Listen

I woke up with a sore throat.  I had hoped it would get better as the day progressed.  It didn't.  By the middle of the afternoon I sounded like Kermit the frog.

Wonderful.

I thought about not going to small group.  It was a 45 minute drive there at the end of rush hour and a 45 minute drive back at 11pm.  I was already exhausted from making that same trek once that morning.  And I was sick.

Do I go and risk infecting other people with this sudden illness?  Do I stay home and try to fight it?

I'm not a "stay home because I have a cold" person.  I get colds a lot, so I'd miss out on a lot of life if I stayed home every time.

So over to the mansion I drove.  When I got there, I learned half of the other people had colds, too.  Last week we were all healthy; this week we had a germ-sharing party.

A sniffler.  A sneezer.  Kermit.  What a choir!

Out came the guitar to sing some praise and worship songs.

Sometimes my speaking voice "frogs" before my singing voice or vice versa.  It's rare they're both nasty at the same time.  But, then again, I don't usually go from fine to Kermit in one day.

I apologized to the girl sitting next to me and tried to sing.  Yup, nothing.

Time to move my lips and life a joyful noise from my heart...

Time to listen.  Losing your normal voice is like being put in time out.  Sometimes it's just not physically possible to speak.  Other times it hurts.  Or you just don't want to hear yourself.

"I'm worshipping YOU, God," I said in my traditional frog-voice campaign.

Listen, God spoke to my heart.

Is this like Guatemala but without the orange paint? I want to sing.

Listen.  You sang on Sunday.

Thank You that I had a voice to participate in such a wonderful, Spirit-filled praise and worship service on Sunday.  I'm sorry it took losing my voice today to be grateful for something I took for granted yesterday.  Lesson learned.  [pause] Can I have it back now?

<>< Kermit

Stench

I am very slowly getting over a cold that has stolen my sense of smell for almost the last week.  I didn't really miss smells because the most prevalent smell in our home is a repercussion of the weird food our dog has to eat.

Unfortunately, my sense of smell is returning and I too now groan when the dog lets one rip.

Or when someone starts the stove.  Or when Dad gargles and then gives me a hug.  Or when my sister uses too much perfume.

Suddenly every smell is suffocating.  Anything with a scent makes me gag.

Isn't that life with the Holy Spirit?  Sometimes you don't realize what you're missing until you have it.  And then once the Holy Spirit begins to change your life, everything you once did makes you gag.

Of course, eventually smells will go back to being a normal part of my day (I can't wait!) and not overwhelming.

As we continue our faith journey, we grow more content with whatever our "normal" has become.  Those things that once repulsed us are accepted now.  We blaze through things that once made us pause and reflect.

Stop!  Pay attention to what you're doing! 

Breathe in the beautiful scent of life and exhale the rancid stench of sin.

<>< Katie

"Two in the Bed and the Little One Said..."

Everyone was still over watching Glee one Thursday night last year, but I had a different agenda: avoid the sixteen people in the living room and get to bed.

I accomplished my mission and was ready to head into dream-world when the bedroom door opened, shining light into my dark room.  I thought it was my roommate.  Until I saw a head pop up at the foot of my bed.  I slept in a loft last year, just far enough away from the ceiling that I could sit straight up.  The only people that climbed up there were me and whoever was attached to the head at the foot of my bed.

The head became shoulders and she army crawled towards me.

"Katie," she hissed.  "Are you asleep?"

I considered faking it, but I could not stifle my laughter.

"I didn't get a good night hug."

Melia crawled all of the way up to the head of my bed, gave me a hug, crawled backwards, and tried to climb down the ladder.  The ladder was built for me, and I am literally eight inches taller than she is.

This started a long-standing joke about how Melia was going to sleepover one night and sleep in my bed.

"I get the wall," she always called.  If someone was falling six feet out of bed, it was going to have to be me.

Over the summer, we shared a double bed one night.  But there was no wall side.

