Hypocrite

Nikki asked me to write a very transparent short piece about on campus interactions with non-Christians.  She wanted me to write those things that I'd never say out loud to anyone.  A bunch of us had similar assignments that would be recorded as sound clips over videos of campus.

As I pondered this assignment, I was immediately drawn to the Great Divide that is the cafeteria salad bar.  Our school has a long-standing joke that the salad bar divides the campus: Christian, non-athletes on one side; non-Christian, athletes on the other.  Of course, there are exceptions, but this is the stereotype.

Sometimes I forget there are non-Christians here, too.  But then I walk on the wrong side of the salad bar to get some yogurt. Instantly I feel judged and unwelcome.  Like I'm supposed to be perfect because I love Jesus.  I'm supposed to always love, always care, and always be willing to help. 

"I'm not perfect," I want to shout.  Like that's an excuse.  An excuse to exhibit un-Christ-like behavior.  An excuse to be inconsiderate.  An excuse to judge.

It's not them, it's me who's doing the judging.  I shoot evil glares when I see someone struggling in class.  I avoid non-Christians like they have some kind of contagious disease I'm going to catch just from looking them in the eye.

Some of my close family members aren't Christians; they're not poisonous.  I hug, love, and serve them.  Why can't I do the same for my peers?

The night the video played and my northern accent ran through the full auditorium I realized that we divide ourselves even there at worship.  I had accidentally chosen a seat behind four boys who... well, aren't from my side of the salad bar.

They sat an empty seat between each of them so that their legs in athletic shorts or sweatpants could be spread apart.  They were so buff they could have swallowed me whole if they had wanted to. 

The head of the man right in front of me blocked my view of the speaker.  The speaker who looks like the stereotypical Jesus and has my same haircut.  Instead of marveling at these things, I was stuck staring at this guy's backwards baseball cap with our mascot on it.  Our mascot that looks like he's sharting.

He wasn't the only one.  Someone near me, potentially one of the four athletes who could swallow me whole, let one rip.  I didn't hear it.  I just smelled it.  Check your shorts, dude!

My dad's the king of SBDs.  I grew up surrounded by rancid rear-end smells.  If I have to breathe in through my mouth, it's bad!  It was bad!

"Some of my family members are not Christians.  I hug, love, and serve them.  Why can't I do the same for my peers?"

You hypocrite!

For the next hour I watched Mr. Swallow Me Whole.  He had his Bible with him.  After flipping to the scripture passage for the night, he handed it to his friend two seats over.  Then he pulled out his "assorted electronic device" and read along with the Jesus-twin speaker.  He removed his hat when we prayed.  He pulled the "Statue of Liberty" and sang along.  He even gave an "Amen!"

You hypocrite!

You talk about destroying the salad bar divide and you build a brick wall between you and the seat in front of you!  All because you're scared.  Scared that such a large man might have a heart for Christ.  Scared that your brother might swallow you whole.  Scared that God hears both of your prayers.  Katie, that's ridiculous.

Mr. Swallow Me Whole, it was a joy to worship behind you last week.  Thank you for not biting off my head when I realized I was a hypocrite.  Let's do it again sometime.  But maybe I'll bring some air freshener.

<>< Katie

Wacky Wednesday

Allyson: I had to put studs in my ears because my right ear was growing up.
Jennifer: Really?  Getting more mature, too?
Katie: Is it going to graduate high school?

Andy: Katie, go home.
Katie: I am home.  You can leave.

Nikki: The way Katie plays with hair stresses me out.

Nikki: NO PDA!
Elizabeth: That wasn't PDA!  He blew a raspberry on my cheek!  There's no affection!

Katie: Nikki, I find it really easy to appreciate you when I don't see you.

Katie [voice]: Andy, if you're in the bathroom for more than five minutes, I'm calling 911.
[Five minutes later]
Katie [text]: It's been five minutes.  I'm calling 911.
Andy [text]: I am 911!
Katie [voice]: ANDY!
Andy [voice... from the bathroom]: What?
Katie: This boy's been in my bathroom for more than five minutes.

Katie: You guys can come to my wedding, but it won't be dry.
Jennifer: Then I'm bringing a poncho.

Matt: Missions is praying, giving, and going.  If you're not a missionary, you're a mission field.

Nikki: Half the things they talk about in that song we don't do on campus. ["Cheats" by Carrie Underwood]
Katie: Break into cars.  Slash tires.
Andy: Listen to country music.

Amber: Is it weird that I don't like being complemented on my interpreting because I don't want to interpret?
Katie: No.  It's like me being complemented on my poetry.

Elizabeth: Katie, while you're just standing there, would you make some chocolate chip cookies please? [We don't have an oven]

Elizabeth: Why can't we just defrost the dough in the oven?
Nikki: Because the oven is not a defroster.
Elizabeth: Then put them in the microwave.
Amy: This IS college!  I'll call my mom.  Mom, this is an emergency!  Do we have to thaw the cookie dough before we make them?  The directions say to thaw completely but we want cookies NOW!

