looks very nice on you.
Emily: You can't say that to her!
Bob: Why not? Gosh, I've been trying to work complements into my conversation and now you just ruined it! Katie, you're dirt ugly. Now you can just be mad at me; you can't have me arrested.

Brett: Hank. Don't eat electicity.

"It's very rare when you're following Jesus that you know exactly what you're doing and where you are going." - Jonathan Martin

Uncle Jack: Assuming this is a right angle...
Laura: Then you have three right angles. You can't have three right angles in a pentagon!

David: What if there was a food that makes you break bones? Like "I can't eat burgers 'cuz they make me break bones."

[Neal was cleaning up water on the floor]
Amber: Ethan got so excited about his cookie that he spilled his water.
Katie: Sorry, Neal, I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time.
Neal: At least it's clear.
Katie: I drank lots of water today.
Neal: Isn't that just inappropriate, Ethan, for a woman to be talking like that?
[Ethan was grinning like he wasn't sure what to do]

Rebekah: You smell like leather-flavored crayon.

Wife: How can you explain all of these awful things happening?
Husband: Easy. This is earth.

Katie: Since Christmas I've gotten a new camera, a new job, a new phone, a new-to-me computer, and a new house. Now I just need a new car.
Mom: Your brain is going to be mush. Next thing you know you're going to try to call with your camera, take pictures with your car, and scrapbook with your phone.
Katie: There's an app for that.

Brandon: I've told this story a lot of times but a lot of you haven't heard it because you haven't heard me tell it.

Dad: Oooowee!
Katie: You ok?
Dad: Yeah. That hurt! Somebody parked the vaccuum cleander in my coat.

Michael: When in doubt, pull out your actual Bible. If your cell phone doesn't know about Jesus, your actual Bible will. You never can tell about cell phones. I don't know if they're believers.

Beth: Sometimes I just breathe.

David: We all want to see your relationship succeed or fail, whichever is better.
Stephen: I hope you have many Lord of the Rings babies, and they don't look like gollum.

Katie: Brett! You heathen non-recycling Canadian!

Artemis: Daddy? When we go to Disney, Mommy said we could go for two whole days!
Daddy: Yup.
Artemis: When we are 10 or 11 years old.
Daddy: Yup.
Artemis: Where are we going to sleep? I mean, we could bring our sleeping bags and camp out in the back of your car.
Daddy: Or we could stay in a hotel.
Artemis: They have those there?!

Rebekah: Yeah, blinds take awhile to master.
Katie: Yeah, I don't have my master's in blinds yet.
Rebekah: I'm working on mine.

"If you write for God, you will reach many men and bring them joy. If you write for men, you may make some money and may give someone a little joy and you may make some noise in the world, for a little while. If you write for yourself, you can read what you yourself have written and after ten minutes you will be so disguisted that you wish that you were dead." - Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation

Wacky Wednesday

Author's Note: the following is a collection of ridiculous statements or deeply profound conclusions that I have heard, seen, or been told over the last month.  Some are meant in jest.  Some are not.  As always, some have been forgotten before they could be written down.  My deepest apologies.  Enjoy!
<>< Katie

Tracy: We cannot prevent the storm but we can prepare for it.

Neal: Have you already eaten?
Katie: Yeah, I ate over there.
Neal: Oh.
Katie: But if I sit next to Stacy long enough I might have to eat again.

Katie: Your shirt's crooked. I would have told you that immediately when you walked in but I was kind of like, "Meh, it's Nikki, at least she's wearing clothing."

Mom [walking into an empty kitchen]: So then we... wait!  Where is everybody?  It's the rapture and they've all been taken but I've been left behind!

Nikki: I got some llama slobber on my formal dress.

Pete Wilson: Your crisis will become less of a crisis when you replace fear of the unknown with a healthy fear of the known God.

Girl [age 10]: How do you stop turkeys from stargazing?

Amy: I wish tomorrow was Saturday.
Nikki: Hey, now, at this point we're not wishing away days.
Amy: No, just two Saturdays in a row.  Let's pray about that.
Stacy [running in from the other room]: Pray about what?

Men: Bro picture!
Michael: Let's stand somewhere with pretty flowers in the background.

Neal: Does everyone who sits at this table have to be loud?!

Katie: I can drink and dance at the same time; I'm Lutheran.

Amy: Jennifer!  Can you get the bug spray?  I don't want to lose sight of this spider!
Nikki: Don't smash him in the carpet!  That won't come out of the carpet!
Nikki, Amy, Jennifer: AHHHHHHH!!
Nikki: Wait!  We have shoes!  Why don't we use shoes?
Amy: Katie!
[Apparently I'm the only one with shoes]

Professor: The brain can only absorb what the seat can endure.

Amy: Katie, can I have another Crunch bar?
Elizabeth: Did Amy just use the word "coinstar"?

Martin Luther: God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone but also on the trees and in the flowers and clouds and stars.

Neal: I am like an elephant.
Katie: What does that mean?!  You're huge and you have a long trunk?