Last weekend, we had three friends visit us, all of whom needed places to sleep.  Our futon folds down to sleep two, but the third was out of luck.

Katie: Melia can sleep with me.
Melia: Seriously?
Katie: As long as I get the wall.

My bed is only four feet off of the ground this year, but that's still not a fall I want to make.

On Sunday night, Melia and I jumped into my bed and were pleasantly surprised to discover we both fit.  We had an agreement.  If either one of us couldn't sleep, we were going to take a spare blanket and sleep on the loveseat.  No hurt feelings.

Jennifer: If you guys can't sleep, wake me up.  One of you can sleep in my bed, and I'll sleep on the floor."

Jennifer seriously can sleep anytime, anywhere.  There are nights I'm up working on homework with the light on, music playing, and paper shuffling when I look over and notice she is asleep.

Melia: Do you have enough space?
Katie: Yup.  Do you have enough pillow?
Melia: Yes.  If I get too hot, I'm just going to do what I did this summer and throw all of the covers on you.
Katie: Perfect!

In the morning, Melia and I compared notes.  We both slept well.  I wasn't cold, first time ever.  The only real challenge was rolling over, but I only got poked in the eye once.

Jennifer had different notes.  She got a horrible night's sleep.  Quite possibly because she was afraid she would wake one of us up if she rolled over.  Now that's selflessness!  To be afraid to roll over at night because one of the girls in the other bed might wake up.

<>< Katie

The Nose Knows

It's happened.  I've been waiting patiently all semester and it has finally come to fruition.  A cold has taken up residence in my body and no amount of hand sanitizer, bottled water, or Zicam will be evicting my newest suitemate. Until it decides to leave on its own terms, I will be sanitizing everything I look at.

But you know what?  It's ok.  Don't get me wrong, breathing is really annoying right now, but if it's March and I just now got sick for the first time: it's been a good year!

The other day at sign choir practice, Lizzie and I got into each others' sign space.  Her hand got a little too close to my face.  If Malachi poking me in the nose made it bleed, Lizzie's fingers definitely would have come out covered in ... censored.  Ew gross!  Filter, Katie, filter. 

The sign Lizzie almost sent up my nose was "God."  Yes, Lizzie's God almost went up my nose.  Sometimes we need God to bloody our boogy nose before He gets our attention.  That shouldn't be the case but it is reality.  He shouldn't have to take such drastic measures before we give Him our undivided attention.  Yet we're too busy running around trying to stay healthy, be productive, and keep the peace that we don't find the time to thank Him for our health, work, and relationships.  We don't take a second and look for Him in those situations; we wait until He's taken drastic measures before we focus on Him.

Take a second and thank Him.  Ask Him to reveal Himself to you in a new way today.

As for me, I will do the same.  I'll also make sure I'm rexercising ("rest" and "exercise" combined) to make sure this cold doesn't apply to be my roommate for next year.  Oh, and since Zicam recalled their excellent up-the-nose product, I'll try to make sure the only thing headed up my nose is a tissue... and the occasional finger.  Kidding.  I think.

<>< Katie

Brrrrr

Disclaimer: I don't think all of my reading audience will be able to fully grasp this blog. It's not that it's difficult to comprehend but rather if you haven't spent the better part of three (or sometimes four) months with single-digit temperatures and your brown grass is completely hidden by multiple inches (or feet) of snow, you might not fully be able to grasp this concept. However, I encourage you to try and fully understand the idea of cabin fever.

"I'm cold."
A quick glance around my room will make it obvious that I've said this once or twice before. The space heater, the (literally) seven layers on my bed, and the polar fleece blanket stored right next to my desk for easy access are clear give-aways to my latest refrain.

"I'm cold."
Except today it's different. Today it isn't a "When did I move to Antarctica?" cold. Rather, today was an "It's too early and chilly to open the windows but I'm doing it anyway because it's wonderful!" cold.

There's nothing like a warm day in the middle of a harsh winter. The warm day brings hope. It brings the reminder than someday this frigid winter will pass and spring will come.

