Listen

I woke up with a sore throat.  I had hoped it would get better as the day progressed.  It didn't.  By the middle of the afternoon I sounded like Kermit the frog.

Wonderful.

I thought about not going to small group.  It was a 45 minute drive there at the end of rush hour and a 45 minute drive back at 11pm.  I was already exhausted from making that same trek once that morning.  And I was sick.

Do I go and risk infecting other people with this sudden illness?  Do I stay home and try to fight it?

I'm not a "stay home because I have a cold" person.  I get colds a lot, so I'd miss out on a lot of life if I stayed home every time.

So over to the mansion I drove.  When I got there, I learned half of the other people had colds, too.  Last week we were all healthy; this week we had a germ-sharing party.

A sniffler.  A sneezer.  Kermit.  What a choir!

Out came the guitar to sing some praise and worship songs.

Sometimes my speaking voice "frogs" before my singing voice or vice versa.  It's rare they're both nasty at the same time.  But, then again, I don't usually go from fine to Kermit in one day.

I apologized to the girl sitting next to me and tried to sing.  Yup, nothing.

Time to move my lips and life a joyful noise from my heart...

Time to listen.  Losing your normal voice is like being put in time out.  Sometimes it's just not physically possible to speak.  Other times it hurts.  Or you just don't want to hear yourself.

"I'm worshipping YOU, God," I said in my traditional frog-voice campaign.

Listen, God spoke to my heart.

Is this like Guatemala but without the orange paint? I want to sing.

Listen.  You sang on Sunday.

Thank You that I had a voice to participate in such a wonderful, Spirit-filled praise and worship service on Sunday.  I'm sorry it took losing my voice today to be grateful for something I took for granted yesterday.  Lesson learned.  [pause] Can I have it back now?

<>< Kermit

The Climb

"It's not very, how do you say?  Es-steep," said our host-pastor, Manolo.

Famous last words.

From my first step off the bus I knew the hike up the mountain would be challenging for my out-of-shape self.  Manolo said it would take 45 minutes, but I didn't dare time it.

I followed in line behind some mountain runners... I don't run on flat ground much less up a mountain.  It was not long before, I was incredibly out of breath and I could feel my heart pound in about 87 different places.  It was so bad someone asked me if I have asthma.

Those in front of me kept going but I could not keep up no matter how hard I tried.  I gave everything and it wasn't enough.  Finally, I paused to rest.

Neal: Hey, Katie.
I didn't even have the breath to respond; I turned my head towards him.
Neal: That's where we're going.
He pointed above our heads to the rock.
 

Neal: Does that encourage you or discourage you?
Katie: I know it's supposed to encourage me, but, honestly, it's really discouraging.

I had no idea how far I'd come but it seemed shorter than I had left to go.  That was discouraging!

As the runners disappeared from my view, I found the strength to continue.  I'm not a quitter.  I knew it would eventually be worth the pain.  And I had been promised communion at the top of the mountain.

A Nicaraguan youth with our group offered to carry my bag.  I let him (that bilingual Word of the Lord is heavy!), and he disappeared up the mountain.

Katie: There goes my water.
Neal: I have some.
Katey: We can share mine.

I felt so cared for and loved.  I was getting up that mountain, my friends were going to make sure of it!

Neal would pop back down and again, but Katey and I walked together the rest of the way up the mountain. She accepted my pace, and we stopped frequently to enjoy the views (ok, and catch my breath). It was no longer a race to the top but about enjoying the journey. Slowly I began to enjoy my trek rather than only continuing for the communion at the end.

Tortoise-style Katey and I continued towards the top... Slow and steady. Eventually we heard laughter and shouts from nearby.  Even though we'd lost the rest of our group, they had to be nearby.  We rounded the corner and there they were.

We'd made it!  We had reached our destination!  The handiwork of our Creator was ours to enjoy!

From the top, we could see for miles, kilometers, actually.  It was breath-taking!  When everyone made it to the top (believe me or not, Katey and I weren't last) we took a group photo.  Best team photo ever!  Then we took a seat and listened to Manolo teach while we watched the Master Painter paint us a beautiful sunset!

