Wacky Wednesday

Katie: Sometimes broken things are worth keeping.
Nikki: Like us.

Sara: I'm going to lick Cinderella's castle.
Heather: Or you could lick Mickey's butt.  Or you could lick the trash can Goofy touched.  Or you could lick the road where everyone walks.  Or you could lick David's face.  Do all of these sound ridiculous?  So does licking Cinderella's castle!

Katie: Go outside by the puke.
Andy: You want us to buy you some puke?  That's a waste of money.  We could just produce it naturally for you.
Katie: If I ever need any puke, you'll be the first person that I call.
[Elizabeth and Andy kiss loudly]
Katie: I have my own naturally-produced puke now.  Thank you.

Elizabeth: Jennifer!  Do not chip clip your eyelashes!

Nikki: Katie, I'm pretty sure you're one-fourth dog.  I'm going to get a dog whistle just to annoy you because I'm sure you'll hear it.

Katie: Dork.
Jennifer: I'm not a dork.
Katie: "Dork" is a term of endearment just like sassing is a love language.
Jennifer: A dorking is a pigeon with five toes.
Katie: I've also heard a dude is an infected hair on an elephant's butt, but I don't believe that either.
Jennifer: [laughing hysterically] Allyson!  Come here, dude!
[She proceeded to call everyone a dude and laughed all night]

Andy [making lunch for our student teachers]: Do you want ketchup or grape jelly?
Amy: A mix of both.
Andy: Don't tempt me.
Amy: Andy, I like my sandwich cut in the same of animals.
Elizabeth: I like mine cut like monuments.
Andy: Amy, yours are cut like quadrilaterals.

Jennifer: I wish I could buy an eraser just to erase things.

Eva: She's high maintenance.
Evan: That's my fiance she's talking about.
Katie: Are you going to let her talk that way about your fiance?
Evan [with pride]: I like maintaining her.

Katie: I'm studying English, Spanish, and American Sign Language.  This summer I'm going to China.
Josh: You realize none of those languages are going to help you in China, right?

Hannah: What's Katie's last name?  Axelson or Axelton?
Matthew: Have you seen Katie?!  It's not AxelTON.

Jennifer: I could be like a hamster and stick the candy in my cheeks, take it up to my tower, and eat it there!

Grandma: Yeah, we had burnt carrots--
Grandpa: --We had burnt carrots, burnt broccoli, and burnt offerings...

Jennifer: Katie, if I finished your sentences they'd start with words and end with numbers.

Danielle: I don't know how to wrestle Katie.  I'm afraid I'm going to break her in half!
Katie: I told you, she could lift me with two fingers: it's not a fair fight.
[Later I was wrapped around her body and she was standing and spinning]
Jo: Oh!  Don't hurt her head!
Katie: But it's ok to hurt the rest of me?

Nikki: Sometimes I just really don't think it's fair that I  am so blessed with so many of you wonderful girls in my life when there are lonely people in this world. [beat] Maybe I should start pawning you off to lonely people. [beat] Katie, you're first!

Katie: The sauce-dressing stuff on this salad is so thick and overpowering that I can't tell what's chicken and what's a crouton.
Josh: I feel like that may be the point.

Jennifer: BRRRR!
Nikki: I'm sobrrrr!
Katie: I'm not.

Nikki: Andy, the word "sloughing" is in this book.  And I used it today.
Andy: In a periodical sense?

[In the coffee shop, Amber's giving the attention wave to her computer.  She was watching a video.  Entire conversation in ASL]
Katie: Are you talking to yourself?
Amber: No, I'm in class, and I'm copying the teacher.
Katie: Why?
Amber: Because it's fun.
Katie: So you are talking to yourself.  Or you're four.  Which?
Amber: That one! [the four]

Katie: Ladies, you crack me up!
Jennifer: Oh, do you need some glue?

Dr. D: I never sneeze in dark rooms.

Jennifer and Allyson: Do you need anything from the store or the bank or the coffee shop?
Katie: I mean, if the bank is giving out free samples, I'll take some.