Life is like that, too. Glimmers of hope amidst dark days. Reminders of why we crawl out of bed. Can you find your warm day?

It doesn't have to be life-shattering. In fact, in the dead of winter, a 50 degree day feels warm enough to take off your jacket and don your shorts. Sure, six months from now it won't feel phenomenal but six months from now isn't when you'll need hope of spring. It's right now that you need hope of spring and therefore 50 is simply blissful!

Find your warm day today!

<>< Katie

BANG

With a good-book in my hand, I was curled up in the coziness of my bed with two blankets, a comforter, and Mom's homemade quilt (don't get me started on our air conditioning situation...). I was confident, safe, amused, and lost deep within a another world when suddenly I was rudely ripped back to reality.

I don't know which I heard first: the banging or the screaming. My mind went wild.

Someone just fired gunshots in my living room, I panicked, imaging the worst case scenario. My suitemates are out there bleeding to death, the thoughts continued as I contemplated the best way down from my loft: climb or leap. What if the gun-man is still out there?

Wait a second, that didn't sound like gun-fire, I noted. This isn't inner-city Chicago; this is the middle of nowhere. Way too creative, Miss Writer. I began to think of more plausible ideas. The guys on first floor felt their snow-ball pelting a few weeks ago was inadequate and we've become their target once again? Bottle rockets? Fire crackers?

"Gosh, I love the smell of sulfur," Nikki moaned; Allyson and Jo still screaming incomprehensible words.

Once I realized we weren't all going to die and my heart stopped pounding, I turned back to my book and instantly could felt my face turn red. The book in my hands? Fearless by Max Lucado. The Chapter? "Worst-Case Scenario." Yup. Maybe I should start reading that chapter again.

<>< Katie

The War is Over

Thankful for the three layers under her red winter jacket, she sits in a rocking chair on the front porch. The cars cruise down the highway, most of them obliviously to her obscure location.

Wishing she'd opted for the hot chocolate instead, she attempts to maneuver her gloved hand around the spoon in her McFlurry. Her dinner, a Taco Bell Chulupa with chicken, sits in her lap forgotten. Not unlike she is.

"You want to let me in?" she calls on her cell phone.

"Oh... uh... shoot... well... see... uh... um... we're still at the grocery store," explains the voice on the other end. "We're on our way back," he lies.

The clock tower lets out a chime. It's 5:45. According to the invitation, the Superbowl party in the boys' dorm started fifteen minutes earlier. For the first time in her life, she's glad she didn't arrive on time.

The ice cream in her cup does not threaten to melt, but she's slowly losing feeling in her fingers as she touches the plastic spoon to her lips.

"He begged me to come," she said aloud to herself, remembering the pleading facebook messages asking her to ditch the Superbowl party in her apartment to attend his. Now he's failed to arrive at his own party and left her sitting in the cold.

Ten minutes later, the ice cream is gone; she is still waiting. Suddenly, the door behind her pops open revealing the morgue turned boy's dorm as her party host bursts out into the chilling winter night. She glances at her watch and starts up at him.

"We have chips," he says with a sly smile.

Of course, chips make her frost bite worthwhile because now instead of begging for mercy, he'll beg for grace, and he'll want it in the form of cheese chip dip. Yet she'll give it. If only in the name of forgiveness and familial love.
-------
Dear Mr. Kevin Kassakatis,
I was not going to update my blog twice today. However, your tasteless, rude behavior this evening left me no choice. I have considered this your forfeiting the war and will being my victory dance as soon as I thaw.
Kind regards,
<>< Katie Ax
PS: But I still love you.