Afterwards, we were given the assurance of the forgiveness of sins through the body and blood of Jesus Christ.  We then sang "Revelation Song" a capella.  Breath-taking!

The wind was blowing and the sun going down, taking the temperature with it.  Even with the goose bumps on my arms, I didn't care much. 

Now in the dark, we began our journey down the mountain, under the barbed wire, and around the rocks.  Except we hadn't planned to be hiking in the dark, so we didn't have enough flashlights for everyone.  New version of walk by faith and not by sight!

We walked slowly, getting split up as we went.  We prayed for safety.  Cold rain began to fall.

Hiking down a mountain in the dark, shivering, and it's raining.  Sounds awful, right? 

"Well, it'll be a story to tell when we get back," I said.  Honestly, I thought it was wonderful.  Maybe I'm biased because I was one of the lucky ones with a flashlight.

Sherry began a rendition of "The Wheels on the Bus."  That turned into "The Hokey Pokey" which became "I'm in the Lord's Army" and "Father Abraham."  (Those are Baptist songs... I don't really know them either).  We were having so much fun singing and slipping.

Eventually our group got separated, and I walked alone with my flashlight.  Under my breath I continued to sing.

I love You, Lord,
and I lift my voice
to worship You.
Oh my soul, rejoice.
Take joy, my King,
in what You hear.
May it be a
sweet, sweet sound
in Your ear.

Abba, I belong to You.
I belong to You.
Abba, Father.
Abba, I belong to You.
I belong to You.
Abba, Father, God.

Worthy is the
Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy is He.
Sing a new song
to Him to sits on
heaven's mercy seat.
Holy, Holy, Holy
is the Lord God Almighty
who was and is and is to come.
With all creation I sing
praise to the King of Kings.
You are my everything,
and I will adore You.

Just me and Jesus time.  Somehow amidst the literally rocky ground, the cold breeze of night, the gentle rainfall, and the tiredness of my body, I found the strength to praise Him.

The climb down was considerably better than the trek up because I had a goal.  It wasn't the top of the mountain.  It wasn't even the bus at the bottom.  It was to spend time in the presence of the One who formed every mountain, placed every rock, and grew every leaf.

The same One who put me there was worthy of all of my praise.

When we made it to the bus, those who were already there cheered for the newcomers.  I smiled.  We did it.  Not by our own strength or power. God's hand of protection guided us up and down.

Take a minute to praise Him today.  Amidst the barbed wire, the rocky ground, and the wind.  As you share the heavy load and water with friends, thank Him for the friendship.  As you see flowers, sunsets, and raindrops realized He formed you, too. Enjoy the hike up; it's not a race.  Enjoy the stumble down; it's ok to fall.

<>< Katie

PS: No one was hurt in the making of this blog.  (Except maybe a spider).

What is Worship?

Saturday I woke up with a headache, cramps, and sore throat.  Some expired Tylenol took care of the first two but the sore throat is here to stay.  Sunday I woke up nauseous with a sore throat.  This is a fun game.  I managed to add another day to my no-puking stretch (2.5 years and counting; my record is 6 years) but by the time I made it to church I had a really good Scooby Doo voice.  Wonderful.  Normally when I get sick I can sing through loosing my voice.  With a hopeful heart I began to sing, "Everyone needs compass-squoak.  A love that's ----- let mercy fa-- on muheee."