Katie: I color my hair so I don't get confused for my sister.
Nikki: I never get confused for my sister.  Mostly because I'm twice her size.
Jennifer: Dye it--
Nikki: Diet?
Jennifer: --red.

Allyson: Guys, it sounds and feels like there's a thunderstorm in my stomach.
Jennifer: Oooh!  I want to hear it!
Katie: Is there lightning too?

Nikki: Katie, I don't understand you sometimes.  I wish I were you sometimes.

Church member: Where's your baby?
New Father: We took her back.
College student: Did you get your money back?
New Father: No, you always lose money on those kinds of things.

Nikki: I'd like to make an announcement: It's the day before Tuesday.  It's Monday.

Katie: What does it say?
Stephen: Avada Kedavra.
Sara: You just killed Katie Ax!
Katie: AHHH!  That's ok.  God gave me new life.

Katie: Better [dropping a computer] on a glass table than on my head.

Amy: Make origami.
Katie: I don't know how to make any origami that's pretty.
Jennifer: Like me.
Katie: If I knew origami, I would make a pretty you.  Or if I were your parents.
Jennifer, Amy: What did you say?
Katie: I said what you thought I said.
Amy: You said, 'your pants?'

Denaj: Jesus is a great editor.

Matt: God wouldn't expect you to do the impossible.

Katie: I'm donating blood tomorrow.
Andy: Are you going to let me start your IV?
Katie: Are you going to be there?
Andy: No.
Katie: Then no.
Andy: Do you have good veins?
Katie [rolling up my sleeve to look]: Yes?
Andy: I could hit them with a needle from across the room.  Yes!

Jennifer: I want to say something funny so you will write it in your nerdy notebook.
Nikki, Katie: That doesn't count.

David: Slim pickins.
Heather: Good thing God doesn't say that about us!

Rob: God will move mountains if we're willing to put in the shovel.

Jonathan Martin: If you ask for the fire of God to fall down, just be prepared because you never know what you're going to get.

Katie: ... yogurt out the wazoo.
Nikki: Ew!  I don't eat yogurt from the wazoo.
Jennifer: What's a wazoo?
Nikki: I think it's some secret anatomical place.
Katie: Ask Andy.
Jennifer: He would know: he's a wa who lives in a zoo.

Jonathan Martin: What have you done today without expecting anything in return?

Jennifer: Katie, you're lamo kablamo.  Put on your wrinkle shirt and lick a bone!

Katie: I'm going to go to my room.  People like me there.
Nikki: Katie, there's no one in there.
Katie: Your point?

Katie: It smells like campfire in here.
Elizabeth: Yeah, I'm straightening my hair.

Katie: Did you do anything fun today?
Andy: No, I didn't [because] I didn't work today.  BUT!  I did sign up for some EMS hours.

Nikki: Vulnerability and transparency.  They're yucky and they're good.  They're like vegetables.

By the way, I gave in and am now on Twitter (@KatieAx3), so you can follow our suite bantering in real-time and see quotes that inspire me throughout the day.

Happy Wednesday!  I pray no one is drowning in the Snowpocalypse.

<>< Katie

What have you read?

As I was running late to class, Amber sent me a text message.  "What have you read today?  It's for a class."

I left her a long, rambling voicemail that went something like this,

"I read a chapter in Lipstick in Afghanistan, a handout for class, fifty pages in a textbook, blogs, a letter of recommendation that waived my right to see but the professor gave me anyway, emails, facebook updates, um... the caf menu... um... I haven't read my Bible yet but will before the day's over."

It was 3:00 in the afternoon.  I'd gone to three classes, eaten breakfast and lunch, submitted my last graduate school application, played badminton, harassed Evan about his bland office, and five minutes earlier I had single-handedly kept my suitemate conscious.  (Unfortunately, "Saving lives and getting to class on time" could become a blog series... she's much better now but it was a scary afternoon).  It had been a busy day.  But I hadn't spent any time in the Word.

As I write this, it's 11:30pm.  Guess what I still haven't done today?

Yeah, that nearly-completed blog-post is going to have to wait until tomorrow.  I've got an important appointment to fulfill a promise.  Actually, two promises.  One to Amber and one to the Lord.

There are days when getting into the Word is the last thing on the to-do list and prayer seems like a waste of time.  I have a lot of those days, I'll be honest.

But I'm slowly learning to push through.  I try to read the Bible even though I'd rather be reading be reading a fiction novel. I try to pray even though I'd rather be in conversation with my (not dying) suitemates.

To an extent, that's normal.  There is a fine line between establishing a healthy habit, persisting even when you're "not feeling it" and going through the motions.  Find that line.  Persevere.  Even if it feels a little insincere.

"What we call insincerity, God calls obedience." - Jonathan Martin  "Sometimes God's doing the most profound changing in your life when you don't feel His presence but you keep showing up."

Keep showing up.  Even when it's hard.

Ok, for real now.  "Today" has become "yesterday" and the book of Exodus still calls. 

Friends, what have you read today?

<>< Katie