Lauren: Oh, man!  This scratch paper she gave us is so big and antique-looking.  It intimidated me.  I had to get a piece of scratch paper for my scratch paper.

Jennifer: I don't want to go to dinner.  I forfeit dinner.

[Andy was studying.  I was reading with my head in Amy's lap; Amy was studying]
Andy: Katie, you have a laceration on the occipital portion of your head.
Katie: Amy, I'm sorry I'm bleeding to death in your lap.
Amy [pulling away]: WHAT?!

Jennifer [singing]: Holy, holy, holy!
Katie [spoken]: Can I finish my story?  Lord God Almighty.

Dr. H [female]: This is my stun gun. POW!
Matthew: Don't taze me, bro!

Jonathan Martin: When the Spirit is working, there is a strange cocktail of supernatural boldness and awareness of my fragility.  It's like His calling card.

Wacky Wednesday

"If life is worth living, then it is worth recording."

Jennifer: Is that your journal?
Katie: No, it's my Writer's Notebook.
Jennifer: What's the difference?  They're both writing, and they're both stupid.

Elizabeth: This is a fun game; there is no blood involved.
Andy: Clearly we have two different definitions of the word "fun."  Fun for me always involves blood.

Katie: We do do that.
Sara: Katie Ax said do-do!
Matthew:  Katie Ax is wearing a tutu?  Um... those are jeans.
Katie: I am not wearing a tutu!

Maintenance Man: What would make a shower head scream?

Amy: Moby [the fish] just ran into a spiderweb.

[Elizabeth had just taken some cough syrup]
Elizabeth: I knew that!
Andy: No you didn't.  You're drunk.
Elizabeth: What happened?
[a few days later]
Andy: You're drunk, too.
Katie: But I'm Lutheran; it's allowed.

Jennifer: Katie, it [a dust pan] is used for dirty things.  It's ok if people lick it.

Nikki: This is our pet cat.
Courtney: You should hear the story.  Really touching.  The arts and crafts store was just going to throw him out.
Nikki: So we saved him, but we laminated him when we found out Presley was allergic.
Presley: That's why he's so shiny.
[All three of them are petting a paper cat]

Jennifer: I didn't know if you like feet.
Katie: I don't like them in my nose, but I don't mind them in general.
Jennifer: My toes don't fit in your nose.  I have big toes and noses are generally small, but if you lie your nose will grow.  So, Katie, you need to say lots of lies, so my toes will fit in your nose.

Katie: Jennifer, you're a weird thing that happens.
Jennifer: I only happened once.

Karissa: Are you guys Apple people?
Katie: No, that's Megan's apple.  She asked me to get it for her from the caf.
Karissa: No, I meant are you a Mac or a Windows person?
Katie: Oh, Windows definitely.  But I can use Macs.

Holden: Last time we went fishing Christian got his line tangled in mine.  I just let my line out so he could untangle them, but he cut my line.  When I reeled it in there was nothing there.  He stole my hook!
Christian: He hit me in the face with a basketball.  He just threw it in the dark and it hit me in the face.
Holden: He beat me up with a bowling pin.
Christian: But he found a pool noodle.
[Unfortunately, I really believe these hold at least some elements of the truth]

Danielle: I love fire, but I hate ovens.  They scare me.  It's so hot in there.

Dr. Z: People don't suffocate on Saran Wrap with other people around.
[We didn't test this theory]

Jennifer: Cheese [pronounced "Cheeth"] is so much better than Twilight.

Jennifer: We should make a movie as a suite.
Andy: It should be a musical.
Jennifer: I was thinking more like a horror musical.
Elizabeth: I'm in charge of the fake blood!
Nikki: Andy's in charge of side effects.  I mean sound effects.
Amy: OOOH!  I'll kill Liz!