God!  I'm trying to praise You here.  I'm worshipping YOU and You're taking away my ability to do that.  Something just doesn't seem right with this picture.  I'm giving You everything I've got.
The more I tried to sing, the worse my voice became (pity the people sitting next to me!) and the more frustrated I became.
Can't this wait until this afternoon?  I just want to sing praises to You.
It was as if God responded, Katie, you don't need a voice to worship Me.
Huh?
You heard Me: you don't need a voice to worship Me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.  Serve the least of these.  There aren't any least-of-theses around right now.  Yes, I'm listening to our sermon series on compassion.  I know, but right now I'm praising You with what's left of my voice.
Look around you.
On my left was Emma, a first year nursing student who'd previously been sitting by herself.
I'm sitting with Emma instead of sitting in my normal spot!
Good start.  Keep looking.
On my right was Kevin who'd dislocated his shoulder on Thursday.
Kevin can't drive for three to six weeks.  How do you think He got here?
Keep thinking.
Last night after dinner Chris and I went to Dairy Queen to get blizzards buy one get one for a quarter.  The line was literally to the door.  The team manager was having a rough day.  She made small blizzards instead of mediums, so she had to throw them away and start over.  Based on the look on her face, this was one of many things that had gone wrong.  A woman in front of us started chewing this employee out. 

"You've thrown away $30 worth of stuff.  I know you've had a bad day but you cannot let your customers see you like this.  I've worked in retail a LONG TIME and you CANNOT let your customers see you like this.  Did you notice?  They're all standing in line patiently waiting why you throw a fit..."

She went on for a very long time.  I don't understand how that was supposed to be beneficial for the employee.  Both of the women were wrong.  The woman behind us in line looked at the "angry woman" and said, "We all heard that."  I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe she was saying "shut up"... until she got to the front of the line and whispered to her daughter, "Make sure that employee doesn't spit in our blizzards." 

Chris and I both agreed this was "more awkward than 'The Office'" but neither one of us did anything about it.  Why?  We were scared the rest of the line was going to leap down our throats (maybe that would have healed my sore throat).  Back up: we were scared.  I wanted to give the employee a smile or wish her a good day but she never acknowledged my presence.  I would have had to go out of my way to wish this woman a good day and I chickened out.

My intentions were good.
Good intentions don't get you anywhere.  Picking up Kevin and sitting with Emma are good starts but neither one inconvenienced you.  In fact, they both mean you don't have to sit in the pew alone.
I like sitting in the pew by myself!
It's my turn to talk.  Put the towel on, Katie.  Not just when you're at an inner-city church.  Not just when you feel like it or it's convenient to you.  Do it when it benefits My Kingdom.  Clean the bathroom when it's not your turn and do it without complaining.  Do the dishes even though you didn't dirty them.  Give someone a ride to the caf because it's raining; don't see it as a waste of gas.  Take up someone's dishes when you aren't headed that way.  Give up a computer during your 10:00 blog-hour to let someone do homework.  Put the towel on and serve the least of these.  Touch the untouchables.  Worship means so much more than singing.
We've talked about this before.
We have; you needed a reminder today.
Ok, got it.  Can I have my voice back now?Nope.  You know ASL; use those signs.

<>< Katie-Doo

Elizabeth: Between Katie and Adam someone is always sneezing today.
Adam: Nah, I'm always sneezing; it's not just today.
Elizabeth: Well, you're doing it excessively, and I'd like you to stop.

Snow Church

In my entire life, I have only missed church twice due to weather. Both of them were because it would not have been safe for us to drive to church, never because church was cancelled. My church has a motto, "Church does not have a snowday. If the service is schedule to happen, it will come to fruition. It's up to you to decide whether it is safe for you to come to church or not. We will be here." We've even had pastors spend the night at church to make sure the service would happen.

My church at school doesn't follow this same mantra. Yesterday I received an email,

In the least surprising news of the day, church services have been cancelled for tomorrow. Be safe and please let me know if you have some special need that the deacons of the church might be able to help with (especially if someone finds themselves without power, heat, etc.).

Huh? Most of my friends received similar messages from their churches. At dinner, we decided we needed to take matters into our own hands and made an executive decision to have our own church service. When there's no church, come to to Snow Church. (please read that sentence aloud)

What started out as a bizarre idea for our apartment and the guys' apartment to get together to share life turned into an epic worship service where over sixty people braved the ice-covered sidewalks and slid in to worship. There were no microphones, no sound system, no sermon... the only real plan was to be done in an hour.