Chase: We are wired for worship.  We are made to worship. But often times we worship what was created rather than the Creator.

English misspeak and mock...
Katie: When you speak three languages, we'll talk!  And in one of the other ones.

Anonymous Female Friend: In heaven we will never have to wear a bra again!

Elizabeth: I'll take a coffee.  Do you have any specialty coffee?
Waiter: Decaf.

Elizabeth: And I want apple butter.  I'm requesting it.  The menu says "on request."

Teresa: Be intentional with your relationships and be intentional with your time unless you want them to be stolen away.

Jennifer: I want to buy someone to play guitar for me while I fall asleep.
Katie: Usually when the words "buy" and "someone" are put together we use the word "hire."
Jennifer: Ok, I'm going to hire someone to play guitar for me and eventually they'll learn to do it for free and then they'll volunteer.

Keith: I was averaging a book a week in that class.  I was booking it!

David: Ultimately life continues regardless of our desire for time to stand still.  God has given us each day so we should take joy in those moments.

Amy: It's like we always tell Katie: mockery is the greatest form of love.
Elizabeth: Katie, they are lying to you.  They just want to make fun of you.

"A story is only sad if there's no happy ending.  I guess I always believe in that ending." - Dr. Julia Cates from Magic Hour by Kristin Hannah

Mom: I don't know what brushing my teeth has to do with Christmas.

Pastor Russ: We don't enjoy the time in between.  It feels like a wasteland.

Adam [offering a poptart]: Want some?
Sara: What kind is it?
Adam: Cherry.
Sara: Dairy?
David: Yes, earring.

Nikki: Katie, I was really thirsty, so I pretended we were in a foreign country and drank some of your water.

Micah [preteen]: Um... don't slip.  Do you want to have kids?

Neal: Remember, the longer the story the more embellishing.

Wacky Wednesday

David: Katie, I especially like the Wacky Wednesday quotes when Nikki's mocking you because they're so funny!

Heather: Evan, get a canoe and row home.
Evan: I would love that but I think it's uphill.
Katie: It wouldn't matter; you'd be in a canoe!

Katie: It's "Yo quiero verTe."
Neal: Yeah, V-E-R-D-E.
Katie: No, V-E-R-T-E.  It's "I want to see You" not "I want green."

Andy: What is this?  Do I look like a maid? Or a butler?
Amy: The first one.
Nikki: Maid.

Caitlin: You exchanged hats!  That's like a promise.
Michael: Yeah!  It's a promise ring for gangsters.

Katie: Is that the Beast from Beauty and the Beast on your shirt?

Professor: James, do you know your Bible well?
James: No.
Professor: That's because you didn't grow up Lutheran.

Jennifer: Elizabeth, I can feel your heart beat through my butt!

Manolo: Say, "Esta es mi primera vez en Nicaragua."
Neal: Esta es mi primera vez en Nicaragua.
Katie: Neal!  Stop swearing at us!
Neal: What?
Katie: He's teaching you naughty words!
Neal: Nah!  This is a man of the Lord!
[an hour later Manolo did intentionally teach Neal the wrong word]

Nikki: I made a phalic image in this poem and he totally caught it!
Katie: He's a boy.  I'm not surprised.
Nikki: No, it was a Biblical image!
Katie: He's a boy and a div school student.

Sara: Katie's always brave and tries the mystery salad from the stir fry line.
[That's really just in here for Mom]

[I'm cutting cookie cake with a butter knife.  Andy handed me the machete we use to cut watermelon]
Katie: Will you make the bleeding stop when I cut myself with this knife?
Andy: Yes, but only this once.
Katie: Do you want some cookie cake without any blood on it?
Andy: No, I want blood on mine.
Katie: Well, I'll supply the cookie cake. You'll have to supply the blood.

Boy: I thought it was a fart.  But then it rolled down my leg.
Mother: And onto the carpet.
Brother: Yeah, I'll put that on my facebook: my brother pooped on the carpet.
Mother: No.
Boy: Please, Mom?

Ted: Uno, dos, tros.

Mo: Oh, did you see?  The directions are in plastic, too.
Jessica: You can't read plastic?
Mo: I mean, English.

Nikki: Do you like your sandwich cut?
Amy: Yes, like animals.
Nikki: You're going to get triangles.  Four of them.  Actually, I changed my mind and cut your P, B, and J like a pizza.

Erica: Where's Sherry from?  America?  I thought she was from Australia.

Sara: Are you stretching or giving me a hug?
David: Yes.

Heather: God is so good amidst all this crap.
Katie: She just said a naughty word in the prayer room!
Anonymous Friend: Hell, yeah!

Katie: Nikki!  You always walk away when I'm talking!
Nikki: I know that your stories are long enough that I can walk away and come back to hear the real point.

Amy: Ah!  I just got my phone charger stuck in the air conditioner vent.

James: I didn't do the assigment.
Professor: Well, that's what we expect from males.