Allyson: What did the popsicle go best the peanut butter?
Nikki: Did you just mess up the joke and the punch line's in there?
Allyson: No!
Nikki: I think you did.  You're on drugs. [Legal, prescription ones]
Allyson: Wait!  What kind of fish goes best with peanut butter?  That was the joke on my popsicle.
Nikki: I don't know.
Allyson: Jelly fish!  [Bursts out laughing while Nikki blinks]

Jennifer [on Nikki's facebook wall]: Thanks for the popcycle dart that you kindly threw at my head.
Nikki: Well, whenever I'm finished with my pop-cycle and I'll move on to my rap-cycle and then into my country-cycle to be concluded with my jazz-cycle... oh and maybe I'll have a krunk-cycle... then I'll go to the freezer and grab a popsicle dart and kindly throw it at your head again... in other words... you're welcome.
Andy: AHHH!!  STOP talking about your cycles in the presence of men!
Jennifer: I hate rooming with English majors... obviously I can't spell because that POPSICLE dart hit me right in the temple and you could care less.
Nikki: Touche.  My aim, it is too accurate.  Almost in a mathematical sense, wouldn't you say?

Elizabeth: Now put your back arms on the pool noodle--
Katie: What do I do with my front arms?

Katie: Jamee actually updates her blog.
Kevin: You know what's funny?  I updated mine, what, three times over the summer and I have five new followers.  Katie updates hers everyday--
Katie: Not everyday!
John: Every other day, excuse us!  You know, I might delete mine.  It just takes too much thought and energy.
Kevin: I hate those two things!

To-do List

In February, sitting on my desk was a to-do list:

• Email staff writers
• Read for African American lit
• Read Playboy of the Western World
• Read Orchid of the Bayou
• write poem
• ILL for class (Inter-library Loan)
• change oil in car
• buy ink
• pointless paperwork

I returned from class to learn my to-do list has been modified:

• Harass Lizzie Poo about writing her articles
• Get scoliosis from African American lit book
• Read Playboy
• Read about the woman who won't go blind in "Orchard" of the Bayou
• blog a book review
• write poems
• be ill for class
• clean the apartment
• sanitize hands
• blog about it
• learn to play guitar (more than four chords)
• blog
• sanitize door knobs
• eat cheese
• blog
• Wii (but not the skiing Wii)
• Make cheese dip for sweet suitemates
• Blog
• Be mocked by Nikki

Thanks.

Actually, that last one has been crossed off... several times.

For two weeks we kept a sass chart known as "Mockery Madness." Every time someone sassed me they earned a point (except Andy who earned a drawing...). Sassing kind of became a game but we used golf-scoring meaning whoever had the lowest score won.

Our predictions were accurate: Nikki lost by a landslide and Jo won. Nicole didn't really earn her point until after the week was over, but we put it on there anyway since she's never here long enough to sass me. Melia avoided me for two weeks because she didn't want to be a smart alec on accident and get her name on the chart. Danielle earned all of her points in one night. Andy joined several days late and almost came in dead last. Even our campus minister, Neal, found his way on our sass chart. Unfortunately no one remembers what he said but we remembered it was really good and I threw a grape at him to retort.

After a few days we decided we needed a new category: physical sass. These points are exactly what they sound like: someone touched me for the sole purpose of being a vexation. Physical touch is valued in our apartment and hugs, back rubs, and new hairdos are welcome. On the other hand, being poked while trying to stand still on the Wii, being hit in the face with a goldfish (cracker), having my cell phone stolen, being assaulted with a bouncy ball, and being kicked in the back of my knee just so I fall over are not welcome.

I should be honest: we all pick on each other. However, I have a different accent and unique diction than the rest of my friends, so I'm an easy target. It's really not fair. Just because I can use words like "TYME machine" and "schluck" does not give you permission to mock me. :-) Oh, and I get mocked for sounding too northern so I throw in a "hey yall" and get mocked for sounding too southern. I just can't win!

It was during these two weeks of Mockery Madness that we decided mocking is a love language, at least in my life. Every person that sassed me did it because they love me. In fact, every single one of them took a moment throughout the week to also build me up and encourage me. Maybe the encouragement doesn't happen as frequently as the sass does, but that's ok as long as the both exist.

After all, if we're going to call each other brothers and sisters in Christ, we need to fight like brothers and sisters do. Make sure your sibling rivalries aren't one-sided. Build each other up in brotherly love, too. (Yes, I'm preaching to myself, Mom, I know).

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