An hour and a half later, we all dismissed and slid across campus to lunch. That unplanned, pure worship was phenomenal. An acoustic guitar started us off with a few worship songs and we ended the day with a piano-led hymn. In the middle, we opened up the floor for anyone led to share: sing, talk about God, pray, read scripture, share a testimony, etc. I was prepared to share about the falling snow but the opportunity never presented itself and I don't regret that. Instead, Snow Church embraced the latest push on campus to be transparent.

I love being in a community where we can be vulnerable and share our pasts and be open about challenges of sexual abuse, pornography additions, suicidal intentions, drug use, abortion... The list goes on. I love being in a community where we can put aside these histories and view each other with compassion and love. I love being in a community that even when we represent a plethora of different denominations we can be united as one body. I love being in a community where even snow and ice cannot keep us from gathering together and worshipping our God.

Coming off of Celebration Week, we would not let satan have our Sunday morning and sixty-some brothers and sisters in Christ united as one and praised our Abba Father.

I think it's safe to say Snow Church was epic!
<>< Katie

"For where two or three come together in My Name, there am I with them." -Matthew 18:20

Come Alive

"What are you doing?"
"My spirit is praising."
"Well your spirit needs to tell your body to come alive because the two are not communicating very well."

Mark Schultz said this to his wife one day after she'd worked 30 hours. She came home, and Mark was playing piano. Standing there she lifted her arms just a little bit and looked half dead.

How often do we do the same? Look half dead but are still praising? It's much easier to be physically and spiritually dead and go to bed. Nope. Come alive; come alive.

"Bring your broken unto Me lift it up and you will see that a love can make a heart that's been defeated come alive; come alive. My love is stronger than your weakest moment my grace is greater than your worst mistake no matter where you've been I'm waiting at the end of your weakest road." - God (Through Mark Schultz's "Come Alive")

<>< Katie

Dance-Party

I had a dance party in my car last night. There were only three invitations: Peder Eide (and his invisible band blasting through the stereo), God, and me. But we had a blast! Worship in alternative form! I checked my blind spot a lot (even though I was on a two-lane country highway) because my Heavenly Father is an artist and He painted a beautiful sunset just for me! I love Him! The light drizzle, awesome sunset, and country highway seemed like the perfect opportunity to praise Him with the dance. There were times when I wanted to lift my hands in the air and close my eyes (Except I didn't because I was driving).

Have you spent some good, quality time with your Abba Father lately? You don't have to say a word. You can borrow someone else's [words] if it helps. Just be with Him and do whatever the Spirit leads. Sing. Dance. Scream. Cry. Whatever feels appropriate. This is your Best Friend, remember, so there's no reason to be embarrassed. He loves you more than you'll ever know.

Have a party with Jesus today,
<>< Katie

Worship in Alternative Forms

On Wednesday, I didn’t really want to be at Lifest. There were a plethora of reasons; namely: very few of my favorite artists were going to be there, after seven years it had become mundane, and my “I’m bored; let’s go get lost in the mosh pit” mother was leaving me with the responsibility of chaperoning my sisters.

I thought about our past six years worth of Lifests, and the plethora of funny memories flooded my head. The time Michael W. Smith finally played “Never Been Unloved” live after years of begging. Having our minivan pushed into the muddy parking lot. Steven Curtis Chapman’s first return to the stage following Maria’s death. How Mark Schultz’s water bottle earned a standing ovation. Watching TobyMac in a downpour and using a lawn chair as an umbrella. Don’t get me wrong, those stories are hilarious, but they aren’t what Lifest is about.

When asked to summarize this past Friday in one sentence, I said, “Worship in alternative form.” That’s exactly what Lifest is all about. I feel like after seven years, I finally got it. Lifest isn’t about sticking plywood in your elbows for four hours to be in the front of the mosh pit that night. It isn’t about finally having the opportunity to meet your favorite band. It isn’t the perfect time to destroy your eating habits. It isn’t even a great excuse to stay up until one am every day. Rather, Lifest is an opportunity to see God in a new way. Worship in alternative form(s).