Dad: I had a bad dream last night.  I was graduating college and I didn't have a job.
Katie: I'm so glad your nightmare is my reality.

Neal: If you don't perform your role, our body is not whole.  So don't let satan convince you that you're insignificant or something you did last week means you're not capable for being part of the body this week.  Without you, our joy is not complete and we can't enjoy this trip.  Maybe you're a pinky or maybe you're a heart; you're still part of the body.

Wacky Wednesday

"If life is worth living, then it is worth recording."

Classmate: What is that?
I glanced down at the brown bottle in my hand.
Classmate: That's kind of bold.
Katie: Well I am from the North.  No, actually, it's root beer.  They're serving it in the caf for Oktoberfest.

Mom: I'm bored.  I want to eat, but I shouldn't.  Maybe I'll just go to bed.
Katie: Read a book, that's what you always told me.  Did you ever finish Three Cups of Tea?
Mom: No.  I lost it. 
Katie: You lost it?
Mom: Maybe it's in my music bag, but I'm not really sure.  It might be in my van.  No, I know it's not in my van.  I think it got swallowed by a log cabin magazine.

Katie: The only thing I can actually throw is a pen.
Chelsea: That's the sign of an English major.

Ron Rash: Galloway, who has already killed the typical Rash body count of about a dozen...
[about his amazing book Serena]

Nikki: Chloe told me to feed my cat.  I don't have a cat.
Allyson: What if fish were mini-giraffes swimming around?  How different would our world be if all our pets were shaped differently.

Isaac [age 3]: There's a Ternanisarus Rex out the window.  See it?  Do you see any other ones?
Katie: No, I only see one.
[All of the other adults at the table laughed at me]

Elizabeth [to her boyfriend Andy]: It hurt last time you bit me.

Michael: I tend to not put my mouth on things that can electrocute me.
Caitlin: That's why my hair is curly.
[really the outlets exemplify sound if you're anywhere near them]

Dr. Jones: Bekah's carrying a friend to the hospital.
Katie: That's going to take awhile.

Amy: My goal for this year: to understand Katie.
Katie: Good luck.

Uncle: We just scored in the opening kick off and we've got mini-screen!
Dad: Sarah!
Mom: I'm taping my hockey game.  Just a second.
Dad: Rewind!

Katie: At my house we have an actual cheese cutter.
Nikki: What's an actual cheese cutter verses a metaphorical cheese cutter?
Katie: An actually cheese cutter stinks up the place and a metaphorical cheese cutter makes a lot of noise.

Katie: My head hurts.
Jennifer: Take medicine.
Katie: I did.
Jennifer: Take more.

Andy: So are we going to the store or what?
Elizabeth: Yes. We need medium trash bags.
Amy: Medium trash bags.
Andy: Medium trash bags.
Elizabeth: Medium trash bags.
Amy: And Katie needs new Scrabble Cheeze-its.
Elizabeth: No she doesn't.  We haven't played with hers yet.
Nikki: Roommie, don't be rude and play Banangrams on the floor with Katie's Scrabble Cheeze-its on then put them back into the box.  Be considerate and lick all of the germs off of them before you put them away.

Random man on the phone: I'm not shaving my chest hair.  Yeah, it's getting really long.  It grew a millimeter already.

[Sign Choir practice]
Amber: We could have one or even two Jesuses...
Katie: Sign Choir goes polytheistic... at least we have Jesus in our songs.
[Ten minutes later]
Girl: Wait, how many Gods?
Queen Emily: Religion 1-0-1: One God!

Jake: SURE!  The lactose intolerant girl brings cheesecake!

Katie: Brain fart: what's it called when there's a need and you make it go away.
Nikki: Satisfy.
Jennifer: To.
Katie: You to the need?
Jennifer: Yeah, like the number "two."

Amy: Don't let me forget, I have to mail my Compassion child tomorrow.
Katie: DON'T PUT YOUR COMPASSION CHILD IN THE MAIL!  Who do you think she is?  Flat Stanley?

Jennifer: WHY is there hair in the microwave?
Elizabeth: It goes there, Jennifer; it makes everything more tasty.

Keith: Katie, I'm cold.  And I have that exact same sweatshirt.
Katie: Are you asking me to give you the sweatshirt off of my back?
[Keith nodded sheepishly]

Jennifer: I think Allyson's cough is getting to her ears. I said, "Your phone rang," and she thought I said, "Your padre." It was her dad who called, but I didn't know that.

Katie: Where is my phone?
Andy: In your eye.
Katie: EWW!  That would be so germy!
Nikki: Don't point out the cell phone in her eye until you remove the laptop from your own eye.

Katie: It didn't work.
Nikki: It would have worked if I had done it.
Katie: That's right because you're better than me at everything.
Nikki: Except being skinny, using random German words and pretending they're English, writing really long blog posts, sanitizing light switches, and not licking things on impulse.

Shellie Warren: But as you mature, hopefully, you will encounter men of character and quality. The bad news is that they may not be your husband. The good news is that they very well could bring you one, two, or ten steps closer to him.