Chilling Conversation

I wrote one of these awhile ago and everyone begged me to do another one. Well, they're incredibly difficult to write because they're very personal. This was yesterday morning when I returned to me seat following communion. I bowed my head and was hit in the face.
<>< Katie

Katie
God

Oh my gosh it's frigid in here! It's Christmastime; why is the air conditioner still on?
Hey, you're the smart one that sat in the same seat twice in one week. Didn't you learn on Christmas Eve?
I feel like I'm sitting in a wind tunnel!
At least you can feel.
Not helping.
I'm serious. Your friend with Lyme disease's body doesn't control temperature correctly. Yours does.
But I'm always cold. I'm already wearing a sweater and long pants. I can't put much more on.

You have a coat.
Then it won't do me an good when I go outside. Have You noticed it's 16 degrees outside, Mr. I Control the Weather?
I have noticed.
Did You also notice I don't have any gloves?
You have gloves.

No, I don't! They're at home in the dryer because they were germy. What a day to wash my gloves!
That's My point. You have gloves... a plethora of gloves. A red pair in your peacoat, a blue pair that belong in Wonder Jacket but are in the dryer right now, a purple pair for texting, a black pair for skiing... Katie, you even have a pair of gloves you wear around the house.
But my hands are still chapped and cracked. All of those gloves aren't doing me any good right now!
But you have gloves. Remember the mitten tree in the atrium? Those kids are getting their one and only pair of gloves.
The mitten tree! That's a good idea! Maybe I'll borrow a pair for the day.
I can turn up the AC if you'd like.
No, thanks. Heat would be nice right about now.
Not until you realize what you do have... a working body--
Minus the spontaneous bleeding of my hands.
You have gloves, your choice of jackets, and think about all of the miscellaneous items stored in Wonder Jacket.

There aren't any gloves in Wonder Jacket right now, I already looked.
No, they're not home being washed. Not because they were dirty but because you think they're full of germs.
They were!
Do you used the washing machine, which you have.

Having a washing machine isn't preventing me from turning into an ice cube right now. You know those cartoons were people are frozen in solid blocks of ice? That's what going to happen here today.

No, it won't. I'll make sure it doesn't happen, but I want you to forget about being cold and just listen. I know that's hard for you but try. For Me?

Ok... fine...

Oh Boy

A few weeks ago I had a cold. I picked up a roll of toilet paper, used some as a tissue, and set the roll back down. It rolled off the shelf. I caught it, picked it up, and set it back on the shelf. It rolled off, and I little voice went off inside my head,
"Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results."
I turned the roll on it's end and it actually stayed on the shelf.

Now I'm officially insane. And according to the plethora of ADHD tests online, I am also ADHD. Life is good... I guess...

"Just because I can have ten conversations in two minutes does NOT mean I have ADHD!"

<>< Katie

Song of the Sick

Well, it's official: I have the cold that's going around. Despite washing my hands incessantly and drinking a case of water (and then some) in four days (approximately 13 liters), I am sick. I wonder if orthodontists know that translucent sheath retainers make it almost impossible to breathe.

When I get sick, it attacks my speaking voice first followed by my singing voice. Even though I've sounded like crap all day, I was able to sing to God tonight and actually keep the song in the right key! It was an amazing miracle!

By the end of night, my singing voice was going quickly and I started squoaking. Well, go figure the next song was "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns. My sign choir did this song last year, so when my voice disappeared, I praised God with my hands.

Lord, God, I give You all that I have. I will praise You will all that I have. Whether You take those abilities away from me or not, I will praise You!

In Christ,
<>< Katie

"I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Psalm 86:12

Lord, I'm Amazed by You

Picture this:
It's July, so I'm eating ice cream.
Yet I'm standing outside wearing long pants and a hoodie because it's not even 60 degree outside.

What's wrong with this picture?

Nothing.

I am at a bonfire with 50 of my closest friends. (No, I'm not close enough to actually feel the fire therefore I am physically shaking).
We're being led in hymns like
"How Great Thou Art"
"O Come All Ye Faithful" (no, I'm not kidding... it's not the first nor second Christmas song I've sung this weekend either, haha)
"Lord, I'm Amazed by You".

A great night of worship praising our Abba Father!

Good night everyone,
<>< Katie