Sure, it’s pretty basic. If someone else had said it over the past six years, I definitely would have agreed. I have great God moments from previous Lifests. Kneeling on fist-sized rocks with my arms stretched towards the beautiful blue sky crying out to my Abba Father. Listening to Peter Fuller of Newsboys talk about how God’s timing is perfect only for his sentence to be interrupted by a nearby train (“and you laugh”). Something about this year was different. Agreeing that “church has left the building” and applying the concept are two different things.

Of course, I’ve got silly stories from this year, too. Matthew West writing a spontaneous song about brats. Skillet’s opinion on illegal music downloads and still loving the audience for free. Officially becoming part of BarlowGirl. Hitting Aaron Shust in the head with my cowboy hat. Getting chastised by Mark Schultz for singing along to one of his songs that hasn’t been released yet. Dancing, jumping, singing, and worshipping with my arms around complete strangers. Singing two commercials with several hundred of my new “family members.” Following Peder Eide around as he moved from stage to stage. Except I had to look through my journal to remember all of those silly things.

The things I remember off of the top of my head are memories about closing my eyes singing and signing praises to God as raindrops fell softly onto my face and Phillips, Craig, and Dean led us in worship. Singing “Open the Eyes of My Heart” and having Peder Eide cut off the audience telling us only to sing if we really believed it and were aware of what we were singing. Watching Bob Lenz on the jumbotron saying, “God is bigger than your pains” as the beautiful sun set behind him. Singing hymns on Mountain Dew and confessing "Yes, I believe." Finally understanding how worship is truly "tasting and seeing that the Lord is good."

To anyone else, my Lifest may look like a let-down. I only went to 3 events not at the Grandstand. I waited in line for 2 Meet and Greets. Yet to me, it was worth every $2.50 bottle of water to sit outside in a sea of lawn chairs and read 1 Samuel in a new light. I will repeat “We’re family, and I love you,” to more strangers if it also means I can also shout “God is good. All the time.” A misconception that’s been stuck in my head for the last six years has finally disappeared, and praying for no rain for five days will never be the same.

How easily do we lose focus on what Lifest is all about? On what life itself is all about?

Brian's Big Mess

Neither Amber nor I wanted to go to church this morning. It's really hard to get up early to go to a church you don't love. We were both dragging our feet because we were exhausted, but we went anyway.

We got there and managed to find ourselves in the first row (AHH!!! Cardinal sin in the Lutheran church). Across the aisle was worship leader Brian and his wife Emily (who we know from school). Well, halfway through the sermon, Amber and I hear a huge SPLASH and our eyes dart to Brian and Emily. Brian spilled his glass of water on the floor. Not just any glass of water. A HUGE glass of water and it went all over himself, his Bible, the floor, and almost all over me, too!

We laughed histerically as this huge puddle spanned the aisle. I'm really glad no one came down for the altar call because I am quite sure they would have tripped. (And it would have been my responsibility save them... wouldn't that be a great, "How'd you break your arm?" story?). The usher during the offering came by and had to step very carefully as he looked down disapprovingly at the mess. He quickly came back and mopped it up... in the middle of the service... as he sang praises to God. :-)

After church Brian teased that he was cleansed for the sin of wrinkles. Don't know you the 11th Commandment? Thou shall not have wrinkled pants on Sunday. What does this mean? We should fear and love God that we eliminate ourselves from wrinkles or face the dreaded water cup. :-)

In Christ,
<>< Katie

Song of the Sick

Well, it's official: I have the cold that's going around. Despite washing my hands incessantly and drinking a case of water (and then some) in four days (approximately 13 liters), I am sick. I wonder if orthodontists know that translucent sheath retainers make it almost impossible to breathe.

When I get sick, it attacks my speaking voice first followed by my singing voice. Even though I've sounded like crap all day, I was able to sing to God tonight and actually keep the song in the right key! It was an amazing miracle!

By the end of night, my singing voice was going quickly and I started squoaking. Well, go figure the next song was "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns. My sign choir did this song last year, so when my voice disappeared, I praised God with my hands.

Lord, God, I give You all that I have. I will praise You will all that I have. Whether You take those abilities away from me or not, I will praise You!

In Christ,
<>< Katie

"I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Psalm 86:12